(Closed) Save the date regret…

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If you are avoiding spending time with her then dont send her an invite. I know the etiquette gods may strike me down but seriously you dont HAVE to invite someone that you dont want at your wedding just because they got an STD 9 months b4 the wedding.. Personally I would just not invite her n pretend I 4got 

Post # 4
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I had a situation that was similar.  I did what everyone will say is completley awful. I didn’t send the invitation.  I didn’t care what etiquette said, I didn’t want her there and that was it.

Post # 5
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

That is a tough one. We had that happen with friends we were close with but then weren’t when the time for the wedding came around. We still sent them an invitation knowing they most likely wouldn’t accept and they didn’t. But it sounds like she trys to stay in contact with you. I’d keep up with the one word texts and denying hanging out and hope she gets the hint. However, maybe you should just invite her. I don’t know, I’d feel embarassed if I ever ran into her and she was like, Oh how come I didn’t get an invite to your wedding. Or she might just come out and ask when it gets close to her wedding if you’ve sent the invites out. Then what would you say, “yes, but you’re no longer invited?” Sorry you’re in such a bind.

Post # 7
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would send them an invite.  You will be so busy talking to everyone and paying attention to each other that you will not be spending very much time with them anyway.  Hopefully she will not bring the attitude to a wedding, and you never know, they may not even show up.

Post # 8
157 posts
Blushing bee

I agree, you won’t be sitting on each others laps so hopefully she won’t bug you too much while she’s there!

Post # 9
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m in the “don’t invite her” camp. On a special day like that, I want to be surrounded by the people I enjoy, not the ones I invite out of obligation. 

Post # 10
374 posts
Helper bee

Do you feel comfortable telling her that due to the economy you have had to make drastic cuts to your invitation list and that it pains you to have to cut out people, but it is a necessity and you have to downsize your wedding unexpectedly.

And leave it at that.  The earlier you tell her the better.

I’m sure if money were not an issue, you would invite more people, so it is the truth.


Post # 11
28 posts
  • Wedding: August 2012

Send the invite. Chances are you won’t even notice she’s there. You will be to busy with everything else.

Post # 12
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’d say if you’re going to notice her presence at the wedding in a negative way, don’t invite her. If she asks about it, act surprised and use the ol’ “must have gotten lost in the mail” excuse. You’ll have to invite her verbally then–it’d be super jerky not to since you DID send the STD–but there’s also a good chance you’ll be able to avoid her to the point that she won’t have the chance to ask.

Wow, I feel like sort of a heartless bitch for even writing that.

Post # 13
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

You’re going to be so busy on your wedding day, you’ll probably hardly notice them there.  I would send them an invite.  You’re not stuck with her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man or anything.  

Post # 14
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I love this thread and your responses!

My fiance did a bit of over-inviting on his list, but out of guilt I did not push him to forgo the invites. I do, however, keep my fingers crossed that a few of these folks decide not to come to the wedding.

Seriously, if you are no longer need this person in your life — and you are sure you won’t change your mind — forget about inviting her.

Post # 15
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Reading all of these STD nightmares have made me decide that we’re ONLY sending them to family.  I would probably still invite her because I’m pretty passive and I HATE confrontation.  Yes, I hate confrontation so much that I’d cough up the extra $200 to invite her and her bf and call it loss..  Blah, I cringe reading your story, because I can totally see that being me..

Post # 16
374 posts
Helper bee

Hi.  You know these other women do have a point.  You may or may not notice her.  You could use the line “it got lost in the mail.”  If you are posting photos on face book; if other people will, and you feel comfortable with your decision not to invite her, do as you wish.  But be prepared to be able to face the music if she confronts you.  You could cut your losses and invite her and spend the $; but don’t invite her plus one, of course unless she’s married or engaged.  That may deter her from coming.  If she calls you on not inviting plus 1, then you can give the ‘money is tight’ and ‘we are in a recession’ monologue.

Please do get back because I am subscripted to this post and want to know how it all worked out.  Thank you and best wishes.

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