(Closed) Save the dates

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1698 posts
Bumble bee

@jenjen96:  Consider not “sending out Save-the-dates” at all.

Save-the-Date cards are often the first chance a bride has to see her name and her intended’s name written up together in something polished and official-looking. We ladies lo-o-o-ve our stationery. But we can be beguiled by stationery into overestimating our capacity. I wish I had ten dollars for every time a bride has bemoaned sending save-the-date advertising to folk that in sober retrospect she either cannot afford to host, or prefers not to host: I would invest the money in more Apple shares. And that’s without considering the etiquette factor in save-the-date cards.

If you have your heart set on sending them, then wait until you have firmly established your guest list. And the best way to be sure that it *is* firm, is to go about it the old-fashioned way: sit down with your contacts list, and merge it with your intended’s contact list, and with your mom’s and your future mother-in-law’s (and if necessary step-moms’); and then prioritize an overall list of who needs to come and who need not; and then consider your budget and your plans and your probable venue limitations, and then send Save-the-date cards ONLY to the guests who are 100% certainly going to be included in your guest-list.

But your wiser and more gracious choice is to write individual letters (and while these “should” be hand-written, I will give you a note of permission to print them on nice paper on your computer printer, or even email them as long as they are sincere and individual) to the dear guests whom you “absolutely must” have, and let the rest of your guests decide later when they get the actual invitation.

Post # 4
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I say 6-10 months depending on your families. We did 10 months and everyone is combining. It with there summer vacation. Almost everyone already has flights and hotels booked. This gave people the chance to save money up and save with great seat sales.

Post # 5
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

it’s nice to give your out of town guests as much notice as possible, especially if they re flying, taking time off from work, etc. I’d say you can send them as soon as you finalize the guest list.

Post # 6
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

They say no later than six months before the wedding. We’re going with nine months, since so many guests are out-of-state.

Post # 7
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Since it seems most of the family will be coming from out of town, 6 months is usually a good idea. You can get a vistaprint groupon- $17 for $70 (keep checking the boards- bees will post when there’s a special), so it’s not that much money.

Do yourself a favor and only send to guests you know you won’t change your mind about. 

Post # 8
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We are having a July wedding and sending them out the week before Thanksgiving, about 8 months ahead of time. Our thinking on this is that we want to know who is coming to plan how many extras we can invite. We want the save the dates to be fresh in people’s minds when we see them over the holidays and that will give us a sense of who can come and who cannot. Then we can figure out how many guest we can extend a +1 to.

In general, I say 8-10 months is idea, 6-8 months is fine, you shouldn’t bother if it is less than 6 months.

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