(Closed) SAHMs – do you get "me time" away from your kid?

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 16
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Also I think part of the reason that this question is directed to SAHMs is bc they are often seen as having all this me time so their partners may not understand their needs bc they think they already have all this time for themselves? Obviously this isn’t the case if their kids aren’t in preschool yet. One good friend of mine is mostly a Stay-At-Home Mom and she struggles more than my other good friend and me who work a ton. For her, she’s missing an outlet, especially since her husband travels for work so much. I wish she had more “me” time!

Post # 17
Member
2692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

If I have to run an errand that takes a lot, I might leave the baby for about an hour or so with my il’s.  Other than that, I don’t get a lo of alone time outside the house… I pretty much take the baby everywhere with me.  Also, at home, unless he is asleep, I don’t get much alone time either.  Plus I have 4 kids, so it’s rare I will ever be truly alone.  Except maybe a bathroom break here or there.  It’s been forever and a day since hubby and I had a date.  But such is life.

Post # 18
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I hear you–it’s hard getting time out. With my girls (twins, both a year old), I’ll sometimes get faux me-time by packing them into the stroller and heading out shopping. I’ll stop for a hazelnut latte at the coffee shop, then we’ll walk around to all of the stores and I’ll even try things on! The girls love it, think it’s great fun getting to whiz around and it’s a funny game watching mommy try on clothes. We don’t usually go for more than an hour or two, but it’s a nice break. Though, come to think of it, I may be blessed with kids who actually enjoy shopping… I can imagine it’s not every toddler’s cup of tea…

Other than that, my DH will occasionally send me out of the house on a Saturday to go have brunch with a friend and chill out for a few hours. Honestly, though, I’m sometimes too tired to muster the energy to leave the house when my ‘me time’ opportunities roll around! I think it’s partly just a phase. Me time will return when they’re a little older, I imagine.

Post # 19
Member
875 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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Bichon Frise:  I get “me time” every Friday. I leave the house around 9am and come back 3 or 4 hours later. My mom watches my daughter for me. She offered and loves it so why not take advantage? My husband works really crazy hours so we barely see each other during the week. I prefer to use time on the weekend as family or couple time instead of doing things for myself bc I miss my husband on weekdays. We also have a date night at least 2x a month. Is a babysitter in the budget or a relative close by? I use my Fridays for appointments, hair cut, pedicure or just walking around target alone. We are expecting number 2 and I’ll keep my Fridays for myself and an hiring a babysitter for Wednesday mornings so I can do a class w just my daughter. 

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SnowInApril:  I think op wanted advice from other women in her position. She wasn’t putting down working moms. 

Post # 20
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Absolutely not. I’m with my son from morning til he falls asleep at night and then I also go right to bed so there is really no time.

Post # 21
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I just became  SAHM last week. My son has always gone to an in home DC from 7am-noon (my working hours), so we decided to keep him in because of socialization and routine. Since we decided I’d stay home, he is my responsibility as soon as him and Fiance get home. Fiance definitely helps me, but we decided that old school roles were what we both wanted.  I wouldn’t exactly say my day is filled with “me time”, because I spend my day taking care of my house-which is impossible to do with my son. If I’m loading the dishwasher, he’s trying to get the steak knives, if I’m putting away toys, he’s dumping them out behind me…but, I get to take normal showers now, and sit on the deck with my coffee for a bit, reading wedding bee 🙂

Post # 22
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee

I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom of a 14 month old as well 🙂 I don’t really get me-time that often unless going grocery shopping while DD naps counts haha! Though I have been trying to make it a point to get out at least once a month for a couple hours with a local mom group – we went to a painting party this week! I have only been to the “mom’s morning/night out” twice so far but it is definitely helpful for me. Other than that I am basically with my daughter all the time and I just try and relax when she sleeps

Post # 23
Member
1153 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom to a 6month old baby girl. When she was “little” 6-12 weeks old and would take a bottle, my “me time” was pilates and a visit to the chiropractor 1/week. My mom came over and would watch her for 2 hours while I was gone. Then DD decided she hates bottles and we moved out of state. So now I have a baby who is EBF and I can’t go anywhere without her. I desperatly want a massage, a pedicure and to get my hair done but I can’t leave her, ever… *sigh*. When she’s older (like closer to 1) I’ll probably look for a sitter who can come over 2-4 hours once/week so i can do my non baby friendly errands (maybe see a move by myself, get a massage, go do the doctor/dentist, get my hair done, a mani/pedi…) you know what i mean. I also like our evenings and weekends to be spent as a family since DH works all week so I’d look at bringing a sitter/car provider into the home during business hours while DH is at work.

