- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
My parents were somewhat older (34) when they had me and I was 31 when I had my son & 37 when I had my daughter. Dad passed away fairly young (67) and mom has been alone ever since. Never worked, had friends etc. All she has is me. Now she’s 87 and failing physically & mentally. I do everything for her I can: grocery shopping, getting her mail, putting out her trash, getting her to a haircut & doctor when needed etc. She has very limited mobility. The biggest problem is we’ve never gotten along all that great. After my dad died (they’d moved to be near me) she said the worst thing that could have happened was that she would be left with only me. I resent that she never worked to make her life better after his death. She was only 66 and for 21 years hasn’t been an active part of life – he was her only connection to the rest of the world. I have a brother but he doesn’t speak to us – told mom he figures he’ll hear from someone when she dies. A real charmer!
Now I have a daughter turning 16, a 21 yr old son, I divorced after 25 yrs of very stressful marriage and a wonderful guy found me – we’ll be married in about 3 weeks. My motherloves my FH but is always angry with me. I can’t seem to get anything right for her. I could go to the store 6 days and still not get everything she wants or forgets to ask for. Our local stores don’t have a great delivery option either. I bought her a computer for her 80th bday in hopes she’d learn how to use internet (my kids wanted to teach her) but she told ne it was “the worst gift I could ever get her).
She has helped me out financially especially when I divorced and I feel guilty for being angry with her. But I do feel alone and angry. I’m 53 and have spent my whole life taking care of everyone else. Now I want to have a time I can live for myself just a bit. I want to be crazy excited about my wedding and mom thinks some of my plans are silly, and probably self-indulgent (God forbid-but we’re CatholiC). My mom is depressed and I’m sure she’s scared and feels extra alone in the world, but she created this life for herself – never took care of her health at all; quite smoking for 12 years then 3 years ago went back to 2+packs a day, never exercised, or sought out human companionship. She demands donuts and yet has diabetes… is in great arthritis pain but won’t go to the doctor. I have no help. I’m at a loss. Some days I’m so depressed…the mother that I had connecion with for awhile is gone – lost to failing mental function and anger mostly over my brother. But I pay for whathe does. Thanks for listening. Anyone else who may be in a similar situation?