(Closed) SAHM how do you do it?

posted 4 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
7437 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Your husband needs to step up and help you out! I know he is working, but he can clean up after himself at the very least. I think when a new baby comes into the picture, it’s perfectly okay to let household chores slide to the wayside. I’m sure it’s much more difficult with a 6 year old in the house as well! I was never able to sleep when Dirty Delete was sleeping, that was when I desperately tried to get things done, like taking a shower or doing the dishes. Honestly, I think you’d be a lot less stressed if your husband would help you out.

Post # 3
875 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Mrslovebug:  You need to ask for help. I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom too. Right now I only have one kid but the second one will be here in September. My oldest is still very young so she will not be in any type of school while I’m taking care of the NB. My husband also works long hours and has a long commute. We had a great system w my daughter. I would go to bed at 8pm and he would hang out in the family room w/the baby, watch TV and do whatever and then when he wnet to bed around 10 or 11 he would feed the baby and swaddle her up and put her to bed. This way I was 3 hours in to my sleep and the baby was fed, clean and sleeping. She typically slept 4-6 hours at night so sometimes I would sleep from 8pm-4am in the early days which was wuite refreshing! Can your husband do something like that to help you out? Also, do you swaddle? That helped my daughter sleep longer at night. We also used white noise and a dark room to facilitate sleep. 

You need to tell your husband to clean up after himself and the same w your daughter, she’s 6 so she is capable of helping. You can let the major cleaning go for now. Your baby is only 17 days old! Give yourself a break. Take a shower. Have you tried grocery delivery? Can you hire someone to clean for you? Do you have family near by who can take the baby so you can nap and shower?

Hang in there mama!

Post # 4
7522 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Ok, first of all- you have a BRAND NEW baby.  No wonder you are worn out!  I have a 2 year old and one who is in school and it is MUCH easier than when they are newborns once they grow up a little. Also, I know you think it might be harder when your 6 year old is out of school- but think if it this way- you won’t have a strict routine to adhere to, so that flexibility might feel a little better.

For our Stay-At-Home Mom situation, I am “off” for the nights where my husband doesn’t have to work the next day.  Those are my nights to catch up on sleep (our 2 year old still doesn’t sleep throught he night well).  And if I were you, I would not worry about keeping the house in pristine condition right now- as long as everyone is fed and bathed appropriately- who cares if there is laundry to be folded and  toys scattered?

Lastly, my husband and I had to come to an understanding- yes, he works and brings in all the money.  But he is a parent too- and assuming he willingly chose to bring this child into the world- he knew he would be losing some sleep etc.  We moms bear the brunt of it- but please don’t take too much on at the expense of your health!  Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk!

Post # 5
3378 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Mrslovebug:  You mentioned a couple times that you feel bad asking your husband for help because he works 6 days a week – honey, you work too!  But your job is 24/7.  How do you think you can keep it all up and take good care of your children if you aren’t getting any rest?  You need to talk to your husband and work out a system that will help you find a little more balance – maybe he could take on one of the night feedings, or give you a couple hours after he gets home from work – could you pump for a feeding?  Or have him bring you the baby and do any diaper changes or rocking back to sleep that’s needed?  Especially since this affects your health, you need to find a solution here.

Post # 6
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I agree with PP’s, hubby needs to step it up. You’re playing mom/superwoman here.  Is there anyone else nearby that can step in for a day and let you have a “me day”?

I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom and every once and a while I’m at my wits end, hubby knows by looking at me. He steps in and tells me to go nap/shower/whatever to get a chance to relax.

Post # 7
2692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Sounds like you need help.  Any close relatives or friends nearby you could call on (sorry if you anwered this, haven’t read any of the replies).

As a fellow sahm, I feel your pain.  I let my faimily know I am NOT a maid so thay can well and good clean up after themselves, except the baby of course.  Your 6 year old is old enough to help out too with small chores.  And your hubby should step in on his day off and give you a break so you can at least have a nap.

Post # 8
1992 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m not a Stay-At-Home Mom mom (actually I’m not a mom at all), but I wanted to comment to suggest that perhaps you have your 6 year old start taking on small chores to help out around the house or to help with baby.  I have 2 younger sisters, and when I was her age, I remember taking a lot of pride in being able to help my mom with them.  I took my “Big Sister” role very seriously.  By 6 years old, I would do things like: helping to fold laundry, I knew how to change a diaper, mom and I did the dishes together, I knew how to prepare a baby bottle (not sure if you’re Boyfriend or Best Friend though), I knew how to sweep the floors, and I’d also get my own PJ’s and towels out at night for my bath & I’d help mom get the baby’s stuff ready for bath time too.  These are all very small things, but it would offer you some relief and start teaching your 6 year old some responisibility.  

You should also talk to your Darling Husband about taking on some tasks in the evenings, when he gets off.  I understand that he’s probably exhausted from work, but you’re exhausted too, and when you don’t get any sleep it poses a health risk for you, and could possibly be dangerous for the baby (I’m refering to your epilepsy here).  I’m sure any little think he can take off of your plate can help lighten the load. Maybe he can pack lunch at night for your 6 year old, lay out her clothes for school the next morning, take care of evening feedings for the baby, or take a diaper duty shift (my friend has a newborn, and in her household it is understood that Dad has diaper duty from 6pm to 10pm every evening after work).  Also, maybe he can take responsibility for dinner 2-3 nights a week.  He wouldn’t have to necessarily come home and cook elaborate meals, but just take responisibility for getting everyone’s bellies fed on those days.



Post # 9
1477 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I have epilepsy too, partial complex. Stress and lack of sleep are triggers for me. When I was pregnant, my meds were gradually increased and then a few weeks after the baby was born, the medicine had to be reduced again. 

I do not have an older child, just a one-year-old. I am expecting another, which throws my system out of wack (I’ll need to increase my meds soon.) I do remember newborns being HARD!

My husband works night shifts and sleeps during the day. He was little help when LO was born and he went back to work, but did as much as he could when he was around. Even though I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom, I barely cooked and cleaned for 3 months! Just getting into a rhythm with the baby and family takes time. I hired a cleaning lady once a month or so. We got food from family and take out. I took naps by putting the baby in the swing or going for a walk in the house with the baby in the travel system. I had family come over to watch my little one a couple hours about 3 times a week so I could catch a nap for a few hours. Once I hit a period where I was up for around 48 hours and I was losing it. This is when I started to ask for help from others. If you need to, ask someone. You need help, just so you can sleep. I understand how epilepsy is affected by these things. 

When my LO got a bit older, around 5 weeks I wore him in a wrap and was able to clean and cook that way. He also slept in 4 hour chunks, so I did too. 

Post # 10
1477 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I forgot to mention that I still sometimes don’t shower for what seems like forever. When LO was a newborn I would go a week at a time…. Then, I started giving LO to my Darling Husband and would just hop in the shower. I always felt like a new person. Well, it made me feel more human and less like just a milk machine. 

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