- 8 years ago
- Wedding: April 2009
I totally got myself here. I wrote a post right after my wedding that detailed the various things that when wrong and how it really didn’t matter because the day was about me and my husband and it was amazing. But there’s a secondary narrative from that day–it was the last day I ever spoke to my Maid of Honor. She was one of the things that went wrong during the wedding. It was horrible. She was unpleasant before she arrived, unpleasant when she got here, ruined my bachelorette party, pissed off most of my other friends, made my sisters in law angry, and hurt me pretty deeply. I don’t want to go into all of it now.
That was the last straw for me. We had been best friends for 5 years, we’d lived together for 2, and for most of that time I had felt that she walked all over me. I let her. I never said anything. But when she couldn’t manage to put me first for one week, I lost it. I started ignoring her calls as soon as she started drunkenly calling me on our wedding night trying to find out which hotel room we were in so she could come by. Really? I ignored all of her calls and text messages while we were on our honeymoon. None of her calls were to apologize for the hot mess that she created, they were just to update me on her life.
Finally, I let her know, via phone, that I was very upset with her and didn’t want to talk to her and I would let her know when I was ready. She failed to respect that. She kept calling and texting and emailing me. Finally, she called and left me a horrible voicemail. Awful. Meanest thing I’ve ever heard, telling me that I don’t have any friends and now she can see why, because this is how I treat them. At that point, I was done.
I sent her an email and I laid everything out for her. I told her everything that I was unhappy about from the wedding, the time that we lived together, the time between us moving apart and me getting married. Everything. It was a horrible thing for me to do. I let my hurt and anger build up for five years and then I dumped all of it on her. Granted, she was horrible to me. But handling it the way that I did was absolutely the wrong thing to do.
We sent a few emails back and forth. She didn’t get it, didn’t think she’d done anything wrong, and I was insistent that she was not a person I wanted in my life (again, for so many reasons–including but not limited to the wedding, her treatment of me and my husband, her refusal to make this a two-way relationship, her refusal to respect my wishes and not bring drugs into my presence or our shared home, her refusal to respect our mutual living space and prevent her boyfriend from drunkenly stumbling around our apartment naked and making it so that I felt I could never leave my bedroom). That’s who she is. I knew that was who she was for five years, and I don’t know why I put up with it, but I did. And then I hurt her very deeply by telling her the way that I did and then ending the friendship.
About a month later, I sent her a very long apology. I basically let her know that I didn’t think we should be friends, that we were very different people, but that I recognized that I had done something extremely hurtful when I ended the friendship and that I was deeply sorry for handling the entire thing so badly. She never apologized to me for anything. I guess I didn’t really expect her to.
This entire thing has been horrible for me. So bad, that I have started counseling to get over it. (Saying that out loud sounds ridiculous.) One of the hardest things has been losing her family. We were very close. Her parents were surrogate parents to my husband and me. They were at our wedding. They were wonderful to us and we loved them. And now they hate me. Literally. I can’t blame them, but it still breaks my heart. I did this, and I can’t blame anyone but myself, but it makes me incredibly sad. And I just needed to get it out there. If you made it this far, congratulations. And thank you–I just need a little love today.