- This Time Round
- 7 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
First I am sooo sorry that you are going thru this (( HUGS ))
It surely cannot be easy
This is the NUMBER ONE REASON that I can think of that couples should not be having one-on-one friendships with members of the opposite sex where the other partner is not present **
Inappropriate things do happen… be they in writing, words, or actions… and people get hurt as a result of it.
Your Fiancé could be right, in that he was trying to find something “supportive” to say to the girl who was having her own relationship issues…
But the fact is, the words are now out there… and the chips will fall as they will… he cannot take back those words… no matter what he does now
He has to live with them (and the consequences)… He knows them, She knows them, and now you know them
The dynamic of the relationship you have with him will now forever be changed… as will be the one he has with her, and you with her (and also the one you have with him having with her). THAT IS A FACT !!
Despite what he may think in his head (cold feet, uncertainty, second-guessing, worry) WHATEVER… he should NEVER have expressed these thoughts / feelings to ANYONE ELSE than you.
He has broken a boundary in your Relationship that should be CLEAR & RIGID
He needs to realize that the best way to deal with issues within a Relationship is to do exactly that DEAL WITH THEM WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP
Or a Counsellor’s Office… don’t deal with them out in public… and don’t share them with others (Friends / Family) despite the urge to do so…
As that sh!t always comes back to bite you on the @ss
Clearly tho easier said than done… as we’ve all been no doubt guilty at times of oversharing stuff about our SOs with others IRL.
Where to go from here…
Well I suggest that you two go get some Couple’s Counselling to come to grips (and hopefully move on) from what has been said / trust broken… and make sure that this Marriage is the right thing for both of you.
AND ALSO to work on Boundaries… either to create some for your relationship or reinforce those that you expect to be working for you
** Mr TTR & I have many friends of both sexes… BUT we also have an agreement on what are appropriate boundaries. We don’t see opposite sex friends solo… we just don’t. We either see them in a group, as couples (2 + 2) or them as a solo and us as a couple. It isn’t that we don’t trust each other… I trust Mr TTR implicitly… BUT having been around this world so long (I am over 50 and he is over 60) we’ve seen our share of Relationships / Marriages that have been compromized when someone says or does something inappropriate… you can only control you. You cannot control what someone else says or does… and so to INSULATE ourselves as much as possible from that happening with some outsider, we just agreed to a boundary where all interaction with members of the Opposite Sex is out in the open, above board… there is no socializing alone, emails, phone calls or texts. Just doesn’t happen. Period
I do hope that you and your Fiancé can find a way thru this mess… and that it has a “reasonable explanation”
Otherwise, I’d be really apprehensive about marrying a man that feels he is “settling” for me. That isn’t something you want starting out in a marriage at the time when you two should truly be your happiest.
I have seen a Man who is head over heels in LOVE… it is one of the greatest sights on earth… it is what every woman DESERVES… and should have.
(( HUGS ))