(Closed) Same fight/arguement over and over again…

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You need to find a different way to get your point across, and he needs to find different ways to show romance even if it’s not his first nature. Just fighting over it will never change anything— as the saying goes, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results.

Make sure when he does a small, romantic or affectionate thing, you tell him how much you like it, and why you like it.  Give lots of appreciation, don’t let his kindnesses go unnoticed!

And ask him what he does for you every day out of love and affection. The answers may surprise you. For me, it’s laundry and grocery-hauling. I never asked my Mr to do those things, and I sure don’t consider them textbook romance, but one day he told me that he will always carry the groceries in “because my woman shouldn’t be carrying heavy groceries!”   And I absolutely love that.  It’s not chocolate or flowers but it’s something he means, from his heart, and to me that’s deeply romantic. Perhaps your husband is already doing something like that, because your his woman and he likes to spoil you, but he’s just doing it “like a man” meaning you don’t realise it’s meant to be romantic!

Post # 6
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Both of you should read the book “The 5 Love Languages.”  It’ll help you both understand how/why certain things are important to each of you, such as touch, words, actions, etc.  It’ll help you both learn to get on the same page and do things to/for each other that are more meaningful.

ETA: I must have been typing at the same time as the PP above!  =o)  Check it out, though.

Post # 7
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

yes,  My ex-husband and I had this fight for MONTHS…..

me:  what would you like for dinner?him:  hmmmm.  I don’t know.me:  how about chicken?him:  we had chicken Tuesdayme:  what about pizza?him:  I had pizza for lunch.me: what about pork chops?him:  that doens’t sound very goodme:  well, then what would you like?him:  I dunno.  whatever.me: aaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh

one day I realized I was doing WAY too much work asking what he wanted.  So, I STOPPED asking.  Most liberating moment of my life.  I fixed grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup for a week straight.  We both learned our lesson.  After that I fixed WHATEVER.  I. WANTED.  one day he said “I really like your lasagna.  Would you make that?  Guess what he got the next day?  Lasagna. 

I think sometimes ASKING them to remember is too much.  If you want more TLC, just get on the couch and put your feet right in his lap.  Or say “I’d love a backrub before I fix dinner”.

Also – does he KNOW what “TLC” means?  Because, honestly…. I don’t.  Do you mean more kissing?  handholding?  opening doors for you?  compliments?  foreplay?  Sometimes you have to SPECIFICALLY tell him what you want.  In detail…..”I would love it if you would open the door for me”.

I also 2nd reading “The 5 Love Languages”.  it sounds like you just have 2 different languages.  So, you’ll either need to learn each other’s language….. or learn how to translate.

A friend of mine used to translate “a dozen rozes”.  That was what she wanted.  little gifts.  but her SO didn’t get it.  So, she was able to quit her job and be a Stay-At-Home Mom mom.  When she would turn on the lights, she would *translate* that’s HIS dozen rozes.  Providing.  When she would go to the store and buy groceries without having to clip coupons or pinch pennies she would translate “and here is my surprise diamond necklace”  making sure there is enough so we don’t go without. 

it worked for them.  find what works for you.

Post # 8
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@lilbluebird:  i was just going to suggest this. 

@Mrs.Jansen:  5 love languages is a great book to read and i would suggest that you both read it.  it really does open your eyes to how your partner may be thinking and how their needs may be different to yours.

luckily my husband and i speak the same language.

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