Post # 1
I’m 25 and so is my Fiance I have a 6 year old son whose healthy and smart and all around awesome! Fiance and I have been talking about having a child together someday even though he thinks of my son as his own. We’ll be getting married in June of next year so we’ll be 26… not bad but we want to buy a house and that will take some money saving! We can’t stay in this apt. forever and a baby definitely wouldn’t fit here gah! Ok so that means we’ll probably be 29 by the time we can move and I’m sure it’s not going to magically happen on our 1st try but I’m terrified to have kids after I turn 30. Anyone know what the age vs risks are? It’s not just the health risks that are going to hold me back however, would that age gap between my 1st and 2nd child hurt them?
Post # 3
How would an age gap hurt your children? At 30 your child has a 1 in 700 chance of having down syndrome.The older you get the larger the risk of a genetic defect but the risks are not massive at thirty
Post # 4
I have relatives with DS and 2 of my uncles and 1 of my sisters were born with defects. Guess I’m just super nervous… My sisters 10 years younger than I am and we clash pretty hard on everything plus she’s very very annoying I wasn’t sure if that went for the majority of age gapped siblings or not.
Post # 5
Personally, I wouldn’t like that much of an age gap. I would be concerned the oldest child would have ‘only child syndrome’ (not saying all only children are bad!)- Fiance and I have a child together and are planing on a 5 year age gap between DS and number 2. I can see why your nervous about having a healthy baby with your family history, maybe talking to your GP would be better…?
Post # 6
You’ll be fine with the age gap. I am 10 years older than my step-brother and we have been nothing but close since he was little. He’s now going to be my “man of honor” at the wedding. I have a friend who’s also 9 years older than her sister and they are also incredibly close.
I’m 30 now, and just getting married and we won’t be able to even start having kids until he graduates med school in 3.5 years. Sigh.
Post # 7
I don’t understand what’s wrong with having children over the age of 30. After being on Weddingbee for a short period of time, it’s all I see. I’m 31 right now and won’t be trying until the end of the year. I really don’t think that I’m that old to be having children. I’ve known a number of women who’ve had babies at 40 even. When I keep hearing stuff like this, it feels like pressure to not enjoy my marriage for a couple of years without being pregnant or with children. It’s okay to enjoy marriage no matter how long you’ve been together. Those quiet days won’t return for decades, so relaxing, having parties, etc. isn’t a bad thing right now at the ancient age of 31.
Post # 8
It sounds like you might benefit from making an appointment with a genetic counselor- a counselor could talk to both you and your Fiance about your family and medical histories and help you understand your potential risks at different ages so that you can make a decision you’re comfortable with.
Post # 9
I just went to my OB/GYN this morning and he gave me a sheet of genetic problems that you can be tested for before (and after) you get pregnant to see if you carry the gene for certain disorders. I would talk to your OB/GYN about that and see what the risks are. They can probably reccommend a genetic Dr. that you can go see to see what the risks are in your case since DS runs in your family.
It is very common to have kids in your 30s. My sister is 40 and she has two kids, 4 and 1. I would say you are fine for having kids.
As far as the age gap goes, I don’t think the number of years really matters how close they will be when they grow up.
Post # 10
I guess i’m in the minority here, but we won’t even think about trying for kids until i’m 30. We also won’t have kids past age 35. We will be getting any and all available tests, though, and will make sure we’re fully educated on the risks. We want to have a few years to be married and save up for a house prior to having kids!
Post # 11
Since you are not in a rush, I would just bring it up to my OB on my next exam…mention you are interested in genetic counseling, so you can get the info before TTC…maybe research how your insurance handles that, too, beforehand.
Post # 12
I’m over 30 (32) and having my first child. I didn’t think the real risky part was until after 35.
As for the age gap, some of my friends/colleagues.family members that have siblings 10-15 years younger than them and they all seem fine and well adjusted. I think on both counts, you have nothng to worry about.
Post # 13
Well I am 34 and pregnant now with my second child. There will be an 8 year gap between this one and my daughter. I am not concerned at all. However, if you have a history of things in your family then you should meet with a genetic counselor.
Post # 14
I agree with @Lozza. Approach your next GYN appt as a pre-conception visit and discuss your plans/concerns with your doctor & request a recommendation for a genetic counselor. They’ll be the best ones to answer your questions about age and risks specific to you.
Post # 15
@brox: It shows the average age of women on here, doesn’t it?
The older a woman gets, there are more problems, but most doctors don’t worry until you are over 35 or have a family history of something.
I’ll be 30 when my 1st child is born in September and I’m not at all old or worried about health. I work with a 28yr old who has a 7r old with autism. (she was 21 when he was born.) Babies born to young moms can have problems too, just as women in thier 20s can have problems conceiving.
Post # 16
@brox: totally agree! I’m 31 as well and have no intention of having a child for at least another year or two! Fiance and I want to enjoy our time together as a married couple and do the things we want to do before children enter the scene – and there is nothing wrong with that! I sort of cringe sometimes when I read all the posts by people who are marrying super young and want children straightaway. I know so many people who did that who are now going through a ‘mid-life’ crisis at the ripe ole age of 31 because they’re looking back and wondering what they’ve actually accomplished in their life. I don’t know too many people who regret living their 20s free and independent, doing exactly what they want, when they want, with no real responsibilities on their hands. I think we’ll never agree. The 30+ bees will always think the young bees are a bit crazy and they’ll think the same about us. lol…
Anyway, slightly off topic. Back to the original post: I believe the risk really arises from having your FIRST baby after 35. I think if you’ve already had a child before that age, there really isn’t too much of a concern in having subsequent children beyond the 35 mark.