Post # 1
I clearly saw my FI’s eyes go up and down looking at this woman’s back view…Then, another girl who’s butt was basically hanging out of her shorts. What should I say to him?!
Also…2 years ago I caught him texting another girl calling her “babe” but luckily she lives in Ohio and he cut her off. Do you think he’s affraid of commitment? The wedding isn’t until we’re done w/ school (2 years). We’ve been having some trouble lately…lots of family problems.
Why do you think he did that right in front of me when he thought my head was turned the opposite way? Do you think he does it when I’m not around? I don’t know if I can trust him anymore…. I know it’s natural for people to look at others, but not like up and down. I felt like he seemed to be ashamed of what he did, or that embarresing “caught ya” moment? I need advice..I have no one to talk to about this. My mom tells me to go home every time I talk about these kind of issues with him… Thank you Bee
Post # 3
….I’m not going to be mean or snarky with you, but what your fiance did is totally normal and most people do it–it doesn’t mean anything, it’s a reflex. I’m not a lesbian but if some girl’s butt is hanging out of her shorts I might glance as well lol
Post # 4
Checking a girl out and texting a girl and calling her babe are two completely different things, to me atleast. It’s in mens nature to check girls out, we’d be crazy to think that they are goint to stop looking at women because they are getting married. I look at hot guys, my fiance looks at hot girls. Now, if he were to EVER make a next step after just ‘looking’ i’d cut his balls off.
We talked about the whole ‘checking out others’ thing and we’re both comfortable enough with eachother to know that its no biggie. thats just us though.
Post # 5
@SurferB: I think you said it best… He’s human… He looks. I don’t think that should make you not able to trust him, it sounds like you have issues still from that girl from the past. Did you ever get closure about that? You have to let it go and live in the present.
Post # 6
I think you have two completely different issues going on. If the phone thing had never happened, would you have still been jealous?
He’s going to check people out. I think it’s a completely normal reaction, especially if someone has their ass hanging out. Come on, you obviously noticed it too, right? Unless he is walking up and talking to them or taking pictures, I think you are overreacting.
Post # 7
I don’t think he is afraid of committment, I think you are insecure. Maybe you could talk to him and let him know how this particular behavior makes you feel? He might not realize he is doing it, and he probably doesn’t know how it affects you.
Post # 8
No, I feel anger towards him when I think about how he would even risk texting/email/talking to; another girl like that… I feel like I deserve better. I’ve never had this issue before him… I feel a deep lack of respect. It was right in front of me and he tried hiding it from me.
Post # 9
Although I can understand your frustrations, I can honestly say that SO checks people out when we’re together, but I can honestly say that I do the same…I think this may be stemming from that text that you saw and possibly some insecurities that you may have? Trust me, I have a lot of insecurities as well…I think you might need to take a breather and really figure out if this is all in your head or if the warning signs really do exist…good luck! 🙂
Post # 10
Well, he was checking out the other girl (who didn’t have her butt hanging out) for a longer time…which was uncomfortable for me.
He has had problems with commitment coming from his family background, which I won’t get into. Basically, he has told me many comments about not wanting to get engaged since 1 year into the relationship. He was engaged before, and he was cheated on. That was 6 years ago..
Post # 11
Is he oogliing to the point he might get hit by a car- completley in a trance, or is he simply noticing the fact a girls ass cheeks are hanging out and she needs some new shorts?
As others said, I think this is largely stemming from an insecurity issue. Please make sure you communicate with him, and let him know whats up! You guys can work together on this so their is no hurt or animosity, doubts etc
Post # 12
Calling someone “babe” in a text message two years ago is ancient history. You need to let that go. If you’ve been confident and comfortable enough with him to date him and (presumably) sleep with him for 2 years, then you really can’t hold that against him any longer. If it was that big of a deal then you shouldn’t have let 2 years go by without addressing it– and if he “cut her off” then it sounds like you’ve addressed it, in which case, you need to let it go.
As for the staring at another girl’s butt, that’s human. Men will look at women, period. If the woman’s shorts are more revealing, then more men will look. That’s just how men are. Heck, if a guy in Daisy Dukes and a mesh shirt waalked down the street in front of me, I’d look, and I’m a girl and I’m totally happy in the relationship.
If you’re feeling insecure in your relationship then you should be talking to your fiance openly and honestly, or perhaps finding a mediator or a counsellor. These things alone shouldn’t cause you to question your relationship.
Post # 13
I tell Darling Husband that I think guys are cute all the time. It’s part of life. The “babe” thing is a whole different issue, that is clearly not appropriate.
Just saw your update about how he was checking her out for awhile. That would be annoying, although my problem with that would be “great now people think I’m with the creepy skeez ball”
Post # 14
I think that since you have been having other problems this just seems worse than it actually is. When girls have their butts and boobs hanging out I myself have a hard time not looking…although not because I’m attracted to it, just because it’s hanging out like that and hard not to look at. If it were me in that situation and I saw my Fiance look a girl up and down I would probably say, “Well? What’s the analysis? Is she attractive? You just completely looked her up and down in front of me, so I’m guessing she must be…” It would be a half serious, half joking thing for me lol just like saying “Come on…really?”
Post # 15
He’s a guy. They look. I hate to say “they can’t help it” but I really do think that’s often the case–or at least to the point that he wasn’t deliberately doing it. My Fiance doesn’t do this constantly but I know he does, and you know what, usually I notice it before he does.
I understand that since your Fiance has some commitment issues, you would feel kind of insecure. But remember, he is with you. There is a reason he is with you, and hey, if anything, the fact that commitment is hard for him probably means there’s something pretty special about you that led him to want to spend his life with you.
Post # 16
You should talk to him about him checking out other girls. If this makes you uncomfortable, let him know.
Texting another girl is a grey area though. Why does it still bother you? Do you feel like you never resolved it?