(Closed) Save the dates out…changed our mind about the size and date

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Oh my.  I’ve never heard of such a thing.  I would just write something – a letter or another type of announcement.. saying something along the lines

“We regretfully inform you that the wedding you received a Save the Date for on July X, 2013, has been cancelled and rescheduled for a different time.  We are very sorry for any inconvenience or confusion this may cost.  We appreciate your understanding during this very special time in our lives.”

I wouldn’t tell them that you’ve moved the date up and decided to have an intimate wedding instead.  I would then follow it up with a call apologizing to all 100 people you’re uninviting and explain the situation. 

Post # 4
1292 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Eeek! That’s difficult but it’s happened. It happened to my brother (his now wife insisted on sending out save the dates before they had finalized) …They went from inviting 100+ to not being able to have more than 20!! TBH I’m not even sure what he did about it but I know my mom was SUPER PISSED at him because the Save-The-Date Cards were sent to her entire family, who were now uninvited. I think my mom just quietly told everyone the situation.

I agree with the PP on the wording and sending out an announcement. Or, you can personally contact them and explain the situation. Beware, you will probably have some hurt feelings.

Good luck!

Post # 6
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I would send a letter like PP suggested and I would put some chocolate in the envelope too. They can’t be upset if you give them chocolate 🙂

Post # 8
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@TiffyDiff:  Wait, if you’re doing a BBQ, then all you did was send a Save the Date – it doesn’t or shouldn’t have any information about what exactly they should expect.  I actually don’t think you need to send any sort of announcement or call anyone at this point in time at all!  It’s just a save the date!  I would just update your wedding website to clarify that your actual, formal ceremony and reception will be a small, intimate gathering to be held in December with an informal reception to follow in July.  I don’t think that’s a problem at all.  And don’t take down your registry info – if you clarify it that way, people might still want to get you gifts for either of the occassions, and there’s nothing wrong with that!

Post # 9
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

See the response #22 by aspasia475 (a.k.a. the Weddingbee Etiquette Guru) on this thread: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/save-the-dates-sent-out-now-realized-we-cant-invite-all-of-them

It seems you’re already on your way to option #3 (quoted below) – you’ve picked a new date! 

  • Send out a printed notice to everyone who received a “save-the-date” card, stating that “the previously announced marriage of Miss Kissa to Mr Intended will not take place.” Then start again with a new date…

You should notify people promptly – waiting and sending a wedding announcement to people who you have told will be invited after you’ve gotten married is a bit insulting, it also is that much longer for people to start buying airline tickets, booking hotel rooms and requesting time off.

Post # 10
1415 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@futuremrsk18:  I think this wording is just right. 

Post # 11
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

That is a tricky situation since a STD should equal an invite. But I think you absolutely shouldn’t wait till December to let these people know – they may have booked a hotel or flight by then! And just because they were willing to book a flight and hotel and take vacation time for your wedding doesn’t mean they’ll do the same for an informal bbq party 7 months later.

This happened to my cousin and his wife, and they sent a very apologetic letter to everyone explaining the situation. I wish I could share their wording, but we are quite close so I was still invited. And I know PPs have felt this was a bad idea, but they actually did explain that they were moving up the date and having a more intimate wedding, but like I said, they did so in a way that was tactful and very apologetic (although it was a bit easier for them since they had to due it due to serious health issues that also caused a huge financial setback, they didn’t just change their mind – yours is strictly because you don’t want all those people there to see you be married, and honestly there’s no real polite way to say that)

It does make it a bit better that you’re still planning on having a celebration for when they got the STD (although honestly I don’t really get the point – if you’re still going to all the work of throwing a party that day, why not just have the wedding then?), but I would still send out a letter explaining that while the ceremony will be taking place with immediate family at a sooner date but you’d love to celebrate with them on the date they received the STD for.

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