(Closed) Said no to bringing FMIL dress shopping – wrong move?

posted 6 years ago in Dress
Post # 2
Member
3046 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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JessieFay13:  She’s going to be your family, and it was important enough to your fi to ask.  I would invite her. 

Post # 3
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Is there a reason you can’t include her?  What harm will it do asking her along?  I just think it would be nice – and you shouldn’t need a reason to be nice.

Post # 4
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee

You were not wrong.  While it is tragic that she lost her husband so suddenly it isn’t your job to use all of the pre wedding events to distract her. Maybe your fi should spend time with her while you are dress shopping.

Post # 5
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I didn’t take my Future Mother-In-Law along dress shopping only my mum. I wanted the person there who would give me their honest brutal opinion. I didn’t want to take any bridesmaids or my Future Mother-In-Law as I felt I would be seeking their approval too and I wanted my dress choice to be my decision only with my mum their to help me should I question/doubt myself.

 

Post # 6
Member
1574 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

You are marrying her son. She will be family forever. If they have a good relationship and you want to cultivate a good relationship with your Future Mother-In-Law, you should invite her yourself. 

Post # 7
Member
3741 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I wouldn’t say you were wrong, but it might have been nice to include her.  Maybe you could offer to have a girls day out to shop for accessories or her dress for the ceremony. My Mother-In-Law didn’t come with me to pick out dresses because that’s really not her thing. I did make sure to include her in other ways though. 

Post # 8
Member
83 posts
Worker bee

 

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JessieFay13:  I don’t see why you can’t just include her. Unless she is an opinionated raging bitch, all that is going to happen is you’ll have another person fawning all over you, telling you how lovely you look. And it will obviously mean so much to your Fiance. I don’t think inviting her to this one event means you’re going to have to use all of your pre-wedding events to distract her. I kinda get why your Fiance would ask. It’s just a nice, small gesture. Trust me, wedding dress shopping isn’t like some magical fairy tale thing. It’s nice and fun, but doesn’t need to be exclusive or anything.

Post # 9
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

My Mother-In-Law is a very sweet lady, but I never would have invited her to go dress shopping. That was a special moment between my mom, sister, and I. I’m very close with my mom and sister and having my Mother-In-Law there would have made the experience less special. Yes, you’re going to be family but that doesn’t make her your mom. Don’t feel bad at all. It’s very nice of you to include her in a fitting. 

Post # 10
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee

The only thing I would be concerned about is whether or not your Fiance asked you because his Mom has already asked HIM? If that’s the case, and he has to go back and tell his Mom ” no” then I’d feel bad for hurting her if she wants to come. If she’s shown no interest and your Fiance is just asking because HE is wondering and his Mom has no expectations of coming, then perhaps just having her at a fitting will suffice. 

Post # 11
Member
1819 posts
Buzzing bee

Nope, you made the right call. Why can’t your Fiance plan some things with her to help distract her? Or maybe you and her could go shopping together for a dress for her for the wedding. I agree with the pp who said it is tragic what happened but its not your job to distract her with wedding planning. She should establish healthy coping strategies, seeing a grief counselor, reading some book on the grief cycle, joining group therapy plus her children and other family can help her when things get rough for her. 

If you invite her, would you then be inclined to invite your stepmom and half to deal with her feelings too? You have to make some boundaries. Again I think of ways your Fiance can help plan things to distract her, like his suit/tux shopping. Inviting her and your stepmom to a fitting seems very nice and a wonderful moment to share with them. 

Keep your dress shopping as you want it. Maybe there are other aspects of the wedding planning that will come up your Future Mother-In-Law would be able to help you with. Good luck, op. 

Post # 12
Member
1819 posts
Buzzing bee

Plus I would personally find it rather annoying to take 4-5 people shopping for a wedding dress, too many opinions going on. Just my opinion though. 

Post # 13
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee

You may not find the dress the first time out. Maybe offer to take her and your step mother if you go a second time? 

I think it’s a nice gesture to include her, especially since your fiancé asked.

Post # 14
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

If your Fiance asked you, it’s probably important to him. For that reason alone, I think you should have agreed. 

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