(Closed) Saved the Date but Not Invited?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I get so peeved when I hear stories about brides doing this. The least you can do is EXPLAIN to people why you can’t invite them (even though, in my book, unless there’s a damn good reason, you should invite them anyways), and let them know that they can, indeed, stop saving the date. Ugh!

Post # 4
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Ick — I think that’s in such poor taste.  I why people send out STDS or invite people to showers if they aren’t inviting them to the wedding.  

Post # 5
Member
997 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - The Pierre Hotel

Gee, that stinks.  Sometimes things get lost in the mail, but it’s a little rarer espeically since (I assume) they sent out their invitations all in one bunch.  I’m guessing you can "un-save" the date – but totally hear you on this; I’d be peeved too!

Post # 6
Member
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - The Mountain Terrace, Woodside, CA

Yeah, that’s pretty rude if they didn’t send you an invite on purpose, after sending you a STD. I’ve actually gone back and forth about inviting some of my co-workers that I’m not close with, and am opting to not send them a STD, and just make the decision closer to the wedding when the real invites go out.

You said some of your friends got their invites already. Could you maybe recruit one of them to hint at the bride? Maybe mention to the bride in passing something along the lines of, "I’m really looking forward to your wedding, it will be so fun to celebrate with you guys, other friend A, latenitesnackin and other friend B." That way the bride will either let your friend know you aren’t invited, or maybe it will trigger her memory that she needs to send you an invite? Or maybe if she doesn’t say anything, you invite could have been lost in the mail, there’s a thread going today about invites getting lost by the USPS.

Post # 7
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’ve never heard of anything so ridiculous!

Post # 8
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

i think it’s best not to make assumptions and go straight to the source. since you received a STD, i think it’s safe to call and ask about the invitation. it may be awkward (to them if they changed their mind), but at least you can confront them with it and hear their side. maybe it really did get lost in the mail. i once received an invitation in my mailbox for someone who didn’t even live on my street! i just left it with the mail person. who knows, if it were someone else, they may have just thrown it in the trash.

Post # 9
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Yes, I think you should ask directly. Its possible that the invite got lost in the mail (TWO of ours did, both for Groomsmen, so at least they both knew they were invited!). Two outcomes are possible:

a) The invite really did get lost in the mail, and bride tells you with relief that yes, OF COURSE you are invited!

b) They really DID send you a save the date and then didn’t invite you. Your calling them puts them in the well-deserved akward position of having to explain to you that they did ask you to save a date in YOUR life for their wedding, then decided to not invite you after all.

Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
2681 posts
Sugar bee

I also think you should ask.  I am ashamed to admit I overlooked one couple that I did send a STD to and not an invitation.  It was not intentional at all, it was just an oversight on my part and too many different lists.  We didnt realize the mistake until a couple days before the wedding when they said something to my grandma but by then it was too late.  I really think you should ask the bride just in case you were the unfortunate oversight on the list.  Just call or text her saying you just wanted to check because you got a STD but not an invitation.  You understand (whether you do or not ha) if they had to cut lists but wanted to make sure because you would hate for her to think of you as someone who didnt RSVP it if just got lost in the mail or forgot to get sent out.

Post # 11
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

ASK!  I found out that THREE of our 72 invitations didn’t make it to their destinations. One couple we figured out (FMIL’s friends had moved, but we didn’t find out until after we sent the invite), one couple asked us, and one we followed up with (a bridesmaid who just assumed we knew she was coming!)  They were all due to the fact that the people had moved and the invite didn’t forward, but it is entirely possible that your invitation is floating somewhere in the US postal system.  If not, then it’s not a bad thing that the bride and groom have to face one of the people they were rude to.

Post # 12
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Same thing happened to me and it wasn’t lost in the mail- I was just uninvited! Granted I was the only "girl" friend of my friends who was invited/got a STD for my guy friends recent wedding, and yes we didn’t takl as much in the past few years but we’ve been friends for years and I was absolutely going to invite him to my wedding. Anyway to make a long story short we just never got the invite. He definitely would have contacted me if I never RSVPd or anything. It’s definitely rude, and definitely deserves at least an explanation which I never got. I understand but would have been less miffed if they admitted it to me or apologized and explained, etc. I would have been even more upset if I’d booked my airfare home for it, which I ALMOST did but decided I wasn’t sure if I’d go or not …thank god I waited! 

Post # 13
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009 - Red Fish Grill

To give the couple the benefit of the doubt (just because I know that a couple of my invites didn’t make it to their destinations the first time around)… I think you should give the bride a call.  Hopefully you’ll find that it was a case of postal error and not something worse.

Post # 14
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

that is awful!  I say if your going to send out Save the dates to only send to the people you know are "For sure" invited… like best friends and family.  Then just word of mouth for other friends etc….  

Maybe it got lost in the mail… I would simply call her and say "hey, i got the save the date, but never got my invite.. what happened?"

Hopefully its just a mistake… 

Post # 15
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m with mskalinin!

Post # 16
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

yeah, you need to ask. That’s insane. I’ve never heard of anything like this!

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