Post # 1
Any bees who know me will know I’m a highly strung Waiting Bee – I struggle with anxiety and am guilty of projecting it. Anyway, I’m actively working on that and one of the ways I though of was by giving myself small manageable goals to meet and one goal I thought of was saving for my wedding.
I am not even engaged yet so this might seem odd but I figure I can use the money for anything if it doesn’t work out – when are savings not good?
I worked out how much I’d need to save a month to meet this goal and once my employment is sorted (I’m moving jobs and career) I plan to start implimenting this. However, I don’t want to pressure my SO into anything and feel like if I tell him that’s why I’m saving he’ll feel pressurised so I told him I’m saving but not what for.
Just wanted to know what you other Bees thought about this – He understands about my anxiety but doesn’t understand why wedding thought helps reduce it (it’s because it gives me a sense of security).
Do you think this is okay? Or should I tell him even if it’s a sort of half real/half fake reason for saving for another purpose?
Post # 3
Don’t see anything wrong with saving for your wedding. It’s always good to have extra money laying around and when your wedding does happen, you’d have done half the work (if not all) already!
Even if he doesn’t end up marrying you, this could still be your wedding fund (just with another guy). You could get the dress YOU want, decorations you want without have to compromise as much due to budgetary reasons.
Post # 4
I would just say that it is savings. It’s good to be saving for other things anyway like emergencies. I really go by Mr Bee’s plan that you make sure you are on the same page and then leave it alone. It worked for us.
Post # 5
@Scottish_lassie:I went through the same thing…moved and changed jobs while “waiting!” We had already lived together for 18 months when we moved and once I got my new job I could really start saving. Maybe it’s because I somehow anticipated we would get engaged soon…but I felt completely comfortable telling my then boyfriend that I felt my new job was going to allow us to put enough in savings to seriously thing about marriage. We were engaged relatively soon after that!
Maybe you could potentially drop a hint that you’re going to start saving a certain amount and mention that you’re hoping it could one day help pay for your wedding…without going into all the detail that you calculated exactly what it’s going to take.
Post # 6
@blueroses: Hmm, see I’m trying not to mention the ‘M’ or ‘E’ words because I am very concious about not pressurising him – his ex did that and although he was planning to propose to her I just don’t want to do the same (I want to KNOW without question that he asked because he really wants it, not because I nagged). Also, he knows I have some inheritance I’ve kept for nearly 4 years now since my grandmother died – it was meant to be for a house but as time passed it’s became a sort of wedding fund (not that it’s a lot or has gone up at all but I like the idea of my Grandmother helping because I know she would approve) so I already have another fund lol this’d be a new one that gets added to (once I pay off my student loan – which I hope is really soon)
Post # 7
Thanks for the support guys, I really appreciate it 🙂 It’s good to know it’s not just me
Post # 8
Nothing wrong with saving for a wedding even if your not engaged, I’ve been doing the same thing for over a year, and I’m still waiting for my sparkle.
I opened a savings account, and on every paycheck I automatically have the bank withdraw funds from my everyday account and put it in my savings. I do the same with SO’s account. We still have seperate accounts but he coontributes on every pay check too.
It’s unbelieveably how quick it adds up to!! I was taking a look at it the other day while I was paying bills online etc. and it had surpassed what I thought it would be. We might even have enough money in savings for the wedding and honeymoon, on a strict budget though!!
You’ve got a great idea, nothing wrong with saving!!
Post # 9
I did this too, at first I was saving or a bedroom set, but then when I started building it up I couldn’t stop thinking of it as my wedding fund, even though I wasnt engaged yet. I kept saving and I just called it savings. I never told my Fiance how much I had in my savings until we were actually engaged, it was so nice to already have a nice chunk of change in the bank account 🙂
Post # 10
Just call it savings. People who aren’t even in relationships can have wedding funds, so it’s normal to save pre-engagement. However, given that the Boyfriend or Best Friend is a little touchy at the moment, I see nothing wrong with just calling it savings.
Post # 11
I started saving for the wedding long before we were engaged but he’s always been a saver, so I just said I was following his good example. If anyone asks, you could just say you’re trying to get into good habits as saving will be handy to support you in the future.
Post # 12
I started a savings account for our wedding a year into our relationship after we had our definitive “I’m going to marry you” talk. I didn’t tell him at first but eventually did after a few months. He was pleased I took the initiative. At this point we have about 80% of our proposed budget so starting to save during the waiting period is the best thing ever.
Here’s the thing, no one needs to know what you’re saving for and you should never feel ashamed for saving for anything. Just go and do it. Extra money never hurt anyone!
Post # 13
I talked to my Boyfriend or Best Friend about this last night, and he said that he thinks we should start a wedding fund after we get back from our trip this spring. So nope, having a wedding fund is not a crazy idea, if anything it’s a good one because no one wants to go into a marriage with unnessary debt.
Post # 14
@Scottish_lassie: saving for your wedding is an awesome idea regardless if you tell him or not! Girls have dreams bigger than the now and so if you don’t want to tell him to freak him out or what not, don’t! You might want some amazing things for YOUR dream wedding and even if its not him who you marry, you’ll still have that money for when THE ONE comes. ;]
DO IT! I love saving money for goals, although mine are usually closer, so I’m sure it feels great and if it helps your anxiety, go for it!
Post # 15
I agree. You can use it for anything. If telling yourself that you’re saving for your wedding motivates you to do it and keeps you from spending it, then there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t see why he has to know. When the time comes and he proposes, you can let him know then. 😉