(Closed) Save the Date – address labels etiquette

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
Hostess
16191 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Are you going for formal or informal for save-the-dates? We addressed our invitations formally but our save the dates were pretty informal. Either way, definitely address them to all who are invited (including husbands/SOs).

Post # 6
Member
1217 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

How conservative/traditional is your family? You’re not using inner envelopes, right? – just one envelope?

My family is moderately traditional – most of my relatives are East Coast WASPs. But we are also planning a budget wedding and I wasn’t too too worried about offending anyone with our envelopes… I was more concerned with making sure people knew who exactly was invited.

So here’s what I did:

Married couples:  Mr. and Mrs. Dave Smith

Single: Ms. Jane Smith (or, if they are allowed to bring a date, I wrote “Ms. Jane Smith and guest”… big no-no supposedly but I think for out-of-towners who are allowed to bring a date, it’s really helpful!)

Girlfriend with S.O.: put both names on envelope and, if they don’t live together, mail it to whoever you’re closer to. e.g. Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. Ryan Reynolds

Guy friend with S.O.: same – put both names on envelope and, if they don’t live together, mail it to whoever you’re closer to.

I’d say for your BMs, if they’re married, treat them like any other married couple and write on the envelope/address label “Mr. and Mrs. Dave Smith”

Post # 7
Member
1185 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Also, married couples and those who live together need to be invited together. If someone is only dating, I’d only address the friend for the STD.

Post # 8
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

i have to say if i was Bridesmaid or Best Man in one of my best friend’s wedding and she addressed the invitation to “Mrs. HisFirst HisLast” it would make me momentarily sad. Being a Bridesmaid or Best Man can be a lot of work and is an emotional thing in my mind, and i would want to be “Mrs. MyFirst and Mr. HisFirst OurLast” just as a recognition thing.

FWIW, i would always want to be “Mrs. MyFirst and Mr. HisFirst OurLast” because i severely dislike not having my own name, but i get that some formal things havent changed to catch up with the times yet. however on an invite where i was in the wedding it would feel extra insulting

Post # 11
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Etiquette actually says that the envelope is a business contract with the postal carrier.  For the price of a stamp, the mail carrier agrees to deliver the item of mail to the addressee at the given address.  Because of this, it is proper to ALWAYS use titles on the envelopes – unless you know that the addressee is on a first name basis with their mail carrier.  (And who really is anymore?)

Etiquette also says that the proper titles for any person or couple is the title that they prefer.  If you do not know what that title is, and you aren’t able to find out (because they have no phones or internet, and are generally hermits, so none of your other contacts know either; for example)… then the general guidelines are as follows:

For a married couple in the USA

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith

For a single gentleman in the USA

Mr. John Smith

For a single lady in the USA

Miss (or Ms. if she prefers) Jane Brown

For a couple who live together, but do not share a last name (married or not)

Mr. John Smith and Ms. Jane Brown

If you are addressing a doctor and spouse, the doctor is addressed first, regardless of gender

Dr. and Mr. John Smith  or

Dr. Jane Brown and Mr. John Smith

 

That being said, many people don’t use titles on less formal correspondence, even though it is correct.

As an aside, while sending Save the Dates, it might be wise to send them only to people you KNOW will still be on your guest list when invitations go out.  While it is absolutely proper to send an individual invitation to your brother’s girlfriend (who he does not live with), if you send her a StD and they break up in the next 6 months you’re in an awkward position when you send invitations.

Post # 12
Member
1217 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Gemstone:  Whew ok glad to hear I’m not the only one!!

Post # 13
Member
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Just use their names if you know them.

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