Saving money for our wedding ends in a fight

posted 1 month ago in Logistics
Post # 18
Member
3271 posts
Sugar bee

I’m not going to trash him. For some people all the frippery associated with a wedding is…..frippery. Excess. Overkill. He clearly falls into that category. The party itself is unimportant to him and he’s allowed to feel that way. By the same token, so are you. The key here is compromise, and if that doesnt work, I don’t care how great you think the relationship is, it’s not. 

Post # 19
Member
2025 posts
Buzzing bee

nataliesawitch :  from what I gather, he’s not a cheap person, he just doesn’t prioritize a wedding—and to me, that is okay. I can understand not being thrilled about spending $6k over the original budget for a one-day event. If you care about it and he does not, then I think it absolutely *is* fair for you to be the main one paying for it…

Post # 20
Member
3988 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

What *does* matter to him? Great food? Open bar? A great suit? 

Maybe it would help to split the budget accordingly? Or come up with a base amount you’ll allocate to each category, and if someone wants more they can add. Like you agree to do 1k for flowers combined, but since you care more, you choose to add 500 of your own. 

Post # 21
Member
7888 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

nataliesawitch :  

For the angry hyena Bees that want to trash talk him, don’t bother I’m just looking for REAL advice not criticism.

You do realise this rude and aggressive stance is not helpful  don’t  you ? 

That said, I’m  kind of on his side anyway. Have him choose what he really cares about and work from there.  

Post # 22
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2019

My husband was sort of the same way as your fiancé. When we first started planning our wedding he was appalled at the cost involved, even for our small, family only wedding. I told him that it was important to me since we had people traveling for the wedding that the least we could do was make it nice for them and for us. In the end it made all the difference as I think everyone enjoyed it more. The one thing I would say to stand your ground on is getting a professional photographer because I think at the end of the day the pictures are very important. We did compromise with the company to send only one person instead of their usual 2 and no videography. 

Post # 23
Member
11450 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

“I think at this point I’ll give him A and B options with vendors. Once he starts realizing the nitty gritty maybe he’ll be more inclined to save up. Cross your fingers Bees. Haha”

Based on your experience with the ring, I kind of doubt it. On a past thread you mention that while he spends on himself for whatever he wants, and despite knowing that you wanted a certain type of ring within an originally set budget, he chose a far less expensive CZ stone in sterling silver because it just wasn’t worth it to him to pay more.

I see a pattern here which may point to some stingy and self serving qualities. It does not address my earlier question regarding what is reasonable to spend in your specific circumstances, though.

Post # 24
Member
10 posts
Newbee

sunburn :  dear lordddd this site! Soooo much negativity here

Post # 25
Member
3271 posts
Sugar bee

linaloves7 :  nothing I wrote was at all negative. I don’t know why you’re addressing this to me.

Post # 26
Member
297 posts
Helper bee

May be both of you can meet half way. Instead of paying 8.5 or 2K, you could pay aout 5.5 K for the wedding. Decide what are his priorities and what are your’s and then compromise. For example, may be get decorations from the Dollar store but then pay well for the phtographer. Or may be instead of splitting the expenses in half, you can split them 60-40 %. 

Both of you will have to compromise.

 

 

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