- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2017
I am a regular user on WB…using a fake name to save myself from the shame of this post.
(wedding date is not real)…its much much sooner…less than 3 months away.
So, I met my FI about a year and a half ago, we were smitten with each other from the beginning. We would always talk hypothetically about the future, marriage and kids. we got to know each other pretty well…and things were great. Eight months into our relationship he proposed, and even though it was so soon, I said yes..and i was really excited…nervous but excited.
My life up to that point had been difficult. I lost my mother, my father was non existent and I felt safe with my FI. He provided the stability i was looking for and I was looking forward to having a family of my own. Alot of people were surprised, including friends and family, but they were all supportive and thrilled for us. Our families get aong great.
I am 26, most people around here would say thats young to be married especially that we don know each other long.My FI is about 7 years older. He is an amazing man. Great job, great morals, nice family, supportive, caring, and tries to make me happy all the time.
Heres my problem..Aside from all the amazing qualities he has, he is not an emotional person. Doesnt express his feelings at all..happy mad and sad all seem the same with him. I on the other hand am a very emotional person. Im silly and cheerful. I like to play around, and most people consider me very bubbly and fun.
I know there are alot of men like him, and there is nothing wrong with them being that way, But it drives me crazy. He was like this in the beginning but i guess i figured as we got to know each other more it would have faded (he is very shy and conservative) I am much more crazy and outgoing.
Besides the personalities being different, even more importantly, there are things that i just wish would be natural for him. I wish he was more affectionate. He doesnt like it if im in any way leaning on him or have my arm around his shoulder or anything. He hates being tickled or played around with. I feel like if i do it im a bad kid and i get the mean face. I also enjoy the little things that mke a relationship special..like going for walks together or watching the sunset..he hates walking anywhere and when i ask to go for a walk hes like for what?… Im not trying to make him out to be a cold kind of guy, hes very loving in his own way. Just not romantic at all. Im just afraid i will always be craving the affection down the road.
The situation gets even more complicated…Theres a guy that i went to college with, who i always had a great connection with but we never dated because we were usually in relationships. Over the last seven years we have gone on and off talking and texting to see how the other is and so on. We would go months or even gaps of a year or so without talking and then somehow find each other and pick up where we left off. I care about him alot, more than i probably should considerin im engaged. I just never allowed myself to feel much for him romantically because we couldnt be together. I know how he feels about me because hes always said it, that he would be with me in a heartbeat. He feels like we never had our chance. when i told him i was engaged he was really dissappointed, but respected my decision.
Ive spoken to him for the last 2 months, and i cannot help but have feelings for him. I have tried to cut it off and told him i couldnt talk to him anymore and he agreed that it would be best for both of us because he has feelings too. But i cant ignore my feelings for him. He is successful, and spontaneous,extremely romantic, and has that spice for life that i do. I feel like we are very compatible.
Ive had doubts about the marriage before he was even in the picture. Doubts about if i was certainly in love with my FI.. it just all happeened so fast and im afraid i may be making a mistake. I dont want to hurt him. We’ve spent tons of money on this big wedding thats coming up, our families would be devistated. I even went back to working part time because we were going to TTC as soon as we got married since he doesnt want to be an old dad. and that would have allowed me more time at home with the baby.
I have nothing without this man, i would have to live with my family member. I do love him. im just not sure im in love with him. He will do anything to make me happy. I have told him of my feelings about his lack of affection etc..and he has tried. i can tell. but i havent told him about my feeling for my long time college friend who i feel so strongly about. I dont know if im in love with my friend from college either but i do love him. Im so confused and i havent slept in weeks. Ive told my FI that im having major doubts and hes scared that i wont show up to the wedding. We talk about it but he always say he will do whatever it takes to make me happy, and i try to explain that its not him, its me. I want that cant eat, cant sleep romantic kind of love. and i dnt think this is it.
I dont know what to do. I feel like ive gotten so wrapped up in this other guy that i am not thinking clearly. But i feel like since ive had doubts even before the other guy was in the picture maybe this is a sign that i really shouldnt get married and its not just cold feet.
🙁 please help. What do i do? how do i do it? im so sad because of this.