Post # 1
I saw an article yesterday about wedding registries, and how a lot of couples are registering for things they really may not use, and give a list of things to register for. The one thing that stood out for me was this:
If couples are going to make the guests flinch anyway, they may as well get some freebies out of it.
For couples willing to press the issue and test guests’ comfort levels, Naylor suggests asking them to chip in and cover wedding costs as a gift. Couples can announce on their personal wedding Web site’s registry page that they welcome gift cards to their photographer, videographer, floral designer and beauty salon. Whether this gambit actually works and reduces the cost of the wedding by any degree is in question, but you don’t get an open bar tab covered without trying.
“These gift cards can cut down your wedding expenses and allow you to get those extra things you wanted added on to your order down the road,” Naylor says. “Guests don’t have to get you these — so you don’t have to worry about anyone being offended — they’re just there with your traditional gift lists.”
I don’t know about all of you, but I would not want wedding expenses as a gift. To me, that is a recipe for disaster, and people may assume that since they are “paying” for something for the wedding, that they will have a say, can invite multiple people, etc. Thoughts?
Post # 3
Wow, that sounds completely inappropriate.
Post # 4
I don’t know how to say this nicely… it seems like a terrible idea to me! For all the reasons you mentioned, and then, of course, the added factor that it would be tacky.
I’d much rather scale down my ceremony and reception than ask guests to contribute- even if it is mixed in with the other registries. It just seems wrong to me.
If anyone has done this successfully, I’d love to hear how it went!
Post # 5
Totally inappropriate. While honeymoon registries are considered gray area to some this crosses the line in my opinion.
And yes if “Aunt Martha” pays for your hair and makeup she very well might want to bring her neighbor and his five kids and believe she is entitled to it. Money does funny things to people and their sense of entitlement.
Post # 6
I think in a few generations it will be the norm, but that society isn’t quite ready for it yet.
The majority of the current wedding traditions (bride’s parents pay for the wedding, groom’s parents cover the rehearsal, there’s lots of gifts and a shower to help the couple set up housekeeping) are rooted in a socioeconomic mold that isn’t as dominant today as it used to be. Even 60 years ago, young men and women lived with their parents until they married, the parents were supported mainly by the father’s income, the mother had time and talent to make a lot of DIY crafty things for a wedding, and the parents opened a savings account to cover the wedding as soon as their daughter was born.
These days, with single parents, divorced parents, and all sorts of non-traditional families PLUS young peoople who live on their own, support themselves and live as single adults for years, it’s becoming a lot less common that weddings are done by those old traditions. In fact, here on the ‘bee, whenever a bride is upset about the guest list, the first question asked is “who is paying.”
It’s very common for young people to pay for their own weddings, ask their friends for DIY help, even do pot-lucks, and honeymoon registries are becoming a lot less controversial.
In a few generations I believe it’ll be perfectly acceptable for the guests to pay at least some of the direct costs of the wedding and for the couple to ask for that as their gift (people already feel fine doing this for housewarming parties where you ask for $10 to help cover the keg or ask all your friends to cook a dish).
I just don’t think society is quite “there’ yet.
Post # 7
Crosses the line, no one should have to pay for anyones wedding. It’s rude and in bad taste.
Post # 8
Eeeek…no. I’m in the “I don’t need anything” camp, but our families are so traditional that not having a registry was out of the question, so I put some nice upgrades on there. I would never even dream of asking a guest to contribute to the wedding, and as a guest I would probably be really reluctant to contribute.
My great aunt even gave my 55yo, twice married, deploying to Afghanistan uncle towels as a recent wedding gift.
Post # 9
Not okay. How could anyone even manage to ask that without cringing? I couldn’t.
Post # 10
I don’t see how it is much different from having a honeymoon registry. No doubt a sign of the times.
Post # 11
hmmm..I think it seems pretty tacky. There are other ways to do this without being so obvious. I’m sure there is a tactful way to communicate that cash is a welcome gift. But a lot of people give cash anyway. Also, you can set up a honeymoon fund, which I don’t think is tacky. If you are planning on going on a honeymoon, then any contributions to it is less out of your pocket even though it doesn’t “reimburse” you for the wedding. We are having a stock the bar party instead of a normal shower. This will help cover bar costs because we can use the bottles of liquor for our wedding.
So, I think this is weird and unnecessary. Sure it’s honest, but you don’t have to do it this way.
Post # 12
I personally don’t see registries as any different than asking for money, help with the wedding, or honeymoon registries. With all of these things, it’s optional. I’m not sure how a registry full of gifts that are $100 or more (usually more) is any better than the honeymoon registry, asking for cash, or asking someone to bake a cake in lieu of a present.
The only difference is that registries are more accepted in society. It’s okay to ask for expensive stuff than it is to ask for money. I’ve heard the excuse of “I’d feel cheap giving them a check for $25, but a basket full of small gadgets totaling $25 is fine”, as if the couple doesn’t know the price of what they’re registering for.
Though, per the way I grew up, everyone gets a gift at the shower and a check for the wedding.
Post # 13
I just find it weird that Yahoo even had an article like that!
Post # 14
Maybe I am old school, but I feel like if you can’t afford a wedding, then have a small one, wit until you can afford it, or elope. (I.e., don’t put it on credit, and don’t beg for money).
Having said that – I am “ok” with honeymoon registries, because that is a bit different. You can “spoil” the new couple on their honeymoon as a gift.
However, I would avoid a wedding registry for wedding items.
Post # 15
FI and I really would like money more than anything else, but we didn’t even feel comfortably telling our own families we wanted cash. In fact, when they ask what we want, we give them the generic “Oh, nothing!” answer. We did register at two retailers and we’ve received generous cash gifts from a few relatives prior to the wedding that have helped contribute towards last minute wedding costs and other things we wanted that we didn’t register for.
I couldn’t imagine asking my guests to chip in on my wedding. That’s just going to lead to unsolicited advice and commentary, such as “You really going to spend THAT much on THAT?” or “I can get you the same thing for LESS!”