- 8 years ago
- Wedding: March 2014
As some of you know, my wedding and my engagement ring are currently on the backburner. Fiance can’t afford, well, anything, right now. Since he’s been denied financial aid for college, he’s paying for everything out of pocket, and on his salary, that means he has to chose between taking more than 2 classes so he can graduate remotely close to when he was supposed to, or eating. It’s not a good situation. His parents are too rich on paper for him to get a Pell Grant, but too poor in real life to be able to help him with anything.
At first, I was really upset. I was mad (not at Fiance, but at everything) at the time, and spent a day or two feeling sorry for myself and crying and complaining to my mom. Soon though, I got rational, and I started to forget about the wedding and the ring for now, and concentrate on the rest of my semester as well as trying to help Fiance look for more financial aid options and cook him food so he could take 9 hours a semester AND be able to eat. For a while, this worked out. I hadn’t even thought about the wedding. I stayed off the boards for a while, completely cleaned my house, went out to dinner with old friends and tutored in Biology to pass the time and keep me occupied. Now, the semester is over. I’ve run out of things to do. And so, the daunting thoughts about the wedding and the ring have come back into my brain. I decided that I would get on the boards again, but avoid posts about rings and dresses, since I don’t have either, and won’t for a long time. That worked, for a little while. Then, Fiance brought up one of our high school friends who’s getting married next weekend, which opened up the conversation about what we intended to do about our own wedding. We talked about it for a little while. I tried not to say too much. I’ve been doing my absolute best to not talk about anything wedding related ever since we put it off…
Last night, my mom had called me about a sale that was going on at the jewelery store where my Fiance and I had planned to get my ring. I calmly (ok, I practically leaped) on the Internet to see what they had. And lo and behold, there was “my” wedding set. In all it’s glory. 30% off. I called my Fiance, and told him that I knew I’d said I wouldn’t talk about the wedding, but So and So Jewelers was having a sale, and the set we had looked at was 30% off. He asked me the price with the sale, I told him. And he told me that he wouldn’t be able to afford it. As much as I knew it, it crushed me to hear it again. I cried. I bawled like an absolute baby for 45 minutes while I was on the phone with him. And then, I got angry. I was angry that even $750 off didn’t make my ring any more attainable. And then, I did it. I told Fiance he should have never moved to where his parents lived, even though I knew it was a touchy subject. When he lived in his previous college town, he had more work hours, was up for a raise, had qualified for a student loan and actually had money to spare when all the bills were paid… He never wanted to move to where he lives now, but his parents pressured him into doing it, and now he’s in the position he’s in now, and his parents are about to move again…
I felt horrible after I said it, and I apologized profusely. Fiance accepted it, we talked some more. And I basically told him that I had been nothing but an emotional wreck since the semester ended. I’ve been couped up my house all day, every day. I haven’t seen Fiance for 2 weeks. I haven’t seen my parents in 2 weeks. I haven’t spoken to any of my friends in over a week. I’m just lonely and upset.
Part of me thinks my mother is evil for ever bringing up the sale. I know she meant well, but it sort of irked me after the fact. Now I’m more mad at myself, for letting myself get this way. Is this really what this wedding thing has turned me into? An overemotional bitch?
Luckily for me, and Fiance, and everyone else who comes into contact with me, I’ve gotten better. I’m going to go and stay with my parents a few days. Celebrate my mom’s birthday, visit with old friends who are in town for the holidays. I’m also going to find a hobby. One that I can keep all year long. To keep my mind off of all things wedding. I’ve also told my mom not to tell me about any sales at the jewelry store, haha.
I don’t want anyone to think I’m this materialistic all the time, because I’m not. I don’t know what sent me to tears yesterday, because up until my mom mentioned the sale, I hadn’t really cared about the ring at all. All that had mattered to me before was the fact that I was engaged, and I was going to marry my Fiance… Weddings do make people crazy I suppose.