(Closed) Same Wedding Dress

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: If two friends buy the same dress, who should get to wear it?
    The one who bought it first : (43 votes)
    84 %
    The one who gets married first : (4 votes)
    8 %
    Neither one, they should both buy new gowns to be fair : (4 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    225 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I don’t know of any etiquette rules, but as a personal rule, I wouldn’t consider this girl a good friend after all this. I don’t know what the dress looks like, but can you add a sash or something to make it look different if you need to keep it?

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    400 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Do you love your dress?

    Wear it. Screw this girl! I bet you’ll look amazing, and no one will notice or say anything.

    She’s the one who should ‘give it up’ since she bought it after you.

    Post # 5
    Member
    329 posts
    Helper bee
    • V
    • 10 years ago

    wow, what a B! I think you should wear it, tho. If you love the dress forget her. Is your Fiance gonna be in their wedding still?

    He won’t like it on her that’s for sure so if you wear it it’ll be a totally new experience.

    Good luck! 

    Post # 7
    Member
    408 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    How terrible! I can totally understand why you are heartbroken.

    This girl is no friend.

    Post # 8
    Member
    778 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2009

    Skutch, which is your dress? Can you post a link or picture?  Maybe we can help you find ways to customize it.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2640 posts
    Sugar bee

    I feel for you.  Did she know that was your gown before she bought it?  (I hope the answer is no.)   Do you think you’ll look better in the dress?  (I don’t want to be specific or rude, but dresses look different on different gals.)  Can you go to a seamstress and have something embellished on it?… Was there anything about it you think could be improved?

    Surely your veils will be different?  If you think it would help to tell her what your veil looks like, so that she gets something different, that could be an answer.  If you think she’ll steal the idea, then certainly don’t.

    Could you buy a second dress?  Have one for the ceremony, one for the reception?

    I’m not sure what you spent on your dress.  If you ultimately won’t feel good unless you are wearing different dresses, why not look around?  Maybe you’ll find something that you didn’t see before that you love as much or more.  maybe if the other dress wasn’t too expensive, you could make yourself feel better by splurging on a new one.  You did express an option for both of you to give up the dress.  So it might be worth it to take that route.  (And recoup that money by not inviting her to the wedding…..kidding, maybe.  Or maybe at their wedding, instead of giving them money, give them the picture of your new dress and say that’s where there wedding money went…kidding, maybe not.)

    I’ll just play devil’s advocate for a minute.  If she didn’t know what your dress was…then in her eyes it doesn’t matter that you got it 3 months earlier or that you are a better planner than her.  She fell in love with it too.  And if you have to lose the money you paid for the dress, chances are she would too.  And in her mind, she’s done nothing wrong.  It was an unfortunate coincidence.  It sucks that you had it first, but she will wear it first.  That’s why she has all the leverage.   She certainly isn’t being that sympathetic, and I can appreciate that you’re angry and hurt.  Channel that energy into making sure your wedding is more fabulous.

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    778 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2009

    Skutch, I"m sorry but it’s not visible, can you provide us with a link to the dress?

    correction: it is visible, let me see what I can come up with.

    Post # 13
    Member
    312 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    that chick is no good. i just hope she didn’t know what your dress looked like when she purchased hers. if she did, that’s not the kind of company you should keep. 

    that being said, i don’t think you should buy a new dress unless you have the money to do so. i guarantee you most of your guests won’t even notice. your fiance will obviously know, but it’s not about the dress for him, i’m sure.. it’s about YOU in the dress. it will surely look and fit differently on you. and, if you do as the other bee’s suggested and add a sash or embellishment, then it will look even less similar to the other bride’s dress. i’m almost positive he will be blown away regardless. i say, save that money and put it towards your honeymoon, or your first place, or maybe just something fun for you and your fiance!

    Post # 14
    Member
    2640 posts
    Sugar bee

    I can see it fine.  I see a lot of detail on the bodice.  Can you have some larger crystals/rhinestones or whatever in spots to make it sparkly?  I saw on a wedding show the planner didn’t like thhow the bow for the laceup bck sat.  So he had a pretty sparkly brooch put on it to dress it up.  You could do that right where yours ties.  There is some detail, maybe lace that is on the train.  Could you add it to the front so it goes all the way around the hem?  One thing I could see is having a super long veil.  A sheer cathedral length.  It would look awesome.

    I’m not sure if I’m helpful.  But good luck.

    Post # 15
    Member
    778 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2009

    For starters there are two things I would do.
    1. Add crystals (that match the crystal/beadwork at the top/bodice of the dress) where the pick ups are to add more sparkle.

    2. Remove the straps (wear stapless), or add crystals to the staps to give more of a wow factor.

    3.  How ‘in love’ with the tie-up back are you?  If the dress is big enough they can make a hidden zipper and pearl or rhinestone buttons to finish the look.

    4. I would also choose a distinctive hair jewelry.  Etsy has a lot custom, one-of-a-kind pieces that can make a memorable statement. 

     I’ll see if I can think of anything else.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2008

    Are you guys about the same size?  If not, it will look pretty different on you bothy.

    I agree in principle that you should still wear it – and that your friend is not such a good friend after all.  But if you are really not going to be happy with it, check ebay and other places for discount dresses and see if there isn’t something you love that you can buy for a good price. 

    I don’t think there is much you can do to this dress to make it look much different – if any guest actually recognizes it from her wedding (which I doubt many will do), I don’t think a brooch will change that!

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