Post # 17
I just wanted to second what PP have said about the fact that it sounds like you know what you want, and it also sounds like you aren’t getting it in your current relationship.
I’ve been in your exact position. It sucks to walk away from a relationship with a nice guy who wants to spend the rest of his life with you. But the thing is… two good people does NOT automatically make one good relationship.
Don’t waste your time or money on therapy. You know what you want to do. Just do it. You will feel so good, and so FREE.
Post # 18
You definitely sound like you have figured out what you are wanting out of life and from your SO. He, however, sounds kind of self-absorbed, selfish, and uncaring. I would probably tell him basically what you typed: “…what i really DO want in a man. A man who can make his OWN decisions and follow through on them. Someone who knows when to joke and when to be sincere. Someone who works hard, but also finds time to plan dates and trips and can take me away from the craziness of the city. Someone who can provide me real comfort when I’m scared, not “I don’t know what to say,” and a pat on the back. Someone who has a grip on the complexities of life, not just the fun, jolly stuff. Someone who knows how to handle the bad things, too. Someone who loves me for who I am, but also desires me, ONLY ME.”
And then just leave for a while, even if that is just staying with a friend for a night or 2. Then see if he can find it in himself to say something meaningful to you. If he doesn’t, well that will probably be very hurtful for you, but at least he will have had the chance to try and work on some things that have been hurting you and you will see his true worth. I’m sorry you are in this situation and I hope you can find clarity, peace, and inner happiness that is not dependent on anyone other than yourself 🙂 good luck!
Post # 19
@bettygirl: I think you should talk to your parents and express your fears to them. They love you and have your best interests at heart so I don’t think they would judge you. Your fiance doesn’t sound like a bad guy but I don’t think he’s right for you (based on what you’ve said).
I second what an earlier bee said about two good people together doesn’t always equal a good relationship. It doesn’t sound like you two are compatible. He may be a good guy but he’s not fulfilling the basica emotional needs you have.
Post # 20
@bettygirl I am right there with you on the sex once a week thing. I’m dealing with that too and I fear for the lack of passion as well. Not to mention my parents too are spending (have already spent) A LOT of money on this wedding.
Part of me wonders if some people like our men just don’t have the capacity for passion. Or maybe you and I have just been reading too many smut books LOL! I just know in relationships before him it was difficult to hold back on the passion and it was EQUAL. Right now it’s pretty much all me or nothing except for that once a week romp.
I’ve blamed it on everything, I’m not adventurous enough, I’ve grown too comfortable with him, (I too am a worrier/realist/etc.) am I wearing him out with my overzealous personality to where he just doesn’t want to be intimate? Is it because I’ve put on a little weight?
I don’t really have the answers for you. All I can say is I’m right there with you. Let me know if you find out anything.