(Closed) Save the date RSVP?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Don’t do it. Some people will RSVP yes and later change it to no and vice versa. I would ask people if they think they are coming as you see them (and know that you can’t hold them to their answer because situations change).


Post # 4
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

When we gathered our addresses about 6 people didn’t bother to respond at all even though we knew they saw the message. We also got an idea by their level of excitement, their response to giving us their mailing addresses. I wouldn’t ask people to RSVP a year in advance. Get your parents to test the waters and see what family are likely to do. 

Post # 5
11271 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@amy3bryan:  your wedding is a year away.  do not ask for an rsvp at this point.  rsvps should be sent with the formal invite and requested usually 2-3 weeks prior to event.

expect approximately 10-15% decline from your guests.  more if guests are a flight away.

Post # 6
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I wouldn’t bother–a LOT can change in a year! I’d have your Mom plan for everyone invited to attend, and then gradually decrease numbers after the invites go out and declines start coming in!

Post # 7
7271 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I wouldn’t do it. Unless I was on the wedding it it was a sibling there is no way I would know if I was going to be coming at this point. I actually still have two invites for weddings on December that we haven’t even decided on yet. You will probably not get a lot of responses if you send out RSVPs with your Save-The-Date Cards.

Post # 8
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m in a similar situation. My fiance and I are for people who know they are definitely coming (sending them to the website to rsvp though). You won’t be sending the save the dates out a year in advanced (I would think), so people who definitely will be there can go ahead. You can always get a final count later.

Post # 9
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@amy3bryan:  Its best to let the mothers (or fathers or whomever is kind of the head of that part of the family) kind of ask their respective relatives in casual conversation to get an idea. For instance its all of my family thats coming from out of town, so my mom asked her siblings while on the phone during their normal conversation “oh did you get the STD oh do you think youll make it I would love to see you” and my dad did the same. My aunt kind of runs my dads family so I was actually able to call her and ask what she had her through the grapevine as well. 

Post # 10
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@amy3bryan:  we did an RSVP…  sent out in sept, our destination wedding is in may.  did this bc our reception venue can only hold 100 guests, so needed a soft count of how many people would consider coming.  did not send blank stamped response envelopes with it…  signed up with splashthat.com to create rsvp response site.  worked great. 

we know decisions could change by the time wedding gets closer, but at least we know the # of guests we are looking at (we told them we would be contacting them in march to get confirmation of their answer).  so, we have a max # guest list and min # guest list.

Post # 11
2433 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I wouldn’t bother sending RSVPs. A year out, most people don’t know what they’re going to be doing. 

My best friend is getting married next year, but I’ll also be starting a brand new job just a month or so before. I’m assuming I’ll still be able to go, but I may not be able to be at rehearsal, depending on my vacation time. So I would be annoyed if someone wanted an RSVP a year in advance, because I have no idea what my demands of my new job will be yet, amount of time I’ll have free to travel, etc.

Post # 12
10291 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

No, it’s inappropriate to ask for the RSVP that soon.   A STD is not an invitation.

Post # 14
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@amy3bryan:  I’m in the same boat.  I live in FL, but my entire family and many close friends live in Missouri.  I have no idea how many of them are going to be able to make the trip. 

Here’s what I’m doing. 

I put my mom in charge of getting a feel for the family invites, and I have a pretty good idea of who is going to come.  I have mentioned it to all of my friends that are not part of the wedding party to at least get the word out.  I’m sending out save the dates in January. 


As much as I hate to admit it, I have sooo many Out of Town invites I am running an A and B list so I can invite others in their place if they are unable to travel.  That’s a story for another thread lol.



Post # 16
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Keep the rehearsal dinner to the bridal party and immediate family. If you check out the etiquette gurus (Emily Post), you’re not required to invite every out of town guest- that will keep it much simpler. Out of Town guests could be coming in the day of the wedding, for example- too much to coordinate. You could always do a day after brunch at the hotel, if you want to do something else for them, which could be pulled together after you get the rsvps.

As far as room blocks- the 10% regrets is a good gauge. Most hotels will let you reserve a block and adjust closer to the date if needed.

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