(Closed) Save the date but no invite?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
399 posts
Helper bee

Is it possible she hasn’t sent out invites? I know it’s down to the wire, are there mutual friends you could ask? If not, Id call her and say “hey so and so, I think my invite got lost in the mail and I wanted to RSVP” or something of the like. It would be incredibly rude to send a save the date and not an invite. Invites do get lost.

Also, no you do not need to send a gift. Gifts are not reciprocal. Frankly, if she truly didn’t invite you, I’d don’t know why you’d want to send a gift at all. 

Post # 3
Bee
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - St. Francis of Assisi Church & N.O. Board of Trade

Do you know that other guests got their invites? Depending on the wedding date in May, they’ve still got time to send them. Most people do 6-8 weeks, so they could be sent shortly. 

If you know others have received their invites, and you have not, I would mention something to the bride.  We had several invites go missing in the mail for no good reason at all! 

Post # 4
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

View original reply
DenHWedding:  you should definitely inquire. We didn’t do save the dates because we had a 6 month engagement and invitations went out in December (looking back maybe stupid that we sent them out during the holidays) and two got sent back all mangled I could not read the original addresses and two got completely lost.

Post # 5
Member
536 posts
Busy bee

 

DenHWedding:  SO WEIRD! I am in the same boat. A friend from college sent me his save the date summer of 2014. His wedding is May 12 of this year. I havent gotten an invite or anything. I havent really talked to him or seen him since college so I thought it was weird that he was sending me a save the date anyways.

Post # 6
Member
3232 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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DenHWedding:  I’m also a May bride and we just sent out invitations on Friday, our guests are just now receiving them for May 24. I sent 8 weeks ahead of time which is the longer side of the appropriate 6-8 weeks time frame, so it’s very possible that you just haven’t receive the invitation yet. Now if the wedding is at the beginning of May I would probably start feeling antsy and I would find out, as PPs suggested, from mutual friends or the bride/groom themselves if your invitation should have been received. If they sent you a STD and are now not inviting you, I would definitely not send a gift and I’d probably re-examine the friendship as that is incredibly rude. 

Post # 7
Member
408 posts
Helper bee

Hmm I’d say give it a few more weeks incase she hasn’t sent them yet. 

Then maybe call her and if you are of the mindset ‘she better invite me she sent a savethedate and I already booked a hotel!’ say, “so this is totally awkard but I don’t know how to handle this other than to ask you about it.. I booked a hotel after receiving your savethedate in the fall and I’m worried I haven’t received an invitation yet, was mine possibly lost in the mail?”

or

If you are of the mindset ‘I don’t want rudely invite myself , I just want to know if my invitation was lost or not’ say, “Hey so I’m sorry to pester you about this, I don’t mean to be rude and if you didn’t plan on inviting me that’s fine I totally understand, but I’m a bit confused because I received a savethedate but have not yet received an invitation so I was wondering if I am in fact invited or not, only because I would need to make accomodations for myself really soon at this point. Again, I don’t mean to be rude, I just don’t know how to handle this situation other than asking you”

Post # 8
Member
1247 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
DenHWedding:  It’s odd that you weren’t invited to the bridal shower. However, I am a May bride and only sent out my invitations yesterday (May 30 wedding). I would give it another week before inquiring the bride about it.

Post # 9
Member
3031 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

Like others have said, see if you can ask a mutual friend if they got an invite yet. My wedding is May 30 and I sent out invites on March 20th… which is almost 12 weeks before so kinda early but they were done and I didn’t see any reason for them to sit around the house. (The bridal shower thing could have just been because she didn’t handle the guest list? if she even had a shower?)

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by  amberback.
Post # 10
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee

It’s not really that odd to not be invited to the bridal shower…I’ve been invited to plenty of weddings where I did not attend that…

On the other hand, VERY possible it got lost. A few of our Save-The-Date Cards got lost in the mail and I’m happy I asked around a bit!

Post # 11
Member
8983 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
DenHWedding:  Regarding the wedding, I would try to find out if she’s sent invitations yet. About the shower, I’d let it go. Maybe there wasn’t one, maybe she wasn’t asked for a guest list, maybe it was 10-15 closest family members, who knows. But if you got a save the date for the wedding, it’s reasonable to ask about the wedding invitation because they DO get lost in the mail.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by  Daisy_Mae. Reason: clarity
Post # 12
Member
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I would send the bride a message since her wedding is in May she should have sent them out by now. Some brides get so excited with being engaged that they send out save the dates to everyone but when it comes to planning the actual wedding they realize they cant afford to invite everyone. I would send the bride a message asking what up. 

Post # 13
Member
758 posts
Busy bee

I’d ask around about the invites and see if anyone else has gotten them. If they have, I’d ask the bride.

It’s a fair question, since you’re only supposed to send Save The Date’s to those who are being invited. If she changed her mind, she has to deal with the awkward conversation that was bound to follow that decision.

Also — invites get lost in the mail all the time! I’d be upset if I knew one of my friends was wondering how to approach me about whether or not they were invited if their invite ever got lost in the mail.  

Post # 15
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - The Runnymede Hotel

View original reply
DenHWedding:  

May bride here! I don’t think there would be anything wrong with asking the Bride – because something similar happened to me and I was so embarrassed!<br /><br />It was almost the exact same situation – a friend I have known since we were eight, though we only see each other once or twice a year. I sent her a save the date, then sent out all of my invitations this January – though not hers! I had been planning to see her that very week, so rather than post it I hung onto her invite hoping to give it to her in person. Plans changed on both ends and due to a hectic few months (in which, sadly, her father died), we never saw each other.<br /><br />Anyway, a few weeks ago she sent me a message on facebook asking if she was still invited! She’d heard from my Bridesmaids about the hen party and got worried she hadn’t had an invitation. I was absolutely motified and met with her as soon as I could to give her the invite!<br /><br />Anyway, long story short I was glad she got in touch – though it was totally my fault!

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by  Warhol_Girl89.

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