Post # 1
I havent worked in about a year. Me and my husband discussed it, and he gave me permission. He makes enough money to pay the bills and get food for us and our dogs, and still has extra money at the end of each month for whatever extras he wants. We want to start TTC next year, and I am planning to get a job before that happens so we have extra money for the baby.
But so many people have given me crap about it. My brother in particular is constantly nagging me. He lives several hours away, and has only even met my husband once, but seems to think he knows everything about our life. We’re living in my moms house right now (she doesnt live here, its just in her name.) DH pays all the household bills, and gives the mortgage payment to my mom each month. My brother just sent me this text saying how I’m being horrible for not looking for a job, and mom is about to lose the house and I’m just sitting here doing nothing. I’m like, HOLD UP. Mom doesnt even pay the house bills, so how is SHE abou to lose the house? Second, my husband, who pays the house bills, is not in any danger of losing it. He’s never even missed a payment, let alone got so far behind that we were in danger of losing the house.
Obviously my brother has no clue what he’s talking about, or our mom is telling him lies (which I HIGHLY doubt,) so I have no clue why he keeps bringing it up. He just keeps going on about how bad it is for someone to not have a job, which is hilarious considering he refused to get a job until he was almost 25.
Ugh. Anyone else deal with this?
Post # 2
Is your mom not paying the mortgage with the money? You might want to check into that. What about the taxes?
Nobody gives me crap about being a stay at home wife. Most of the people we know have been, would be, or would prefer to be/have a stay at home wife. Your brother needs to keep his nose out of your relationship, it’s really none of his business. You’ve made decisions for your family and he is welcome to make decisions for his family.
Post # 3
allyfally: First off all, this is NONE of your brother’s business. If you or husband have not asked for his help or opinion, he is irrelevant in this situation. I am 21 weeks pregnant and I guess I could be classified as a SAHW. I was working full-time, but my husband and I decided to relocate to another state for his job. The job market here is terrible, and after looking for months, we have decided to just hold off on me working until our sweet baby is here. I, personally, have not received any negativity over our decision for me to stay home, and COULD NOT care less what people feel about it. I figure that as long as we are supporting ourselves, people need to mind their own business.
As for your mom, I think that you should talk to her about losing the house and see if there is any validity to that story. Hope it all works out! 🙂
Post # 4
Honestly, me and DH had concerns months back that my mom was keeping the money because a letter came for her from the housing corp (we didnt open it, cause we figured that would be rude.) But nothing else ever came, so we forgot about it.
My mom doesnt make any sense sometimes. She lives with her bf, who’s house is paid off, and he pays the house bills. The only thing she pays for is car insurance, phone bill, and cable, she makes the same amount of money as my husband, yet she was complaining about not ever having money.
But like I said, nothing else has came from the housing corporation, so I dont think she’s keeping the money.
I keep telling him its none of his business, but he doesnt give up. He’s been nagging me about getting a job for at least 6 months. I keep telling him that if my husband is fine with me not working, then he should be fine with it, but he just wont stop.
Post # 5
allyfally: you need to talk to her and find out about the house. That part is your concern or you could come home one day and find an eviction notice. Maybe make arrangements to pay the mortgage and property taxes directly. Mortgage companies don’t care who the check is from as long as you send the account information.
If your brother brings up you not working again, simply tell him it’s none of his business and if he mentions it again your going to end the conversation. It’s not easy because it’s your brother but you have to set limits and keep to them. I just don’t understand that meddling mentality.
Post # 6
If I were a stay at home mom I’m sure my family would be fine with that, but I think I would get loads of shit if I were going to be a stay at home wife.
I wouldn’t want to be a stay at home wife though just because I get stir crazy and I would be so bored. There isn’t enough to do here to make me being home all day valid
Post # 7
tksjewelry: Yeah, I’ll definitely talk to her about it. I had no clue that someone else could send the payment in. We figured we’d have to get it transferred over somehow, and its almost paid off (only about 20k left) so we just didnt want to get into that.
Post # 8
I think being a SAHM is very different from being a SAHW. Honestly, I could not understand being a SAHW unless we were very wealthy and had zero money concerns what so ever, beyond just paying the bills and having a little left over. However, I couldn’t care less what someone chooses to do and would never openly question their choices unless they were complainig to me about money, in which case I admit I’d have to roll my eyes and quesiton their choice to not work. But it sounds like your brother is just butting in so I’d just ignore it and or tell him to mind his own buisness.
Post # 9
a_day_at_the_fair: <br />
I understand if you’d be bored with it. Me personally, I’m extremely introverted, and being around people and being in public makes me depressed. So I’m not bored staying at home, walking the dogs, cleaning, cooking, reading, ect. I like being able to greet my husband when he comes home everyday with a clean house and a fresh meal.
pinkshoes: I told my husband when we first discussed me not having a job that if I ever started to complaing “I want this, I want this, I want that too,” then I’d go out and find a job. I do have to agree with that. If someone were having money troubles, then of course its irresponsible to not look for a job. But we’re comfortable, so I dont see the problem with it.
Post # 10
allyfally: I think it comes down to different lifestyles, as most things do. I only work part time though, so I am usually home when he gets home from work and I have enough time between working to do most things that need to be done around here. But I enjoy that occasionally when I am not home, when I come home my FI has cooked dinner for me, or cleaned the house or whatever. Its a nice trade off.
I’m not trying to argue that you shouldnt be a stay at home wife or anything, so please don’t get that impression from my post. I am just of that mindset where I couldn’t be, and I think a lot of people are of that mindset, so I can see the perspective of why people might have problems with it. Not saying its right, but I can see where it comes from and I can say in my situation if I did choose that for myself I would DEFINITELY get shit from my family for it.
That said, if you are planning on getting a job before your baby comes, your brother is sort of right in that the longer you are unemployed the harder it will be to find a job when you want one. Add to that most employers arent super keen on hiring pregnant women.
Post # 11
allyfally: If your husband is OK with it then your brother needs to mind his own business. Is there a reason you don’t want to work?
Post # 12
a_day_at_the_fair: Oh no, I definitely understand your point of view. I think most people would get bored of it eventually.
And I dont want to get a job when I get pregnant, I’m going to look for one before we start trying to get pregnant. Like months before.
Aquaria: Honestly, besides what I mentioned above (a couple posts above,) I think mostly narrows down to my social anxiety. I get severly depressed when I have to deal with people and be in public. I dont even like being around friends for more than a couple of hours. So when I had a job I was in a constant state of depression, and it was effecting our relationship in a really bad way.
Post # 13
allyfally: Sour grapes! The people who are going to give you the most crap are probably the ones that would most like to be in your position. I’d LOVE to not have to work and go to school for what I want. I am totally not one of those people who are like “I could never be a SAHW/M, I’d get so bored.” Not me. There is so much I’d fill my time with.
You do you, and let everyone else worry about themselves.
Post # 14
No one cares I’m a STAW. In fact, a lot of people take advantage of it, I don’t mind, though. I’m always the first to call for house or pet sitting and if there’s ever an emergency (Like when our friend’s house alarm went off when they were 3,000 miles away) I am always free to check it out, or pick them up from the airport, or whatnot.
I have lots to do, and am never bored. This situation works out best for my husband and I and we haven’t heard anything negative about it. His parents asked me if I was going to work and initially I intended to, but I didn’t intend for my husband to deploy so much, so our time together was precious.
Post # 15
I’m a SAHM and no one gives me crap. But something doesn’t seem right with your brother and mom- I’d hate for you to get evicted when youve been giving your mom the money.