(Closed) Save the date RSVP

posted 6 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
131 posts
Blushing bee

I think it is a good idea, it will give you an estimate on who is coming or not

Post # 4
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Hmmm… I think you can, but it kind of makes the Save the Date an invitation and you are asking people to make a decision way earlier than usual.

If your venue only holds 45 then you should really only invite 45 to start. As people decline you can send out invites to a “B” list.

So I’d say, send the Save-The-Date Cards to 45, send out A list invites early, then send out B list as regrets come in.

Post # 6
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

How many extra people do you plan on inviting?  I’m kinda on the fence on this one b/c if I got that STD I’d think you didn’t really want me there….but I also understand wanting to know how many can’t come.  Although I did worry some of the people who said they wouldn’t come changed their minds and did come.  We had a few…

Maybe someone on here has some good ideas about better wording.  Are you doing a hotel block?  Maybe you could mention that you need a rough idea of numbers so you can block the rooms? 

Post # 9
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Oh ok…my coffee hasn’t kicked in yet….so only 12 people additional for 57 people total?  And you think that around 21 might not go?

I agree with the other poster that it sounds like an invite instead of a STD.  We invited over 90 people to our Destination Wedding….we knew they all wouldn’t come but we picked a place where all those people would fit.  In the end, 27 people came.  We invited DH’s 2 aunts and his cousins….around 15 people.  His 2 aunts came alone w/o their SO’s b/c they couldn’t afford it. 

Are you doing a wedding website?  We did and most of our “yes” guests rsvped on the website before the invite even went out. 

We knew someone else who did a website but not an online rsvp….their wedding was 8,000 miles away and we told them we couldn’t go when they asked for our address.  I sent the rsvp out late (we’re overseas and we got the invite 3 weeks before the wedding and I had to rsvp by the next day) and the groom was asking us again to send it in b/c the bride was freaking out that we might come.  Darling Husband told him he should have done the online rsvp.  I really think it puts your mind at ease.

Post # 11
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

We created one with shutterfly since we are overseas and our families were always begging us for travel pics.  Darling Husband created a tab on one of the pages and inserted the weddingwire rsvp page into that…mainly b/c I wanted a site to be able to use after the wedding. 

We’ve changed the p/w since the wedding….lots of people didn’t rsvp and we didn’t want them being able to “follow” us if they didn’t care about even rsvp’ing.  It’s now our “official” site and we use it all the time and our families still follow us and post stuff on there. 

That’s what DH’s friend did too b/c he wanted to use a p/w protected photo sharing site….they had all the venue, hotel, etc. info on it with their registries like us but they didn’t do the online rsvp thing which I think would have eased their mind a little.

Post # 12
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If your wedding is in 2013, a LOT can change between now and then (with both people you think would attend and the people you think might not attend).  I don’t think you’ll get any official responses from people until several months from now because they won’t know what airfare prices will be, what life changes may happen, or if they’ll have time off from work, just to name a few things.  And if you’re sending out save the dates this far in advance, that gives people more time to budget and plan on attending, so some families may just surprise you.

If space is an issue, your best bet is to either get a bigger venue to hold everyone you want to invite or only invite what your current venue can hold, then send out more invitations as people RSVP no.  


Post # 13
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I am in a related situation, my parents want me to invite alot of elder relatives who are expected not to attend our destination wedding… it seems wrong to me that they would be the ones getting the Save The Dates when a lot of our other friends who would more likely try to make it could really benefit from that advanced notice as opposed to just getting B-list invites a month in advance!

I think I’m going to risk it and go ahead and send save the dates to about 10% over our decided count so more people who might come can have the chance to plan. Hopefully I’ll even hear earlier through my parents when elder relatives mention they are definitely planning on declining because I don’t think they’ll know how to use our wedding website

Post # 14
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

It is a HORRIBLE idea to invite more people than you have space for. I would recommend choosing a new venue, or cutting your guest list down. 

It is perfectly ok to send wedding announcements to those you know wont want to come, but inviting more people than you can hold is a recipe for disaster. 

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