Post # 1
Member
7 posts
Newbee
I lost my mom at fifteen. She died of breast cancer a mere two weeks before my brother’s wedding. Obviously, there was a sadness which lurked about the event. Still, as I looked at my gorgeous sister-in-law in the dress that she had picked out with my mother, I knew that she was in attendance.
Now, I am exactly one month away from my wedding. My fiancee and I have been together for almost eight years; we have four amazing children (two of whom came from my womb); a mortgage; and what seems like a lifetime of adventures and tragedies experienced together. My fiancee’s mother also passed away from cancer when he was young.
I have missed my mom many times since her death. During my pregnancies I wondered how her’s were; how long were her labors; what did she crave; etc… Perhaps it’s a combination of stress (I literally don a toolbelt every day to finish the building of our home-the venue!), nursing school, children to tend to, but I miss my mom now more than any other time.
Before she died, my mother gave me her mother’s beautiful lace wedding dress (with a silk underdress). My father let his wife (they married 3 months after my mother died) use and cut up my mom’s dress without my knowledge. I know that it’s been years, but I find myself feeling sad again that I will not be able to wear the dress that my mother left for me.
Please excuse this posting if it sounds like a long pity-party. I feel incredibly lucky to have found (and helped to shape) a wonderful man. I love my life and the people with whom I am blessed to share it with. I just wanted to vent my sadness, and maybe hear from other brides with similar stories?
Post # 3
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
Wow… *hugs* I’d be mad about her getting to wear “your” dress. Is there anyway that you can salvage what remains and have it sewn into a new dress, or at least have some of the lace sewn into the underdress. Can you find your mother’s veil and wear that? What if you carried a framed picture of both moms down the aisle instead of flowers. Good luck and I hope you find other brides that have similar stories to be your sounding board:)
Post # 4
Member
581 posts
Busy bee
When your mother dies, and it doesn’t matter what age you are, a void is left that can never be filled. It is only natural that you feel melancholy as you prepare for a special day in your life.
You mother would be so proud of you! You have acquired an education, commited to a fine man, created a family and are soon to complete the construction of your home. You and your family deserve happiness, and I know your mom wants that for you.
I hope you find something else of your mothers that you can carry on your wedding day. The love you are able to give your fiance and children comes from your mother. You carry that with you every day.
Best wishes as you prepare for your wedding, and congratulations on your new family home. (((HUGS)))
Post # 5
Hostess
18615 posts
Honey Beekeeper
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother before my senior year in high school so the entire wedding process was filled with me missing her and wanting her to be there to share her experiences with me. My dad wasn’t able to find my mother’s dress (I wasn’t going to wear it but maybe use it for a project or something). If I have children later, I know I will be wondering about what her pregnancy was like.
Post # 6
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee
First, I’m so sorry you lost your mom. I admit I don’t know what that feels like.
Second, I think I need to vent about the whole situation with your dad. He married three months after your mom died?? Did he even ask to let his wife use the dress. If not, that’s even worse. It belonged to you. Also, she cut it up!!!! Let’s get this straight, she is wearing the wedding dress, of her husband’s late wife’s mother (how creepy) and has the nerve to cut it up???? That’s beyond ridiculous to me. Did you at least claim it back?
What I would do at this point, if you are looking for some closeness: 1) take what you have left of your grandmother’s dress and either make handkerchief, pursse, garter or something for you to carry on your wedding day. (Or you can have it made into some kind of Christening or Communion gown if you have anymore kids). 2) Maybe you could borrow your SIL’s dress, if it’s meaningful for you to wear a dress your mom had seen. I would think your SIL would be understanding, and maybe feel honored??? 3.) Does Fi’s family have his mother’s gown? Maybe you could look into wearing that?
Post # 7
Member
7 posts
Newbee
Thanks Ladies,
I can feel the love jumping off of the computer screen:) You had some really great suggestions.
Tanya123: The issues with my dad go way deeper and farther back than that. I have not heard from him in years. After my mom died, and he remarried (he was actually engaged to another woman a mere 3 weeks after my mom’s death), and I was on my own at 15. My aunty and uncle found out that I had been left alone, and kindly took me in until I was seventeen, and decided to travel around the world doing volunteer work.
I have asked my uncle (the one who took me in) to officiate the wedding, and my brother will be giving me away.
I really don’t know where the dress is now, but I really liked the idea of wearing something else of my mother’s down the aisle. I just found an old hand-carved ivory necklace which belonged to my mothers’ mother. I think it will match my new ivory dress perfectly. Thanks for all of the well-wishes and great advice!
MissAsB: It would be nice if you could find a family member or friend who was close to your mother during her pregnancy. My aunty remembered some of the details from my mom’s pregnancies, and was able to share them with me….It was comforting.
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