Post # 1
I spent all morning working on wedding stuff, went to a dress fitting where nothing fit, had a medium sized nervous breakdown in the parking lot of an IHOP because I can’t find a way to communicate with my Maid/Matron of Honor (at this point I think it’s clear to both of us that we’ll get through this wedding and quietly part ways), and I then came home to a mailbox full of regrets from a ton of my friends. It was a pretty big shock. And they all seem to have decided it would be best to write some bs excuse on the card. I sent save the dates seven months in advance so more people would be able to come if they wanted to. That’s plenty of time to save your pennies and make arrangements for your work schedule and childcare IF what you want is to come. So that makes it pretty clear that they never wanted to come. I’m just so sad. I really like all these people and was excited to see a lot of them all at once. I’ve been working so hard to make this wedding nice that it’s adversely affecting my health and so far it’s going to be basically me, my mom, and an endless sea of FI’s family and friends surrounding him on the happiest day of his life. I feel like they could swap me out for anybody and literally the only one who would care would be Fiance.
I just went back to bed. My tummy hurts and I’m exhausted. I give up. No one I care about wants to come to my wedding and I don’t want to go either. Ugh. Anyone else feeling like this today?
Post # 2
I’m so sorry you are feeling like this and going through this. You are completely correct that StDs give time to plan and it makes total sense that you are feeling down right now.
But just remember: There is one person you care a lot about who wants to be at your wedding – your FI! Focus on the getting married to him part – that’s the most important anyway!
Post # 3
awwww you poor thing !
I haven’t even started planning yet and I don’t plan to use it as an alternative work-out 😉
Do you know something, the wedding is about you. It’s about you and where you are at now (the realisations you have made to date, rightly or wrongly), your relship with your Fiance and your core family’s attendance. Flyby night friends won’t make your day.
I guarantee that even strangers watching (maybe you don’t know every one of your FI’s friends) will be happy for you and need to realise that everyone who DOES come -whether through your invitation or your FI’s are supporting both of you in your next chapter and the friends who wanted to come but couldn’t will be thinking about you. I guarantee it.
The wedding is about what you carry with you in your heart through your wedding and your future. Don’t let it be a burden you carry, don’t let it be the weight of people who have let you down, you have to move forward. You will find other, truer friends and remember that some of your friends will have genuinely not been able to come. Don’t group everyone in the same category, which is easy to do when you are down. Over time it will become evident who your friends are. Just remember the best way to have a friend is by being a friend yourself. If you are ever despairing about the world: never sink with it, instead always carry a flag of hope and positivity and do what you can to better yourself. Then you will find happiness within always and what the others do will have no bearing on how much you enjoy a day.
Best wishes to you
Post # 4
TrousseauHorse: Ugh, yes! I definitely feel that way. At this point I’m convinced that maybe half of our already small guest list will show up.
My most recent upset was by a friend of 5 years. She never sent in her RSVP card, so I called her to ask about it, because I need to send my caterer a final list before the 26th. She immediately says that she’ll be working, but I know she’s on a set schedule of working 6-2 on Saturdays, so I said “oh you’re working nights on Saturday now?” And she sort of hesitated and then goes, “oh uh, what time was it again?” So I told her the ceremony starts at 5:30, and then she just kind of mumbled and said she’d see. Really? Ugh.
Post # 5
Is your wedding a destination wedding? A low attendance rate is pretty much standard for those types of weddings compared to local weddings, so if that’s the case I wouldn’t take it personally.
Post # 6
Thanks for the kind replies. I knew there would be people who could not come, but it is a shock to receive a bunch all at once from my side, which was already just 1/3 of our total guest list.
This whole planning experience has been a shock. I LOVE going to weddings, I always have a great time, and I love watching all the wedding shows (which I know are fake, but still – love!) But this has just been a year of misery. The only exciting part was when we were picking out the ring together in secret.
I was so stressed on Thursday night I honestly thought I was having a heart attack (squeezing pain in my chest going down my left arm! wtf?!) They don’t put that on My Fair Wedding!! They did show it on Bridezillas, but they made the girls look crazy for getting that upset. This is nearly as stressful as preparing for the bar exam, only in a way it is worse because it lasts so much longer.
Post # 7
TrousseauHorse: Maybe a bridezilla is just someone who knows what she wants and will go to any length to achieve perfection and won’t settle for less.
When you’ve tackled a wedding, you’re ready to be a Company Director 😀
Post # 8
Did you just send out your invites? I think oftentimes the people that know for sure that they can’t come either send them back right away or wait til the very last minute (because they feel bad). So this might just be a large majority of the no invites and you’ll get more yesses later. It’s annoying how human psychology affects how fast/slow people RSVP, but it definitely has an impact!
Also your wedding planning should not be having a negative impact on your health. Maybe give yourself a break for a few days and try not to do any planning so that you can get yourself to a better place psychologically. Best of luck with everything going forward.
Post # 9
Sometimes we all need a little self-pity party to get through the hard stuff. Have a cookie or indulge in some Ben and Jerrys…do something for yourself for a day or two and try not to stress about the wedding. In the end, the only people who needs to be there are your Fiance and you.