(Closed) Sandwich Generation – you have to be over 40 to get his post LOL!

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
3307 posts
Sugar bee

Not in similar situation but I empathize.

Post # 4
10365 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

You don’t have to be over 40 to get this post. I’m 28 and saw the same dynamic between my mom and her mom, and between my mom and me. If anything, this situation and the negativity are likely your mom resenting losing her independence, and some of the effects of aging causing the forgetfulness and anger at that (she cant remember that it’s her that forgot, so that blame falls to you, etc). It’s a very common symptom of old age.

I think it would be helpful for you to see a counselor, just so that you can hear someone trained in understanding these situations confirm that it isn’t you, and that it’s a normal part of your mom’s life cycle.

Post # 5
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Sadly, your mother and you are caught in a toxic dynamic. She resents being alone and lashes out at you. You feel guilty that she helped you out so feel guilty when it drives you up the wall. It’s unlikely she will change at this point so you need to find a way of stopping it from getting to you so badly. Letting go of the guilt helped me – realising that sure, she helped you but you would have helped your own daughter in that situation and that helping isn’t carte blanche for “now you must be my slave”. I’m not suggesting that you stop helping her – just that you recognise that you do that because you’re a nice person, not because you’d be a horrible person if you didn’t or because you are indebted. Counselling may help you to get things in perspective.

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