Post # 1
So i got engaged in May 2012 and have had my day picked out since July 2012 ((Oct 5th 2012)).
One of my friends in my church just got engaged on Christmas eve and automatically picked the date ONE day before my wedding on the 4th. She also plans on having her wedding in the same church.
I have grown up in the church and she just started attending a couple moonths ago.
Am I overthinking it or was it REALLY bad manners and just plain rudeness?
Post # 3
That is VERY rude. See if you can move the date up. If a friend or relative got engaged after me and did it at the same venue as mine, I would not attend her wedding. That’s just very disrespectful because you booked the place first.
Post # 4
@MissYoungBee: I mean did she know your plans? I am guessing she did. Is she good friends with you? If not then I do not think it is rude of her, cause she may have her obvious reasons of picking that date (there may not be another time that she could). I understand your frustration, especially for decorating purposes. But almost every venue you go to there will be another girl getting married the day before.
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
Honestly, if it was a sibling it might be different, but since she is a church friend, I say you are overreacting. Surely she didn’t do it just to make you mad. How many guests will you have in common?
Post # 6
Personally, I would find it rude assuming she already knew your plans, and was close enough to you that she wasn’t likely to forget. I’ve got friends who keep forgetting when/where my wedding will be, simply because it’s not the kind of thing that people remember – no one is as excited about your wedding as you are!
If she knew your wedding date and location and still picked that date regardless, I think it’s rude. Perhaps try talking with her and see whether she’s likely to change it or what else can be arranged. There’s a good chance it’s just a mistake on her part.
ETA: I just noticed that she’s a church friend that has only been going to this church for a few months – how long have you known her/how close are you? Are you guys close enough to invite each other to your weddings? If you’re not that close, then this most likely isn’t even an issue.
Post # 7
@katy13 Yes she knew of my wedding date and had even said she would help out with planning. But we are getting married in a small church that does not do weddings outside of the congregation. We have also only had one other wedding in the church in the past ten years. there were ALOT of other dates for her to choose. And Oct. 5th does not hold any significance for her (ie- anniversary).
Post # 8
She will have many of the same guests because how it is typicaly done here we invite the whole congregation to the ceremony at least. We also are in the same group of friends and know many of the same close friends.
Also- I have no other choice then that day because that is the only day in oct. my reception venue has avaliable. She has not even looked into reception venues.
Post # 9
@MissYoungBee: Her wedding her date, your wedding your date. Sorry it is as simple as that.
If it is going to cause issues for you then you have two choices: change your date or accept that she doing it on the same weekend and try to not let it spoil your day. At the end of the day there is nothing you can do about it besides move your date.
Post # 10
This is totally fine. While I understand a spacing between relatives, friends a day apart is no problem, because the overlap of guests won’t be large. We often have weddings close together at my church. Not on 2 days in a row I admit, but I still don’t see a problem.
I’m sure she chose a date that worked for her, and it has nothing to do with you.
Post # 11
You said it yourself that there were no other October dates available – what was she supposed to do? Does her not going to the church as long make her less of a member? I think you’ve got a serious case of bridal brain and are not seeing the big picture here.
Post # 12
- Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club
While the situation stinks (you can’t decorate the day before), you get ONE day to be a bride. You can’t dictate when other people have their weddings. :/
Post # 13
@MissYoungBee: I don’t understand why how long she has been attending the church matters. You don’t own the church, or get special dibs because you went there first.
It is NOT rude for a couple to select a date that works for them. They can choose any date they like.
There seems to be a HUGE misunderstanding of rudeness is. Just because something upsets you, doesn’t make it rude. You can not like it, but this other bride is being perfectly polite.
Post # 14
I know it’s upsetting. But really it’s just one date. It shouldn’t matter how long she’s attended the church. She’s your friend see what you can do to help her out, which i would imagine won’t be much with your own ceremony going on, and your rehersal dinner the day of her wedding. But I would try to be the bigger person, she is a friend from church so maybe you could talk to your officiant about your feelings and get some counseling. It’s a happy time for BOTH of you stop sucking the joy out of it all.
Post # 15
@AlwaysSunny: For MY venue that is the only date. For my reception. Not the church for the ceremony.
I did not mean to make it sound like her going to the church for a shorter amount of time made her less of a member. I was just saying the facts.
Post # 16
Honestly, who cares? She’s not your close friend or sister, just some random person at church. I really don’t see why this could possibly be an issue.