(Closed) Same name as boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend -Long

posted 7 years ago in Names
Post # 3
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Think of a nickname and start calling myself that, probably.  Go back to being called by your initials!

Or, just always call her Jessica and refer to yourself as Jess only?

ETA: JustSqueeze said what I wanted to say, only I couldn’t think of how to say it as nicely 🙂

Post # 4
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I have to honestly say I have never heard anything like this before in my life.

I do understand what you saying. That you wanted to be Mrs. Jessica _________ first and now you won’t be. To top it off, she has the same name as you.

But let me put this as gently as possible…There are worse things in the world to worry about. Much worse.

Try to get over it by focusing on your boyfriend, living your life happily and hey, if she’s that bad, she may not stick around forever. (Not that I wish heartache on your BIL)

Post # 6
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think you’re focusing too much on your boyfriend and how your future and identity are wrapped up in him. He already told you that he wants you to pursue your own life and identity. If I were you I’d focus on myself – my education, career, passion, etc. The rest will fall into place. 

Post # 7
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I dont really get it. I dont understand why having the same name is a problem. I have two aunties with the same name and I never got them confused or thought of one less because of the other… Im not sure why you need to be the best Jess, because the truth is you arent in competition with her

Post # 8
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

It really does hurt to feel like someone has stolen your name.  Unfortunately there is nothing you can do but learn to accept it.

My story is a bit different from yours, but I too felt like I had my name stolen.  Almost 10 years ago (before Fiance, I was single) my uncle (fathers brother/same lastname) started dating a lady named Michelle. They got serious and decided to get married, it was her first marriage and she decided to take his name. Personally, I felt that I should have been asked first, but her and my uncle think it’s hysterical. They constantly made jokes about her being the “other Michelle S” and it used to kill me, no their joke are about how she will be the only 1 and I’ll respond with a crack about how common the name is. Luckily, my Grandmother solved the nickname problem when she started calling her Big Michelle, and me Little Michelle. (She taller and a bit older, I’ll take Little Michelle.)

My story has a happy ending, I will be taking FI’s name which is a lot more unique and she gets to be one of a million.

Post # 9
6824 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@betsyboom3_14: Honestly I would get over it on the name deal.  Many people have similar or same names.

For example my SIL her name is one letter off from mine and my Mother-In-Law always gets us confused and calls us each others names. We just joke about it. My other SIL her name stars with the letter as mine.  My Darling Husband has 2 brothers who all their names start with the letter “B”. MIL/FIL tend to have to go down the line until they get to ther right name of the person they are talking to.

As for the not being engaged, it sounds like your Boyfriend or Best Friend is just not ready yet.  I wouldn’t push it.

Post # 10
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

@bells: I totally agree.

I honestly don’t see the problem. I agree with the posters above. Why does having the same name matter so much? It really is just a name. Who you are is what matters. If she had a different name, she’d still be a person that you don’t like. And nobody will be confused since you have the same name. Many people have husbands and sons with the same name and it works out just fine.

Post # 11
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@MidwestBride2012: agreed.


@bells: same thing in my family excpt my mom and my aunt had the same name and my mom’s brother had the same name as my dad …. so both couples had the same first names. 

Post # 12
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

So there’d be no problems here if she didn’t have the same name??  I sounds like the issue is with how long its taking your Boyfriend or Best Friend to propose, meanwhile his brother up’s and starts dating a year ago and is no married.  I think you should focus less on the name, really that has nothing to do with anything, just a mere coincidence, and focus more on your life and relationship.  Her name doesnt matter.  Your relationship is what matters.

Post # 13
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My father married a woman with the same name as his sister … so for a short period in time they had the same last name (before the sis got married). There were never any hard feelings between them, and the confusion was ever multiplied because they spelled their names differently (capitalisation in the middle, and a space!). So everyone ALWAYS mixed up the spellings of their names.

I can absolutely appreciate how heart wrenching this must be for you. But think of it this way – everyone in your family is going to try and find a way to differentiate the two of you. Kind of like when you have two family members with the same name, you end up calling them ‘Big John’ and ‘Little John’ (for example). Think how great it will when someone is speaking about you, and a family member asks ‘Awesome Jessica’ or ‘b*tchy Jessica’? 🙂

Post # 14
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I know you’re really upset right now, but it seems to be like this is really about being upset with your boyfriend about your future (or seeming lack of) with him.  If you and your bf had become engaged and then married before his brother, i bet you would have thought having the same name was cute and funny.  It’s only because you’re feeling really down that it’s upsetting you now. There’s loads of people in the world with the same name, even people in the same families with the same name!  This is NOT about your name – this is about you being upset about not being engaged/married.  I think that is really what you need to be focussing on and thinking about how to fix that situation.  

any time you go to any wedding or hear of any couple being engaged you’ll be upset, it doesn’t matter that it was her.  try and stay positive and focus on working on your relationship and career/future plans.  i hope i don’t sound harsh.  I do wish you the best!

Post # 15
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I had to read this twice because I thought I was missing something. Maybe it’s because I have a fairly unique name. 

I think part of this is also that you don’t like her (from what I gather from you post) and then to top it off she has your name. Either way it shouldn’t even be an issue, I agree with all the PPs.

Post # 16
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I really do not understand the big deal here.  You do realize that your name is one of the most common amongst 1980s born American girls, right?  Trust me, I know how your feel on that, I am the dreaded Brittany.  Anyway, I really think your issue here is NOT the name thing.  Your hurt and jealous that you didn’t get engaged first (if you weren’t you wouldn’t have included the bits about your non-engagement and length of both relationships).   You are also feeling threatened about not being the only daughter in law.   I’m gonna say what some others have said, there are way bigger things to worry about.  if this girl’s dreadful personality doesn’t chnage then maybe your future in laws will still like you better.

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