(Closed) Save the Date vs Invitation?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
4134 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

It sounds like he’s made up his mind without considering you or anyone else, actually. Just send the e-mail save the dates and don’t worry about what he thinks, then send the invitations within a reasonable time period. It’s impossible for people to commit 6 months + out. Have you spoken to his mother about this?

Post # 4
3631 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Unless you are having a destination wedding, I don’t really get save the dates either. Email people who will have to travel to let them know when they need to book plane tickets for but there is no need for everyone to get them and no need to spend money on them. 

Post # 5
6835 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I think all your logic makes 100% sense.  Since you have reason on your side and he just has grumpiness, it seems reasonable that your approach should be the way to go.

All this stuff doesn’t have to be expensive, btw.  We ordered 100 save the date postcards from OvernightPrints.com for $35, and postage to send out 80 cost $28 = $63 total.  For invitations, you can email super classy ones from PaperlessPost.com for free or like $25 for custom add-ons.

ETA: In our case (wedding at the end of the summer), save the dates made a LOT of sense.  Everyone books up their summer plans and time off in the spring, and we wanted to make sure that everyone knew our plans.  Sure, you could email a note and achieve the same purpose – but for only $60, it’s fun to send out cute postcards.

Post # 6
4173 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Save the Dates are a fairly new, and I feel, kind of unecessary thing too….unless it’s a destination wedding, just invite people with a little extra time for them to decide if they can go or not….since, giving them six months is nice, but who knows what the next 6 months will bring??  It’s a timing issue, but it doesn’t have to be a problem.

Post # 8
1974 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 1998

I’m from Australia so maybe it’s different but we only have save the date for destination weddings.

Sending invitations out 6 months early is way too early. I think 3 months is ok. 

I find that I always know when the weddings are anyway before I receive an invite.

Post # 9
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Our wedding is prime holiday season so the save the dates will give people a heads up (hopefully) before they book their vacation. We’re already too late for one couple who have organised a meet up in another country, but hopefully will be in time for most others. We should have sent them at Christmas but life interfered…

Post # 10
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

People who care about you are going to ask if you’ve set a date anyway after hearing about the engagement, so I see no difference in you e-messaging them or mailing them a physical card.  Fewer than 20 hours had the engagement ring been on my finger when even my boss asked me if we had set a date!

We weren’t planning on doing Save-The-Dates for the same reasons your Fiance has, but when we decided to have a destination wedding in a popular summer locale, we realized it might be a courtesy to give our 80 guests a heads-up.  Thankfully our website was finalized showing at least a list of accommodations and attractions by the time we sent out the STDs, 6.5 months before the wedding.  Invitations will go out later, or 3 months ahead of time.

What I loved about ours is that we were able to work with our local stationer who in turn ordered from a local printer using 100% PCW cardstock.

Post # 11
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’m from NY, Fiance is from NC and we’re getting married in MD – a destination wedding and I didn’t even realize it until I started gathering addresses. So I got some cheap STDs from Vistaprint. Our wedding is right after Christmas so we’re already getting snark about the date. I figure if we give people 8 months notice, that’s enough time to work out whether you’re attending…

Post # 12
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I can see both of your points, but I really don’t get the hype of save the dates (and the acronym is terrible). UNLESS it’s a destination wedding I don’t really see the point of sending them at all.

Post # 13
7384 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

It really depends on a few factors. We chose to do save the dates because we have a LOT of out of town guests (85% of our guest list), and we felt that giving them a pretty card with the date and our wedding website would be a great idea (especially since the wedding is on a Friday). Plus, they were really cute. It’s cut down on random questions (not totally, but we just get a few here and there), too.

We had a friend whose now husband vetoed save the dates (and they didn’t have a wedding website). No one had any idea whether or not they were invited, where the wedding was, etc. until a month before the wedding when we got our invitation. And, of course, you can’t ask if you’re invited, so we were in this weird limbo–even another good friend, who was one of the GMs, had no details on the wedding to share, except that it was in a nearby city. That was really frustrating.


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