(Closed) say it or let it go?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What should I do?
    Ignore the e-mail entirely and re-friend her : (5 votes)
    10 %
    Ignore the e-mail entirely and don't re-friend her : (2 votes)
    4 %
    Write back and explain that I am upset and why : (34 votes)
    71 %
    Write back and tell her everything's okay : (7 votes)
    15 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    156 posts
    Blushing bee

    Pretty shady to cancel on you like that! But she does sound really sorry 🙁 I would refriend her and then send her an email saying why your upset. But, again, SHADY!

    Post # 4
    Member
    1336 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2010

    If you write back I would suggest being sensitive to the fact that a real emergency had really come up, but the upsetting part was that it was not the main reason why she had cancelled.  I would however emphasize that a wedding takes so much time, planning, and money and that it was insensitive of her to cancel so last-minute.  I am sure she had known longer than 3 days prior that her kids would be dancing at some fair. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    This probably isn’t what you want to hear, but I honestly don’t think what she did was THAT rude. I definitely think weddings are important, but at the same time, this dance thing sounds like a great opportunity for her girls, possibly one they wouldn’t have in the future. It sounds like something of a shame that they didn’t get to participate in it afterall.

    Your cousin was not deliberately rude, and it sounds to me like she’s gone ahead and extended an olive branch – sounds like the perfect opportunity to move forward and let go of the negative energy.

    Post # 7
    Member
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    how old are her girls? just curious.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2186 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    i say you write her back and tell her what you told us. shes family so she should understand. and if not, then just forgive her and move on with your life. theres no point in being livid at someone if they dont even know that you are or why you are.

    now if you explain why you are put out about it, and she still isnt receptive, THEN you can write her off. but at least give her the benefit of the doubt. i know sometimes with family they dont realize that some of the things they do are rude, or think you wont mind.

    Post # 10
    Member
    434 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    I think you should re-friend her on Facebook and just be stupid and cheerfull about it all… blame the “un-friend” on a Facebook glitch and let bygones be bygones. Yeah, it sucks that she bailed on your wedding like that, but it’s no reason to loose a relationship with a family member.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3098 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    I’m of the “air it and move on” school of thought on things. If it were me in this situation, I’d respond with a very honest email, pretty much saying everything you said here, but then follow it up with a statement about only airing this that you can both move on. I don’t think you’re wrong for being upset, and I think you may harbor a grudge (well, i would , at least) if you don’t talk to her about it. She gave you the perfect opening.

    Post # 12
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee

    I would also have to tell her how upset I was that she cancelled at the last minute. Some people I don’t think realize how much money goes into a wedding and I would never cancel at the last minute unless it was a real emercency situation but this one was not…so tell her how you feel..

    Post # 13
    Member
    1955 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

    Honestly (and this probably isn’t what you want to hear) I would just let it go…I think you would feel better for a little bit to air out your grievances but it could cause a lot more harm than good…It’s completely understandable that you’re upset, I totally would’ve been as well! But since the wedding’s come and gone, you can’t change the past and I just don’t know how much positive would come from telling her how you feel…I’m sorry tho, that’s definitely a very very frustrating situation!!

    Post # 14
    Member
    542 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I’m with trailmix.  You can’t change the past and dwelling on it isn’t going to get you anywhere.  It goes back to the you can’t change/control how other people act, you can only control your reaction to the situation, and since saying something isn’t going to change what happened, why waste the time and energy?

    Post # 15
    Member
    267 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I have to say it seems that your over reacting a bit in my opinion. Things come up & people don’t make it. It’s the same at every wedding. Most weddings there are people who RSVP that they are coming and never even call to let the bride or groom know they will not be there. They just don’t show up. To me that is a little worse. @ least she made the effort to let you know; no matter how last minute it is. And as far as I’ve ever seen most people put their children first. Unfortunatly that can hurt feelings sometimes; but that must be what is important to her. Her Kids. It’s too late to take it back. You’ve already “defriended” her and she’s already noticed so you’ve already shown your mad. Friend her again and forget it. Shouldn’t have been that big a deal IMO.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1963 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I would just be honest about your feelings.  At the same time tread lightly with the fact that her stepdaughter got beat up (btw…wtf!!!).  Extra lightly given the fact that she apologized.

    I think bygones can’t be bygones in this situation.  You are obviously still upset and it will affect your relationship with her.  I suggest writing a letter on real stationary that expresses your feelings (as politely as possible).  

    Finally, and solely in my opinion, she sucks for what she did in the first instance.  Just because this happens at every wedding does not mean that it is right.  

    The topic ‘say it or let it go?’ is closed to new replies.

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