(Closed) Same guests invited to more than one shower for the same bride?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
8694 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@adoc86:  not every female invited to the wedding must be invited to the shower. are you friendly with her outside of work? do you want her at your outside shower?

let her make the decision if she wants to attend both or only your work one.  maybe she will only bring a gift to the outside one and not the work one or vice versa.  would it matter to you?

Post # 5
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@adoc86:  If I were one of the women invited to the wedding, I’d have NO problem going to your shower…b/c 250 people isn’t all that intimate and I’d like to celebrate w/you personally. I say invite them and if they don’t want to come, they can easily decline. 

Post # 6
Member
5762 posts
Bee Keeper

Let them decide whether or not to come. I had the same issue for my daughter’s shower, and there were 4 women she worked with she wanted invited (they were also invited to the wedding). 2 of them came to the family shower, and the other 2 called and said they couldn’t make it but would be going to the work shower. Two brought small gifts to the shower, but for the work shower, they all usually chip in for a large gift or collect cash for a large giftcard. One also organized the work event, and they all decorated and brought in food. Her entire office is over 400 people too.

 

Don’t be disappointed if they opt to just do the one at work,tho. It seems to be pretty common.

 

Post # 7
Member
922 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@adoc86 I understand your dilemma.  There are 2 sides to this – proper etiquette says all females invited to the wedding are automatically to be in invited to every shower.  The other side is invite whomever you want.  I have the same scenario in my office – only one lady coworker and her husband are invited to our wedding.  We are keeping it very small and she is my closest coworker.  I also know that she will be hosting an office shower for me and Fiance with all my coworkers (only 30 of us).  My mom threw my shower a few weeks ago and asked who should be invited from work.  I told her no one since they were throwing me a separate shower anyways.  I didn’t want them to feel obligated to come to another shower or bring another gift. 

It is your shower and if you want these special ladies to be there on a more personal level, then invite them.  It doesn’t hurt to ask!

Post # 8
Member
5762 posts
Bee Keeper

@GeorgiaBride5:  Actually, not all females should be invited to the shower. Showers are for close family and friends, so why would women be invited that the bride has never met (like a co-worker’s spouse, or her cousin’s date for the night,etc).

 

Post # 10
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You might just want to have a chat with them to let them know they’re not expected to give a gift to each. I wouldn’t mind attending two, but I would definitely mind if you expected double the gifts! If I were in that boat, I’d probably split what I spend so I don’t show up empty handed (ie. if I normally would spend $100, I’d do $50 for each party). In order for me to do that, I’d have to know I was invited to both though.

Post # 11
Member
922 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@ItWasntMe I think the etiquette rule is very old fashioned.  Back in the days (way back), that’s how it went.  I’m not saying I agree, but if you read an etiquette book that’s what it says.  The parents threw the wedding as a celebration of their daughter getting married – they invited whomever they wanted since they were paying for it.  It wasn’t common for women to work back then, so the coworker dilemma didn’t exist.

Post # 12
Member
2604 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@adoc86:  Yes, its rude to invite guests to more than one shower. 

Its also rude to invite guests to a shower when they are not invited to the wedding.

Lastly, I absolutely loathe forced workplace celebrations like this.  If I don’t know someone well enough to get them a gift on my own or be invited to their wedding, then I don’t need to be pressured to buy or chip in for a gift for them at work! 

Post # 13
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@adoc86:  Unfortunately, your mother is wrong.  It’s rude to invite people to more than one shower (with the exception of BMs, mothers, and grandmothers).  Regardless of your intent, it looks gift-grabby.  If you know you are having a work shower, I would not invite your coworkers to the shower your family is hosting.

However, you might be able to get away with inviting them to both showers IF you talk to each woman beforehand and explain that your mom wanted to invite them but they are certainly not obligated to attend both showers and bring a gift to both.

Post # 15
Member
9796 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

You are not supposed to invite people to multiple showers.  They are meant for people in  different circles.  

Post # 16
Member
10572 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

When friends fall into overlapping circles, sometimes it happens.  Just thank them when opening gifts at the second shower if they only brought a gift to the first shower.  The expectation is to only bring a gift to one.

The topic ‘Same guests invited to more than one shower for the same bride?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors