Post # 1
We are inviting kids to our wedding and are doing save the dates in envelopes. Originally it was going to be a postcard but we didn’t like the layout, but the card idea is still whimiscal enough that I want it to be informal.
1) In a couple who is living together but not married and/or the wife didn’t take her husbands name, who’s name goes first? Same question for married couples.
2) For families, we want to do John and Jane Doe and Family, but I feel like there are two many ‘and’s. Any suggestions? This will be for any family with kids.
Post # 3
I’m by no means an etiquette maven, but here is what I did.
When a husband and wife have different last names, the wife’s name is traditionally written first. Connecting the couple’s names by the word “and” implies marriage. For an unmarried couple that lives together, names should be written on separate lines without the word “and.”
I put the last names in alphabetical order for just the unmarried folk (but I don’t know if this is traditionally correct or not) and listed them on separate lines.
For #2, as you are going for informal, what about just using “The Doe Family”?
Post # 4
@MsMindle: Our of curiousity, isn’t it opposite if the woman is a Dr? One of the couples we’re inviting she’s a Dr…so isn’t it…”Dr. Jane Smith and Mr. George Benz”?
Post # 5
@caits615: Yep, you’re totally right! The spouse with the professional title is listed first. I edited my post to reflect that I was just referring to unmarried couples (those are the only ones I listed in alpha order, separate lines).
Post # 6
Ooh, I disagree with PP. Non-Mrs women go first, followed by the man. The names do go on separate lines, but since you’re going more informal I think Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Smith would be fine.
The Doe Family would also be okay since you’re going for more informal, but addressing guidelines dictate that each child gets their own line, each 18+ age adult gets their own invite. Example:
Mr and Mrs John Doe
Ms (or Miss) Susie Doe
Mr (or Master) Johnnie Doe
That being said, I did formal addresses for my STD but still addressed 1 envelope as “The XXX Family” to the annoying cousins who still have 3 adult children living at home. I didn’t want to send 3 extra invites when I know their mom will send it back for them.
Post # 7
For the first one:
The doctor is still female, and still a MRS, MISS or MS. I don’t agree with putting titles on a wedding invitation unless it’s royalty or some public figure, like a mayor. A doctor doesn’t merit a special title to the name. You are not inviting a “doctor” you are inviting Jane Smith, your cousin! (Anyways, that’s my take on this issue, and I may be wrong)
Mrs. Jane Smith and Mr. Ben Anderson, if they have different names — Mr. and Mrs Jane and Ben Smith if they have the same last names
For the second one:
Jane Smith & Ben Anderson and family – this way there is one one “and” but the “&” unites the parents names, easier on the eyes.
Post # 8
@BooRadley: There are so many different variations, it is soooo hard to figure out which is the best course of action. I’m glad that you mentioned an alternative point-of-view! When I did my wedding invites, I just followed the rule that seemed the most prevalent. Hopefully I didn’t do anything too off-base! 🙂
Post # 9
1. alphabetical order on separate lines. (if 1 is a professional e.g., Dr. they go on first line)
Post # 10
@happyface: This can be so confusing. Is there a degree availaible in wedding etiquette?
Post # 12
Thanks for everyone’s advice. The issue of having multiple people on different lines is that we are uploading all the addresses into a spreadsheet to have the cards get automatically mailed out (website is called Send Out Cards which my Future Mother-In-Law swears by) so I don’t think I can do that, so I’ll just go with Woman & Man and Family as a generic template 🙂