(Closed) Save the date query

posted 14 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1485 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I would definately not provide all this detail with the STDs.  Usually, the STD just indicates the date, and that you’re going to be married, and that a formal invitation will follow.

You normally sent STDs because people need to make travel arrangements, or because it’s a holiday weekend and you don’t want people to make other plans.  I’m sure you’re not expecting people only invited to the reception to travel for that, so maybe you really only need to send STDs to the people invited to the ceremony.  Or maybe you don’t really need to send STDs at all – and a short note or email to potential Out of Town guests will suffice.  I know the STD is the trendy thing to do just now, but it’s really only necessary under fairly special circumstances.

Post # 4
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

This is a difficult question.  There are going to be people offended, be prepared for this.  Basically, the question on everyone’s mind is "Why didn’t they invite me to the ceremony too?"  I would urge you to consider only inviting guests to the reception that you have inviting to the ceremony.  You would avoid any breaches of etiquette that way and could send out your save the dates to all guests.  A guest that receives a STD will assume they are invited to all wedding festivities.  It would be very weird to see a extra card in the STD telling me I didn’t make the special ceremony list.

Post # 5
21 posts
  • Wedding: July 2009

I agree with Niki.  I think that if you invite people to your reception, they should be invited to the ceremony.  Keep your guest list at 50 and don’t invite anyone else.  Sometimes there are people that will only come to the reception, but you should not take any chances. 

Post # 6
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

It is not necessary to invite everyone to the ceremony.  The ceremony can be very small and intimate with a large reception to follow.  I’ve been to several weddings like this, both as an invitee to the ceremony and reception and as an invitee just to the reception.  The invitations are clearly different from eachother, and there should be no confusion on the part of your guests.  I think the invitation for the reception only read something like:

Come celebrate the marriage of _________and _______________

and then gave only the information for the reception.  Somewhere on the invite I am pretty sure it mentioned that the reception was following an intimate family wedding.

I wasn’t offended, and as far as I could tell no one else was either.  It was great because there were only 20 people for the ceremony, but she was able to celebrate after with over 200 of us!

Post # 7
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

OH — and save the dates should be sent to anyone who will be attending the reception (whether attending ceremony or not).  STD’s are a nice way of saying — keep this date open!

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