(Closed) Same Wedding Dress

posted 13 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: If two friends buy the same dress, who should get to wear it?

    The one who bought it first

    The one who gets married first

    Neither one, they should both buy new gowns to be fair

  • Post # 32
    Member
    43 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Yikes I am totally feeling for you.  It was a total considence that you bought the same dress is really wierd.  If she doesnt want to change dresses (which is understandable she has a whole less month than you do to find a dress) and you are dead set against having the same dress than its upto you to change it.  I do have to say that if I were the other bride I would change in a second I dont want to potentially be out done by another bride a month later.  Maybe you could spend some money to have your original dressed alter to look different, add a sash,  pull on a super cute bolero do something to set it apart.  Good luck!!!!  Its nice to know who your true friends are

    Post # 33
    Member
    368 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    If she chose her dress completely independently from yours, then I don’t think that she has any obligation to change her dress.  You will need to decide if it would upset you less to wear your dress or to choose another.

    Post # 34
    Member
    499 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    Honestly, this really does suck, but I agree with the other posters who don’t think you should give up wearing your dress. I don’t think that people pay as close attention to dresses as you think, and while some very detail-oriented brides might notice it’s the same, the majority will probably just think it is similar. I’d be willing to bet that most of the guys won’t even notice. 

    As awful as this girl is being made out to be, I’m wondering if she really has cruel motives behind this, or really just fell in love with the dress too. If that’s the case, and you both love your dresses, neither of you should have to give it up. Wear your dress with pride and confidence that even if the dress is the same, it’s on a different woman (YOU!) and it’s going to look just as beautiful as it would if no one had ever seen it on anyone before.  

    Post # 35
    Bee
    821 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

    I’d say both wear it and don’t worry about it so much. It seems like a big deal right now, but if you let it go an enjoy your wedding (and hers) with an open heart, you will be able to look back fondly on your day and the dress you chose. Years from now, looking at your wedding albums, you don’t want to be reminded of a bitter fight about something as simple as a dress you wear once, do you?

    Post # 36
    Member
    106 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I tend to think that all strapless ballgown style dresses look the same anyway, so I can’t imagine that many of your guests are going to notice that it’s the same dress unless you tell them.  If you tell them, they’ll be on the look out for it.  Just make sure you’ve got a different veil/hair and maybe bustle it differently.  Your Fiance will see you in all your glowy bridal beauty, and won’t think "Hey, I just saw that dress."  Believe me, he won’t.

    Post # 37
    Member
    4835 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I’m assuming from your post that this was not malicious, only an unfortunate accident.  So sorry to hear this girl!  But, if I were you, this is what I would do:

    1) Take the advice of the many wonderful brides on this board and don’t worry about it.  Genuinely, hardly anyone will notice.  And so what if they do?  It doesn’t matter.  People don’t expect your gown to be something they’ve never seen, they just expect you to look radiant and beautiful!

    2) Talk to the other bride and your FI’s buddy and let them know that you’ve taken some time to think about it and realize that it’s not that big of a deal.  (Honestly, if I were the other girl I might not be thinking the nicest things about you right now.)  I’m sure that they can sympathize that planning a wedding stresses people out and will be quick to forgive.

    3) Ask your Fiance if it is a big deal to him to see your gown on another woman first.  If it is I would seriously consider driftslikesmoke’s suggestion of a pre-wedding (yours and hers) photo shoot to have your "reveal" moment.  I think it’s a fab idea!  But really – most guys are not looking at the dress.  They are looking at YOU in a dress.  I’m pretty much positive that all wedding dresses look the same to men.  His reveal moment will be seeing the girl he loves all dressed up like a bride.

    4) STOP telling people about it.  I’m not sure if you have been telling people, but don’t.  People will probably not notice the similarity if they don’t know to begin with. 

    5) Take a lead from Mrs. Tiramisu and be a gracious, radiant, happy woman when things go wrong.  It’s super admirable and a really really attractive quality (that I personally will have to work so hard to emulate).  Gotta give Mrs. Tiramisu a shout out here – you totally inspire me!

     

    Post # 38
    Member
    23 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    If I were in your situation I would go for option #4, both wear the dress. I would ask my seamstress to remove the straps and wear it as a strapless dress and do something unique with your hair/headpiece/veil.

    I think that if your wedding colors and/or theme are different from each other’s then your guests will not notice. Keep quiet and don’t tell anyone except your mom and Maid/Matron of Honor and no one will know. It can only upset you if you let it 🙂

    Good luck, it’s a beautiful gown!

     

    Post # 39
    Member
    1194 posts
    Bumble bee

    This girl sucks!  Sorry, but that’s how I feel.

    I feel really bad about your situation.  I think that etiquette rules are not going to help since she has made it pretty clear she won’t change dresses.

    So give her the big middle finger and wear it better than her!  I know plenty of people who have worn friends or sisters gowns and (1) no one notices and (2) no one cares.

    You will be a gorgeous bride whatever you decide to do!

    Post # 40
    Member
    73 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    If I were you, I would just wear my dress anyway. Even if your Fiance sees the same dress at the other wedding, he still won’t be seeing it on YOU. That’s the biggeest thing. Unless you really don’t feel attached to the dress, in which case you could look for a different one. But truly, if it were me, I’d still wear it.

    Post # 41
    Member
    181 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I didn’t answer the poll (nor did I read all the comments, so please excuse any redundancy) b/c I don’t think either one should have to give up the dress. You bought your GORGEOUS dress, and you should be able to wear it. You can’t force people to do things, so don’t even think about her. She’s selfish, and you (both) know it, and she has to live with that. I agree that the more you talk about it to people, the more people will notice it; otherwise, people might not even notice–sorry, but it’s true. It’s about how your dress makes you feel on your day. Period. 

    Post # 42
    Member
    28 posts
    Newbee

    I honeslty don’t think people will notice.  I know that is hard to hear but my fiance could not tell you what the dress of the last wedding we went to looked like.  Different color flowers, different chruch, different body types, different bridesmaid dresses.  Don’t make a big deal out of it and no one will notice besides the people you already told!

    Post # 43
    Member
    202 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Just wear it. It is the dress you fell in love with.

    My guess is that it will look different, that your ceremony will be different.

    I  can’t even imagine giving  up my dress.

    You have a right to be angry and even more angry if she knew what your dress looked like before she got hers.

    Post # 44
    Member
    154 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I agree with those who say that you should both just wear the dress.  It’ll look differnet on two different people.

    Post # 45
    Member
    840 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    skuch, all this bad mouthing of the other girl and we still dont know if she knew what your dress looked like when she purchased the same one? I don’t think it’s fair to ask her to give it up if she didn’t know.

    That being said, unless you can change your date to beat hers hahaha, then I would try to exchange the dress for another by Maggie. My dress is a Maggie (actually EXTREMELY similar to yours so I see why you love it) BUT! There are about a billion by her that I LOVE LOVE LOVE, many of them very similar. Are you sure you can’t be happy with another dress?

    Post # 46
    Member
    1144 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2022

    Ha I think i’m a bad person. If she knew you bought it when she did i’d tell her you’ll wear yours to her wedding if she doesn’t get a new one. If it was a mistake and maybe hers is non refundable too and she can’t afford a new one i’d see if maybe she could change hers? and you could change yours a bit.

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