(Closed) Save the Dates sent out, now realized we can't invite all of them :(

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
13014 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes, incredibly rude and offensive.  I’m sorry, but once you send someone a Save the Date, you almost have to invite them to the wedding…

Post # 4
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Eeeeek! I think it would be VERY rude…. But if there is no other way then what can you do about it?

 I would personally call each person that can not come anymore and offer an apology and let them know why you are doing this.

Post # 5
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

When you send a save the date, they start making sure they request time off work, arrange for babysitters, decline other plans, etc.  If you were sent one and then it was later rescinded, I’m sure you’d be pretty upset, so you can imagine how they’ll feel.

Post # 6
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Since it’s 8 months until your wedding is there any way you could save that money to invite all the people you sent Save the Dates to?

Post # 7
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee

It is really ruse, but if budget is why you can’t invite them, can y9ou move the wedding to somewhere cheaper?

Post # 8
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Typically I say you cannot do this. However, given your situation it seems you have no choice. I would personally call everyone and explain the situation and apologize.  

Post # 9
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

If you can no longer afford a full dinner reception for 50 people you should just have a dessert reception or hor dourves or brunch and stlll have all 50 people there.  Do it in a family or friends backyard and have them help you with the cooking.  By sending out save the dates you already invited these 50 people to the wedding and uninviting them would be super rude.

Post # 11
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Also, if you invite all 50 people, you might only get 35 or 40 going when it’s all said and done.  Just a thought!

Post # 12
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

As an wedding invitee, I would be less offended going to a scaled down punch and cake reception than being uninvited. There are a lot of ways to cut wedding costs to include those 30 guests. And like futuremrsmp stated, it’s very rare to get 100% acceptance rates.

Post # 13
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

i agree that its a major no-no to send Save-The-Date Cards to people you don’t invite BUT in THIS PARTICULAR CASE i say that if these people are close friends and family who are familiar with your financial situation and they love and cherish you, it might be ok. i think it would be much worse at least if you sent Save-The-Date Cards to 300 people and then didnt invite 50 of them…

i hope you can find the $$ and invite everyone. but one better option if you can’t is to cancel the bigger wedding and tell EVERYONE and then plans omething new that is smaller and on a different date?

Post # 14
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Could you have 20 people at your wedding and then have a BBQ or something on the date thats on the STD? That way they are still celebrating a marriage, but in a much less expensive and informal way.

Post # 16
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

It’s extrememly rude to not invite someone once they’ve been sent a save-the-date ๐Ÿ™ 

Maybe you could cut costs elsewhere- maybe have a brunch or lunch reception earlier in the day?  We did a lunch reception and it cut our catering bill almost in HALF! 

Skip favors- they aren’t necessary at all.

Have a limited bar- maybe just mimosas, bloody marys, and chapmagne if you do a brunch, or beer & wine if you do a lunch.

 

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