(Closed) Sad that husband has fun without me

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
  • poll:
  • Post # 31
    Member
    109 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    He should have an allowance just like a kid, and if he wants more money, he can go find himself an job and EARN it.

    I’d be livid if I were you. That is not a marriage and you are taken for a ride at your expense.

    I wasangry just reading your post. There’s no way I’d live or be treated the way you’re being treated.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by  MrsMiller23.
    • This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by  MrsMiller23.
    Post # 32
    Member
    258 posts
    Helper bee

    Wow – OP, I don’t say this lightly – but your husband sounds like an absolute piece of sh*t.

    Post # 33
    Member
    1406 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    If you had children, and had agreed that he would be the stay at home parent, then his lack of paid work would be acceptable, as he would be contributing to the family. But he also would not have time for these adventures under those circumstances.

    I agree with all the other posters about how he is taking advantage of you.

    What exactly is good about life with him?

    Post # 34
    Member
    730 posts
    Busy bee

    This is so not ok. I’m really sad to read that you’re experiencing this. I would be heartbroken and devastated to feel so alone in my marriage.

    What was your agreement regarding jobs/careers? Was it, at one point, OK with you to be the only breadwinner while he basically just has fun all the time? This arrangement is really unfair. If you agreed to it in the past, I think it is fair to sit down with him and say that it’s really hurting you and the relationship.

    It seems to be at a point where therapy is necessary. The guidance and mediation of these difficult conversations will be really valuable. The way he is behaving is 100% unacceptable. I’m sorry.

    Post # 35
    Member
    730 posts
    Busy bee

    I’m actually angry for you. This should NOT continue.

    Post # 36
    Member
    374 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Is this real life?! Don’t necessarily advocate strangers on the internet telling someone to get a divorce but SERIOUSLY divorce. Or at the very least *serious* ultimation – he gets a job or you’re packing HIS bags and HES leaving.

    do this before any possibly kids come along. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    65 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    WHY can’t he get a job himself?! That would stop him from being bored and then he might appreciate what you bring a bit more…. this seems crazy!!! You shouldn’t have to put up with this!

    Post # 38
    Member
    366 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2016 - Church by the beach,

    That’s horrible, so your paying for him to have all these fun trips but he doesn’t plan them so you can come! He takes another women out with your money but not you? That is horribly inappropriate and disrespectful to you and his marriage. He needs to seriously change his behaviour grow up and get a job.

    Post # 39
    Member
    11468 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    There is just so much wrong with this situation that I don’t even have enough time to address it. Thankfully, I’m commenting after three pages of other posters have already highlighted most of the issues.

    I opened this thread, and from the title, expected to read about an insecure, clingy person who does not understand why she can’t be attached at the hip to her husband, who may have other responsibilities in life besides being with her 24/7. Imagine my surprise to read that your Darling Husband is viewing you as his hard-working Sugar Mama who is there only to provide a roof over his head and pay all of his expenses while he lives like a single teenager on summer break, running around pursuing a time-consuming relationship with another woman.

    It would be one thing if you were the main breadwinner and he were the primary homemaker who also had some guy friends with whom he spent some time while you were working. That would be similar to a man who has a Stay-At-Home Wife who takes care of the home and still has some time left over during the week to get together with friends. That would still be a team effort, where you’re a couple working together to have a life and home together. It would also be different of he were disabled and could not contribute by working or taking care of your home. Why he thinks that it’s fair for him, a married man, to have what amounts to a singe, dating relationship with another woman and no responsibilities or obligations to you is beyond me. 

    As someone whose faith does not permit divorce except for certain, Biblically based exceptions, I am not going to tell you to divorce him. However, I believe you both need some serious marriage counseling as soon as you can get it. Your husband may not yet have been sexually unfaithful to you, but he is being unfaithful to you in many other ways.

    I am so sorry you are in this situation.

     

    Post # 40
    Member
    6524 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    dresscrazy34:  you are not wrong for how your feeling 

    he needs to start pulling his weight and make more money so that you maybe domt have to work so much and he needs to start making an effort to dpend time with you 

    and i dont like that he spends vacations with a female friend. That is so disrespectful. 

    You need tk have a serious convo with him, this is not fair to yy at all

    Post # 42
    Member
    9595 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Wow, he is a disrespectful lazy ass. This is wrong on so many levels!

    Post # 44
    Member
    100 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    All I was going to say was, your husband is an asshole. He needs to get a job or GTFO.

    After reading your update- he still needs to get a job or GTFO. It doesn’t matter how much you make. If you’re busting your ass so he’s the only one who can enjoy it, it’s not working. Cut back to 45 hours a week, have him get a full time job (even if it’s working at Dunkin Donuts, seriously), and you’ll have more energy to help around the house. Then you’ll both have time for fun. Oh and maybe his fun young single friend can go ahead and get herself a job too.

    Life isn’t all about going to fun and glamorous places because tour spouse can support to. Make him act like an adult. Otherwise, nothing is going to change.

    Oh and I don’t care what the agreement was, he’s still an asshole if he watches his wife bust her ass to pay for his good times, knows he enjoys the money she makes because she is too tired to enjoy it, and still does nothing to change that. Reading this seriously made me livid.

    Post # 45
    Member
    80 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    dresscrazy34:  If he’s that bored, he needs to get a job.  I know a lot of stay at home parents and spouses, and none of them have random, expensive adventures with members of the opposite sex, while their spouse works themselves into oblivion at 70 hrs/week.  That’s not a normal, healthy dynamic. 

    The whole migraine job thing also sounds like a cop-out to me, sorry.  He’s got a great thing in you — you’re bankrolling his fun times with his friends.  And then he refuses to curtail the fun train because you’re working so much to provide for the both of you???????

    BUMP that nonsense.  It’s really your call if you want to put up with this total crapola, but if you do, just know, it’s not going to change.  He’s gaslighted you into thinking that YOU’RE the problem, but you’re really the only sane man in the relationship.  

    You can either stop providing for his adventures, thus forcing him to work (even in a part-time capacity) OR you can just realize that this is how it’s going to be for the rest of your life.  He doesn’t seem like he’s open to talking about it.  Although, maybe he’d be open to counseling (which is yet another thing you’ll have to pay for)?

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