Post # 1
Hi bees! I have posted a few things about my engagement (along with the one about the ridiculous idea of talking to Fiance mother) and I just wanted to give all the people who supported me an update!
So just to keep everyone up to date- my first post was about my feelings of wanting to call of my engagement and the other was about talking to my Fiance mother about my feelings toward marriage. I made it a goal not to talk to her given the advice I received but that did not work. My Fiance said something to her about my feelings and she began asking me questions and we ended up talking for almost two hours. She was not upset with me in any way, shape or form and was extremely supportive. She was under the impression after all things considered, that I was going to end our relationship (she was not mad, a little sad however) and suggested that I speak to my Fiance in private because he knew something was wrong.
Hopefully that was all clear.
NOW- I talked to my Fiance (it wasn’t pretty) and we decided after about an hour of arguing that we were going to change our wedding date. We decided that we wouldn’t even talk about the wedding until I was finished with school next August but we are still engaged. Our relationship has been so emotionless and messy lately ( as it has been several times before) that I threw out the idea of giving our relationship one final try over the summer and if it still feels this way, we should go our seperate ways.
Our relationship got better for about two days.. now it is back to the SAME OLD THING. I don’t know what is going on and I know this sounds ridiculous but I need to know what is happening! It’s like there are no big issues, we don’t argue that much or anything it just feels like we are just “existing” together.
P.S. I am horrible at writing when I am upset so if anything is unclear feel free to ask. Thanks Bees!!
Post # 3
It sounds like you love him but you aren’t in love with him. I didn’t read any other posts, so I could be wrong. Do you think it’s worth continuing over the summer? Would there be any chance it will improve? Would councilling help?
Post # 4
I just went over some of your threads and I’m sorry you’re going through.
Here’s my advice, from someone who was engaged (we ended our engagement April 1, 2012 and we were supposed to get married this September) I think that you guys should take this time apart. Take the summer, take a couple of months to just YOU. I can honestly say that ending our engagement was one of the best things for our relationship. It was messy and confusing and hurtful but now we know what we want and we’re aiming for it. We found that though we aren’t ready to get married now, we still want to be with one another. It’s been 2 months and in those 2 months we learned a lot of ourselves and each other.
I know it’s easier said than done but it has to be done. Take this time for you. hang out with friends and family. You’ll get through it. Don’t settle. You are extraordinary and you’ll figure it out.
Post # 5
It doesn’t sound like you want to marry this guy at all. Trust your instinct. Sometimes it is scarey to change because we are used to the situation and the unknown can be scarey. I agree with PP that a separation might clarify matters.
Post # 7
I agree but you need to know that if you decide to get back together you run the risk that he might not want to get back together. It’s the risk you take. It sounds a little like you both feel a little eehh about your relationship. Sometimes the time apart helps to clarify how you feel about each other. If things are already back to the way it was then it sounds like no one is working on things and that’s part of maintaining a marriage. It takes two people actively working together to make things work. I hope things work out for you both.