Save the Date "drama"

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
8858 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

honeybee16 :  No handling needed. Also no shame, embarassment, or anger needed. Just a brief acknowledgement (to yourself) that some people apparently have very little going on in their lives atm. I would just put the Save-The-Date Cards in the mail and not even respond to the voicemail. If she brings it up next time you see her or talk to her, just say “yeah, not everyone got theirs on the same day.” I wouldn’t go into a big explanation because it’s not even needed, but I wouldn’t be mad really either. Just kinda eyerolly.

Post # 3
2631 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I don’t think you have to do anything.  Just mail the STD asap and if they talk about it again, just say you are sorry if they were confused or worried they weren’t invited, but there was an honest address mistake.

Post # 5
1677 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Or you can just say you weren’t done sending them out which is the truth.  (only if you feel the need to explain tho)  Personally, this is trifling but not really enought to respond to.  

There’s a social circle etiquette to sending STD’s?  That’s a thing?

Post # 6
223 posts
Helper bee

+1 to what Daisy_Mae and lahela017  said! 

It’s like dude, you didn’t get yours after two days when someone else did and you’re so mad?  TWO DAYS?  Really?  I have gotten invites a few days after some of my friends did before and didn’t even think anything of it! 

Post # 7
929 posts
Busy bee

Unfortunately this will probably not be the last problem in wedding planning that you will stumble across. Brush it off and try to enjoy the rest of the process. You didnt do anything wrong.

Post # 8
4563 posts
Honey bee

Well, considering

1.  Save the dates are not a requirement for any wedding ever, and

2.  They are certainly not a requirement to give to all guests

I fail to see how you’re in the wrong.  Many people only give them to a certain subset of guests – i.e. VIPs they know 100% will be invited no matter what happens (say a layoff or unexpected financial trouble requires you drastically downsizing your wedding) or to people who require making travel arrangements by plane and are not within a reasonable driving distance.  In fact, I personally recommend NOT giving them to everyone on your guest list precisely for the first reason – how many posts have been on here by people who are trying to cut expenses and find themselves stuck because they already sent save the dates to EVERYONE or they aren’t as close to someone as they were a year ago when the save the date went out and don’t want to invite them anymore.

So, yeah, your family can just slow their roll on the completely unnecessary totally optional piece of mail that could also have been communicated by a quick phone call or not at all and would not change a thing because it’s just a heads up.

Post # 9
5893 posts
Bee Keeper

honeybee16 :  Yeah, there’s an etiquette faux-pas going on alright, but it’s not yours. It’s the relatives of your Fiance who are pushy to the point of obnoxiousness. IA with Daisy_Mae :  they don’t have enough to occupy their day. ffs, total eyeroll. 

This is definitely a case of people who need to chill- 4 days?!?! not to mention those days fall over a weekend so really only 2 mail delivery days- even if you’d mailed out every single STD on the same day, not everyone would get them at the same time depending on their location/ mail service etc. And I’m sure there’s some chill person out there who doesn’t get home delivery in their area and just stops by the post office once or twice a week, yet has managed to not make the lack of an STD into the drama of the month. lol some people undecided

Post # 10
164 posts
Blushing bee

honeybee16 : They should not have contacted you. They are in the wrong. It is not proper etiquette. Just send the save the dates out ASAP and if they ask say you were working on confirming a few addresses and printing more labels. If they complain say” it is on the way and you are very busy” This also happened to me. I actually sent them out but 3 of them got lost in the mail ( I have no idea how). I sent a 2nd round of them and everyone receive them. I think family freaking out is common around weddings LOL

Post # 12
120 posts
Blushing bee

honeybee16 :  I’d prob act dumb and say “oh! Of course you are invited. It must have gotten lost in the mail. I send out a new one on x.”

Post # 13
6224 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Depending on the day they caught me, I’d probably end up responding in 1 of 2 ways.

1- Let them know “It’s on the way. Their address had to be verified because they hadn’t gotten back to me yet.” in a completely neutral tone and then get on with my very busy day.

Or 2- “What makes them so sure they’re invited?” with an evil cackle.

People probably contacted you the way they did because there was some concern about #2 being the issue.

Hopefully, they’ll return their rsvps in a timely manner.

Post # 14
6448 posts
Bee Keeper

honeybee16 :  Honestly with the way mail is half the time it could have been that the mailman didn’t deliver it in a timely fashion!  Less that you didn’t mail it out. I know you didn’t mail it out at the same time but they shouldn’t just assume either!

Post # 15
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Daisy_Mae :  Yep… don’t even respond.  Just send them.  If anything is said at all, then it would be, “…Hmmmm, that’s weird.  Gotta love USPS!”

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