(Closed) Save the dates or just invites?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

If you send out invites now you will have a mammoth task following up rsvps. People will forget. Sending out Save-The-Date Cards will allow the organised people and out of towners plan for your wedding. Sending out invites after Save-The-Date Cards will remind everyone else to get their shit together. allowing people a shorter window to RSVP (a few weeks) makes it MUCH easier to keep track of and is also more convenient for the guest. I have NO idea what my plans are for next week, let alone next year!. Save-The-Date Cards are not always necessary but do not send the invites early if you choose not to use Save-The-Date Cards. 

Post # 4
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think stds are necessary… Unless you are going to communicate the date another way. I’ve missed plenty of weddings bc they didn’t send stds and I already ew as committed to tether things.

Post # 5
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Half our guests (DH’s family) were either 4 hours away or 8 hours away. We did not send Save-The-Date Cards, just invitations.  Darling Husband talks to his family often enough that they knew when the wedding was anyway.

I honestly haven’t known anyone to send Save-The-Date Cards, it seems unheard of where I live.

Post # 6
3265 posts
Sugar bee

STD’s are a huge waste of time and money, IMO.  I wouldn’t be inviting anyone that isn’t in frequent contact with either my or my hubs’ family.

Not sending STD’s does not mean that people will not be planning to your wedding.  Everyone knew when our wedding was, because we told them.  Either in an email, phone converstaion or in person.

That being said, it is not polite to invite people too early. You really shouldn’t send invites before 8 weeks before the event.

So spread the word (however you like) and invite on a regular schedule.


Post # 7
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Were doing Save-The-Date Cards because we are bad at getting ahold of people. We were at FIs dads for thanksgiving and I realized he didn’t even know the date and its 8 months away. People don’t always remember dates when you just tell them and may plan other things as well. 

Post # 8
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You could do an email STD. That’s less formal/free! Don’t send invitations as early as January of February, but maybe a few weeks earlier than you would have otherwise to account for guests who have to make travel arrangements.

Post # 9
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I didn’t do a STD, but I did call up everyone 6 months before to let them know that a) I was getting married, b) they were invited and c) the date of the wedding. A heads up is very important!

Like others, I wouldn’t recommed sending the invites early. People will lose them and will forget to rsvp.

Post # 11
1227 posts
Bumble bee

We have a few guests from away, and I have or will be contacting them personally to advise them of the wedding date and let them know I’d love to see them.

I mentioned STD to my Fiance and he balked. It seems to me that these are another creation by the wedding industry to part you from your money.  Everyone is so convinced they need to do them, yet 20 years ago, no one did them. I can see it for a destimation wedding at a resort, where people need to book a vacation package and often there are special rates for people attending the wedding, but beyond that, I really don’t see the point.

If I were you, I’d make a point of sending those people Christmas cards, and making a mention of the upcoming wedding date and that an invitation will be forthcoming.

Post # 12
2359 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Lyndzo:  same here.  It would have been a complete waste of money for us.  Our family all talks enough, they all knew the date.   And really, i think sending out the actual invite 2-3 months ahead of time, is plenty of time for out of towners to make the arrangements. 

90% of our guests were from out of town, and we didn’t send Save-The-Date Cards, and i’m glad we didn’t have to

Post # 13
3763 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think it’s a nice thing to do, especially for out of town guests. We keep the ones we get on the fridge. It’s a nice reminder that we already have a committment that weekend and when I see it I think “oh, I still need to make a hotel reservation for that!”. You don’t have to be elaborate… you can easily get personalized post cards on walmart.com or vistaprint.com that are very inexpensive. Right now on vistaprint you can get 100 photo personalized post cards (like upload your own photo and write a note on the back) for $20. Then you would also need post card stamps but still, there is a way to do it economically. 🙂 We got a groupon from vistaprint and got a ridiculous deal (all of them for like $10 or something). Good luck!

Edit: I will also say that I’m glad we did them because we had 2 people tell me I had spelled their last names wrong (oops), and a couple were sent back due to wrong addresses. I was glad we figured out all of these things before sending out the actual invitations. It was a good “trial run”.

Post # 14
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

We did save the dates back in September. At least 85% of our guests are from out of town and will need to arrange somewhere to stay, take time off, etc. (especially because it’s a Friday wedding). I thought it would be better than having to answer the “When’s your wedding?” question a million times, although Fiance and I STILL get asked a bunch…by the same damn people.

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