(Closed) Save the date and inviting groomsmans girlfriend +rant

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@JesC:  I would say you don’t need save the dates. It’s up to you really. I’m getting married in June, and have been planning my 300 person wedding since May, and I am not doing save the dates. It was just an additional expense that I felt wasn’t needed.

With respect to the girlfriend, if she and the groomsman live together, you need to invite her. But based on your post, I would be surprised if she would attend. Which would be a win-win for you. You look like the bigger person by extending the olive branch, and she won’t be at the event based on her own choice.

Post # 4
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

1.    STD’s aren’t a requirement for anyone, and in your case I personally feel like they’re extraneous.
2.    Unfortunately, if the Groomsmen and the GFFH (girlfriend from hell) are living together as a couple, you must also invite her. Maybe she’ll do you a favor and not show?


Post # 5
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Definitely don’t need Save-The-Date Cards.  However, you really need to invite the Girlfriend.  It would be very rude not to and your FI’s friend would most likely be very upset, if not decline all together.  I wouldn’t want to put him in a position of having to choose between his friend and girlfriend.

Post # 6
3943 posts
Honey bee

No to the STD’s, yes to the girlfriend being invited.  


Post # 7
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you’re fine without sending Save-The-Date Cards but unfortunately I do think you have to invite the Girlfriend. 

Post # 8
1227 posts
Bumble bee

1. No HAS to send save the dates. I wouldn’t bother.

2. I know you hate her, and it sounds like the feeling is mutual, but I always wonder when I read these posts how the OP would feel if someone wanted to invite THEIR better half to what is basically an all day and night affair, and not invite them. I would expect my Fiance to turn down such an invitation, and knowing him, he would without even discussing me.  We are a couple, and though we do have separate lives, when it comes to social invitations, we go together or not at all. (That’s not to say if one of us feels il, or have to work that the other doesn’t go.) 

Post # 9
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Initially I wasn’t going to do STD either, but I’m having a Destination Wedding, so thought I should give people a heads up to book hotels, etc. But if its local, I don’t think you have to.


For the Girlfriend, that’s a toughie. I would say do what you want. But it also might cause conflict between your Fiance and his friend. If you can handle her being there without her being a distraction, then just invite her and see if she even shows up. I would let your bridal party or any one else know the situation with you two, so that way if she starts to act up or cause drama, she can get thrown out immediatley. 

Post # 12
979 posts
Busy bee

I agree, be the bigger person in the situation. 

Post # 13
9592 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I agree with PP.  I wouldn’t do the Save-The-Date Cards and I would invite the Girlfriend.  Hopefully she won’t show…but at least you took the high road.  Not inviting her would just cause more drama.

Post # 14
1227 posts
Bumble bee

@JesC:  Good luck.

Honestly, I expect you’ll be so excited, you won’t even notice she’s there. 🙂

Post # 15
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Save The Dates are a relatively NEW thing on the “stationery scene”

From a point of Etiquette they are not required… and in many cases they can actually “cause issues” (as a lot of times Brides send them out BEFORE they’ve actually sat down and worked out all the details in regards to Venues, and Costs etc).  Retracting a STD is ALWAYS awkward.

For a small Wedding, I don’t see any need to pursue this idea whatsoever (they can come in handy tho if one is planning to have a Destination Wedding and wanting to give their Guests a heads-up in regards to Dates & Locations)

As for the Groomsman Girlfriend…

Typically, Members of the Bridal Party get Plus Ones.

And Married, Engaged, and Living Together Couples are always invited as a “Social Unit”… because that is infact what they are.

So ya, no real out of this one… Groomsman Girlfriend makes the Guest List.


Post # 16
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Save-The-Date Cards not needed, we aren’t bothering with them.

The live-in witch, she has to be invited. 

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