(Closed) Saving a depressed friend

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m sorry you are going through this and are worried about your friend. She sounds like she is really isolating herself.

Do you know any members of her family well? If you really are worried about her I would suggest talking to her family and see if they have any insight. They might also be very concerned about your friend too. I know you say that you are worried she wouldn’t be your friend anymore but at least she would get the help that she needs.

I wish I had more thoughts on how to help, maybe there are some online support groups that could give you a better ideas.

Post # 4
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with FallBzz. I also agree that you have to ask yourself, is her friendship or her safety more important to you. I know she said it would end your friendship, but she needs help. If she did end up hurting herself, and you knew you could of helped her and didn’t because you didn’t want to loose her as a friend, that would probably make you feel horrible.

And who knows if she does get help because you intervened, maybe when she is feeling better about herself she will be your friend again, and be happy you helped her. Of course a depressed person is not going to see that or be happy about it.

Just giving you my 2 cents on the situation, because I use to be depressed too, and got help, and am doing 100% better now. I am not on medication, but I went to counseling for a vry long time, it really does help.

Post # 5
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Call her parents.

Yes, it will probably end what “friendship” you have with her right now, but someday she will see that you were acting as a true friend. The right decisions aren’t always the easiest unfortunately. She is lucky to have someone like you in her life, who cares.

Post # 6
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

You should definitely talk to her family! It is a tough situation, but if she can get the help she deserves it will be more than worth it in the long run. I lost a cousin to depression two years ago. He didn’t seem outwardly depressed all the time, but he eventually determined that his life wasn’t worth it. I constantly asked myself if there was anything I could have done to change the outcome…

Post # 7
Member
2561 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Call her parents. She doesn’t seem too interested in maintaining friendships at this point anyways, due to her isolation. Also, how will you feel if she hurts herself and you didn’t reach our on her behalf.

Post # 8
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Depression is a fatal disease. If she had cancer and she wasn’t getting treatment, would you not contact her family to let them know about it? Call her family, call any of her friends (even if she isn’t in touch with them anymore) and find out what the local mental health services in her area are. And if you are really worried about her immediate safety, you can have her put in the hospital on a 72 hour hold. She may not be happy with you, but she would be alive.

The other thing you can do is call and keep calling. Call even when she doesn’t answer, just leave a message.  Call and just tell her about your day or life or something you saw in TV even if she isn’t that responsive.

I went through several years where I was so depressed I couldn’t work (eat or even bathe). I luckily had my parents around who made sure I didn’t starve to death. I lost touch with all my friends who figured I didn’t want to be friends anymore since I stopped returning phone calls. I had one friend who didn’t give up on me. She called and kept calling. Most of the time she prattled on about her life or TV or… I’m not sure if I really responded back. But she kept calling.

BTW- when you do talk to her, mention depression to her in gentle ways. “You sound like you are unhappy, do you think it might be depression?” ; “I had a friend that felt similar to you. Then she (talked to someone, took meds, etc) and she felt 1000 times better.” It make awhile but eventually she *may* come to see that she doesn’t have to feel so bad all the time. 

Post # 9
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree with all the previous posters, but also want to add maybe bringing up good times from the past while talking to her. Maybe that will help pull her out, and realize she does have a reason to live.

Post # 10
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

You can’t pull someone out of depression, especially if it’s as bad as OP hinted at. You can remind her that you care and that she doesn’t have to feel this way. But remember when you are depressed, you mind changes they way you perceive things. For instance, when they say the world becomes ‘gray’ when you are depressed, it actually does become gray. The visual region in your brain process colors differently.

Post # 12
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

See if there are any local services in her area that might be able to check in on her or help.  Some places to try would be adult protective services.  They would be able to give you a place to start of some of the services and options you have legally.  Would she be willing to see a counselor or other help?  This will not be a short process.  In any case, you may loose a friend but save a life.  

Post # 13
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I don’t know where you’re from, but a lot of places have a mental health law that allows the police to bring people in to be admitted to a psychiatric ward if they’re a danger to themselves. Her parents might also be able to bring her in to the hospital. It’s not the best solution, but it’s better than her committing suicide.

Post # 15
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@achol:

Hi – it certainly seems scary, the place your friend is in. I’ve had friends that depressed, who also refused to allow me in. I had to learn to trust that they would get through, and get the help they needed, however they found it. It’s really hard! It does sound hopeful to me, if dire; your friend has said she’s getting help, and one can hope that she’s speaking with a competent, ethical therapist who would know what to do if your friend cannot stay safe.

I wish you and your friend the best.

Post # 16
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@achol: Thanks for following up with us.

I’m glad she is getting help. And you have to trust that she is indeed getting help. On that front there is nothing more you can do. I would, however, keep letting her know you still care. That might be a VM just to say hi, or an email link to an article that she might be interested in. Just make sure she doesn’t feel like the only reason you are contacting her is “Checking in to see if you are okay”. Also, let her know in your message, it’s okay if she doesn’t contact you back. Sometimes it’s just exhausting checking your VM or checking email that actually calling or emailing  people back is just overwhelming.

I just liked it when my friend called and told me about what was going on in her life or we talked about a TV show we both watched.

The topic ‘Saving a depressed friend’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors