(Closed) Sadly waiting…please help! (long)

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Sorry to hear about this big fight! I think given this has sparked such a large argument with him, you may need to address things. I dont think you are deluded in the fact that he is going to propose, but maybe you have subconsciously been mentioning it more than you think – it is easy to do when there are so many people around you getting engaged and married.

I would just let him know you are sorry for making him feel pressured and that you were really only trying to have a discussion about which city you should settle in.

But after youve cleared the air, try Mr Bees plan – keep quiet and keep yourself busy!

Post # 5
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

That’s so frustrating and 8 years is a long time! I’ve been with my SO for 1.5 years and I’m already dying of impatience (or so I feel). While I haven’t been in your exact situation, I can sympathize. 

I agree with CupcakeLove and I would talk a little more with him. Explain that you love him and trust him but you struggle with impatience for the future sometimes. My SO would be the one to bring an engagement up but then would get mad when I told him I was impatient. He somehow thought that impatience translated to distrust. I didn’t get that at all. I’m much better at communicating sensitive topics with written words, so that’s what I did. After reading how I felt, he understood why I felt impatient and just a little tiny jealous of my friends who are all getting married this year. Now I feel like we’re more on the same page and I can shut up about all the engagement stuff.

Then after you’ve cleared the air, move on with Mr. Bee’s plan. It’s hard but it apparently works pretty well! 

Post # 6
Member
674 posts
Busy bee

I second trying Mr. Bee’s plan, but I’m not sure that bringing it up again will really do any good. At that point, you’re kind of making his point for him.

Take the job in your city if it’s what you want. I realize that these would ideally be decisions you make together, but he clearly isn’t ready to start making the concrete decisions that come along with planning a life together. Focus on yourself. While you guys might have many wedding activities coming up, try not to think about any of them for comparison purposes. Try not to talk about it. It may be that you aren’t talking about it all that much, but with so much happening on that front, he’s feeling more pressure from outside forces. Now, that isn’t fair to blame on you, but that doesn’t mean it couldn’t be true.

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