Post # 1
I am so annoyed and honestly I don’t even know if I have the right to be because technically I’m in the wrong but still people have no chill…
I had sent out 90% of my Save-The-Date Cards last week. There were ~3 I didn’t send out because the spreadsheet I had printed out cut off their apartment number and I wasn’t able to get to my computer for a couple of days to confirm the address. The others were a group of my Fiance friends and the reason I didn’t send it was because one of the friends had a family member who died suddenly so we thought it would be an inappropriate time to send Save-The-Date Cards and wanted to wait a week while they’re grieving.
It had been really busy at work and I was walking around with these 10 Save-The-Date Cards and didn’t get a chance to put them in the mail box. Well on Sunday night I got a voicemial from my FI’s grandmother that his aunt’s husband’s, parents have not yet recieved their STD and are upset.
WTAF?! They were one of the 3 couples whose info I needed to confirm and haden’t sent. Everyone else got their Save-The-Date Cards on Thursday and it was Sunday so they thought it would be okay to relay this info through at least 2 different people to tell me this??
I know it’s partially my fault for not sending them out to everone in a certain social circle at the same time. That’s on me. But seriously complaining after four days and having it get all the way to the bride just blows my mind. And it’s not like it’s a close family member, we see them maybe once every 2 years and they don’t have our phone number so they couldn’t confront us about this directly so instead they had to gossip behind my back.
Idk how to feel right now (ashamed, embarrassed, or angry). This is such a stupid problem and I just needed to rant. I’ll obviously be sending out the STD today. Any advice on how to handle this or if I even need to handle this? I feel like not only have I insulted this couple, but also my FIs aunt & uncle and my FI’s grandmother.
Post # 2
honeybee16 : No handling needed. Also no shame, embarassment, or anger needed. Just a brief acknowledgement (to yourself) that some people apparently have very little going on in their lives atm. I would just put the Save-The-Date Cards in the mail and not even respond to the voicemail. If she brings it up next time you see her or talk to her, just say “yeah, not everyone got theirs on the same day.” I wouldn’t go into a big explanation because it’s not even needed, but I wouldn’t be mad really either. Just kinda eyerolly.
Post # 3
I don’t think you have to do anything. Just mail the STD asap and if they talk about it again, just say you are sorry if they were confused or worried they weren’t invited, but there was an honest address mistake.
Post # 4
Daisy_Mae : I think you hit the nail on the head. Some people just really just don’t have enough stuff going on to fill up their day. Whereas I’m being pulled in so many directions I can’t even make it to a post office before 5pm. Thank you
Post # 5
Or you can just say you weren’t done sending them out which is the truth. (only if you feel the need to explain tho) Personally, this is trifling but not really enought to respond to.
There’s a social circle etiquette to sending STD’s? That’s a thing?
Post # 6
+1 to what Daisy_Mae and lahela017 said!
It’s like dude, you didn’t get yours after two days when someone else did and you’re so mad? TWO DAYS? Really? I have gotten invites a few days after some of my friends did before and didn’t even think anything of it!
Post # 7
Unfortunately this will probably not be the last problem in wedding planning that you will stumble across. Brush it off and try to enjoy the rest of the process. You didnt do anything wrong.
Post # 8
1. Save the dates are not a requirement for any wedding ever, and
2. They are certainly not a requirement to give to all guests
I fail to see how you’re in the wrong. Many people only give them to a certain subset of guests – i.e. VIPs they know 100% will be invited no matter what happens (say a layoff or unexpected financial trouble requires you drastically downsizing your wedding) or to people who require making travel arrangements by plane and are not within a reasonable driving distance. In fact, I personally recommend NOT giving them to everyone on your guest list precisely for the first reason – how many posts have been on here by people who are trying to cut expenses and find themselves stuck because they already sent save the dates to EVERYONE or they aren’t as close to someone as they were a year ago when the save the date went out and don’t want to invite them anymore.
So, yeah, your family can just slow their roll on the completely unnecessary totally optional piece of mail that could also have been communicated by a quick phone call or not at all and would not change a thing because it’s just a heads up.
Post # 9
honeybee16 : Yeah, there’s an etiquette faux-pas going on alright, but it’s not yours. It’s the relatives of your Fiance who are pushy to the point of obnoxiousness. IA with Daisy_Mae : they don’t have enough to occupy their day. ffs, total eyeroll.
This is definitely a case of people who need to chill- 4 days?!?! not to mention those days fall over a weekend so really only 2 mail delivery days- even if you’d mailed out every single STD on the same day, not everyone would get them at the same time depending on their location/ mail service etc. And I’m sure there’s some chill person out there who doesn’t get home delivery in their area and just stops by the post office once or twice a week, yet has managed to not make the lack of an STD into the drama of the month. lol some people
Post # 10
honeybee16 : They should not have contacted you. They are in the wrong. It is not proper etiquette. Just send the save the dates out ASAP and if they ask say you were working on confirming a few addresses and printing more labels. If they complain say” it is on the way and you are very busy” This also happened to me. I actually sent them out but 3 of them got lost in the mail ( I have no idea how). I sent a 2nd round of them and everyone receive them. I think family freaking out is common around weddings LOL
Post # 11
annabananabee : That is an EXCELLENT point!!
Post # 12
honeybee16 : I’d prob act dumb and say “oh! Of course you are invited. It must have gotten lost in the mail. I send out a new one on x.”
Post # 13
Depending on the day they caught me, I’d probably end up responding in 1 of 2 ways.
1- Let them know “It’s on the way. Their address had to be verified because they hadn’t gotten back to me yet.” in a completely neutral tone and then get on with my very busy day.
Or 2- “What makes them so sure they’re invited?” with an evil cackle.
People probably contacted you the way they did because there was some concern about #2 being the issue.
Hopefully, they’ll return their rsvps in a timely manner.
Post # 14
honeybee16 : Honestly with the way mail is half the time it could have been that the mailman didn’t deliver it in a timely fashion! Less that you didn’t mail it out. I know you didn’t mail it out at the same time but they shouldn’t just assume either!
Post # 15
Daisy_Mae : Yep… don’t even respond. Just send them. If anything is said at all, then it would be, “…Hmmmm, that’s weird. Gotta love USPS!”