Post # 24
Member
2836 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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Bichon Frise:  I was a Stay-At-Home Mom with my son- who’s now six.  No, I never really got “me” time.  It didn’t really bother me though.  My son was a very chill baby- so he was easy to take places.  I loved bringing him with me, and just liked it better when he was with me.  Admittedly, his dad – had good intentions, but I just didn’t like his idea of being a parent.  I crave “me” time a little more now- that my son is older, than I ever did when he was a baby.  But really, “me” time is just so I can get my nails done (which, I could easily bring my son with because he’s very well behaved, but I don’t want him to have sit and smell polish for an hour or two).  I also will prefer to run certain errands on my own- just to get them done quickly.  A six year old is excellent at asking for things, and wanting to go off to look at this, or look at that- when I just want to get in and out.

We have another baby on the way- I’ll be staying home with him, too.

My husband works early mornings, so he’s home early afternoons- which means I am easily able to get “me” time if I want or need it.  Although because he gets up so early (starts @ 4am most days), I think I’d feel guilty having him walk in the door and passing the baby off to him!!

 

When I was complaining to my parents once about being sick and having to take care of a toddler- they said “as a parent, you don’t get a day off”- and I think it’s true.

Asking for “me” time everyday is a lot to ask for. 

I know that sometimes if baby is a little more work than others, going to the adult job all day seems a little more appealing at time.  But people at work aren’t getting “me” time- at least at most jobs.  

 

Post # 25
Member
229 posts
Helper bee

I still live with my parents and I have a 4 year old son that is with me full time and a 9 year old daughter that lives with us but is under the care of my mother (long story). I get a weekend break once a month when my sons fathers mother takes him with her to her house (they live the next state over….3 hour drive) my parents watch my son on sundays from about 12pm-7pm so I can spend the day with my SO on his day off. They also sometimes babysit on fridays from 4pm-7pm so I can see him as well. My son has school in the morning from 9am-1130am. During that time I usually take my shower and watch tv. There isn’t really enough time to go shopping or go out to lunch or anything so I end up just sitting at home. Besides the few breaks I do get he is attached to my hip. I very rarely have time to relax by myself or get my nails, hair, etc done. Its kind of depressing because I don’t have the help of a husband every night to get things done while he watches the kid(s). But I am extremely grateful for my parents for doing all they do for me and also for my sons other grandmother who does more than she should because her son chooses to not be involved at all.

Post # 26
Member
7753 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

When my kids were little, I would take a morning or afternoon on the weekend for “me” time. I would get the grocery shopping done, but then I would browse a department store, or get a cup of coffee, or meet a friend for lunch. We figured dad needed one-on-one time with the little ones, and mom needed a break. DH also bathed the kids at night.

However, joining a fitness club is an option. The one closest to us offers free childcare while you are at the facility. The childcare area is completely windowed, so people can look in, and check-out is VERY secure, so there is no danger of your child leaving with someone else. On site, one can exercise (of course), have lunch or coffee in their cafe, get a massage or facial, or just sit outdoors on the patio and read. The point is that the childcare is free while one is at the facility.

Post # 27
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Some weeks I work 40 hours and some weeks I work closer to 65 and there are weeks that fall somewhere in between. So, clearly I am not a Stay-At-Home Mom. I also am the primary care giver to DS because of FI’s work schedule. However, I do feel like I can weigh in on this despite the differences.

I admittedly am one of those people who needs “me” time. I love my child immensely and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish I had more time with him but I am who I am…and that means I have certain things that I need to do for myself.

I don’t need to do anything specific during me time…there’s no need for extensive pampering (although, I won’t ever turn that down) nor do I need to go drop a bunch of money shopping (unless, of course, you twist my arm!). Sometimes I just need to wander around the mall or the park or sit outside and read or go to the library. I just need to decompress and enjoy a little peace and quiet. It isn’t that I don’t love the sounds of our home or the pace of our life. It’s just I need to refresh. I’m a much better mother when I take some time for myself.

Fiance and I don’t have any sort of set schedule where I get a certain allotted day each week or whatever. We just do what works from week to week. I’ll take a look at what my family has going on and decide on some time that works for me to take a breather. Fiance works every other weekend, so I prefer to take time for myself on a week night. The weekends that he’s off, we try to make family time since the weekdays can be hectic with work and school and homework and various other things. Fiance understands that this is something that I need (for everyone’s sanity, not just mine) and he’s happy to oblige. He needs less “me” time but because of his work schedule, he ends up getting a good bit just by default.

My son is now 6 and as he’s gotten older, it’s clear to see that he’s going to be a lot like me in this regard. There are times when, although perfectly happy, he will get up from the group and head to his room where he’ll close the door, turn on some music, and read for an hour or so. If you ask him why, he’ll tell you “sometimes my brain just like to relax by itself.”

 

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