(Closed) Save The Date / Invitation Address Etiquette – Odd Situations…need help!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
1299 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

On save the dates, don’t worry about guests. That will buy you some time on deciding the +1s. Everyone 18 and over gets their own invitation. If the family insists on one, address the outer envelope to the whatever family, then put each individual’s name on the inner envelope.

Post # 3
7480 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Proper etiquette states that every person (or couple) over 18 gets their own invite. 

Post # 4
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

It depends on formality level. If this is a formal wedding, each adult couple should get their own Save the Date (so family1 would get 3 separate save the dates, one for cousin and boyfriend and one each ofr her daughters). If it’s a casual wedding you can probably get away with just listing all the invited individuals in the same household on one Save the Date.

Post # 5
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

HoldFastHope: how have previous cousins / family members handled it in the past? PP say that each adult couple gets their own invite. In the past, each adult couple used to have their own household as well. This isn’t necessarily true these days (thanks, economy!) so it’s completely understandable how confusing this is.

My family/cultural tradition is to invite everyone in one household on the same invitation. If you don’t, you are slighting the patriarch / matriarch. Single people in their own household get invited on their parents’ invitation. (Don’t hate — I don’t make the rules, just sharing them) It’s worth asking your mom, dad, aunties, uncles, etc. what they expect if it matters to you. 

It’s pretty complicated and at the end of the day, I just want everyone who is invited to know that they are invited, RSVP so that I can have seats and meals forthem, and for everyone to enjoy themselves. 

Post # 6
1692 posts
Bumble bee

One of the reasons you are not finding formal etiquette rulings on how to address Save the Date cards, is that they are not entirely proper. They boil down to being advanced advertising for your party and as such tend to make the whole thing appear a little commercial.

The proper etiquette-approved alternative, is to write a sweet, personal note to each person whose attendance at your wedding is essential to your happiness on your wedding day. In your note you tell them everything they need to know: what you are planning and when, and which family members you are hoping to see at the wedding. You do not need to send such a note to every person, and certainly not to “and Guest”, so addressing gets a lot easier!

Even if you are going the printed Save-the-date route, you do not need to send them to everyone. Send them to the essential people only. Any other course of action risks Save-the-date regret later on closer to the invitations, in the event of unforeseen budget or venue constraints.

Post # 8
2847 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Any adult should receive his/her own invitation.  For unmearried couples: Ms. Sue Adams Mr. Tom Jones   That’s how I did it.  Add “and guest” for any single adult who is welcome to bring a guest. If there are minor children, I just listed their names under the parents’ names.  If the child’s name is not on the invite, he/she isn’t invited.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by  NavyBee.
Post # 9
2847 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Don’t invite the cousin who plans to bring her 1 year old.

Post # 10
4037 posts
Honey bee

Every child that is big enough to sit in a baby seat strapped to a chair, or a high chair, counts as 1. They count as a place at a table, they count in the number of tablecloths you have to rent and centerpieces that have to be made/bought. Even though they might not add to the $$$ food count, they add to capacity numbers, at the venue. For my 2nd daughter’s wedding (2014), we’re stuck with a strict number – it’s a historic venue, so we can’t/won’t admit any uninvited guests.  

My daughter’s wedding (2013) was strictly 21+, except for her honorary little sister (a mature-looking 16 year old), who was a bridesmaid. The venue charged the full adult rate, for 13+, even though a 5-hour open bar was included. They obviously discourage kids from attending. Only 2 couples, out of 250 people invited said that child care might be an issue and didn’t attend (and 1 couple has a nanny). 225 other people got there. Her save the dates were addressed to those in the household, who were invited, as were the invitations.

I agree don’t invite the cousin who’s inconsiderate enough to insist on bringing a one-year old. Make it a very clear 18 or 21 (our state’s drinking age) and up.

Post # 12
22 posts
  • Wedding: February 2014

MrsBeck is correct.  Every adult guest (or couple) should receive their own invitiation regarless of where they live.  It is NOT a slight to the mother or father if their adult children receive their own invitation, even if they are living at home as bitsybee has stated.<br /><br />As for save the dates, you can either address them the same way you would the invitations or you can send one to each address.

Post # 13
26 posts

HoldFastHope:  I agree with MrsBeck too. Every adult guest should recieve their own invitation with designation in the RSVP for the number of guest and either children allowed/not allowed policy; however, if you are just sending the save the dates, you send them to the household with the notice that formal invites will follow.

Post # 14
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I had the same issue. I just ended up sending separate invites to those people who were either married or were out of college with full-time jobs (aka “adults”). So yeah, I’m one of those brides that ended up mailing 5 invites to the same address…


Good luck!

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