(Closed) say it or let it go?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What should I do?

    Ignore the e-mail entirely and re-friend her

    Ignore the e-mail entirely and don't re-friend her

    Write back and explain that I am upset and why

    Write back and tell her everything's okay

  • Post # 17
    Member
    32 posts
    Newbee

    I don’t think you should write back at all.  I think you should CALL.  Just like it was rude IMO to email you that she wasn’t coming (she should have called).  These are not the types of “conversations” that can be had and hashed out through email.  I would call and tell her how I felt.

    Post # 18
    Member
    14181 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I think you should give your cousin a call, too. I, too, think you’re being overly sensitive. You kinda have to get over this–people cancel last minute all the time. It happens. Don’t let it ruin your friendship with your cousin. Everything happens for a reason…obviously it wasn’t meant to be and it all worked out in the end.

    My cousins’ family cancelled on me for money reasons (then went on a vacation and bought a sports car that week) but then it turned out my cousin needed cancer surgery. So like I say, it all happens for a reason. It’s water under the bridge.

    Post # 19
    Member
    407 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I agree with most in that its good to call your cousin and honesty let her know how that made you feel. However, I do not think that you over-reacted or was being too sensitive. What she did was rude. Period! You don’t cancel for a wedding via email a few days before for a non-emergency. Most times people who do this (and those who think you are over-reacting) have no idea how much time, energy, money and sacrifice you put into this day….so it is very inconsiderate. Now only you know if your cousin is sincere in her apology and can move forward from thre.

    But again I would like to reiterate….you are NOT over-reacting nor being overly sensitive.

    Post # 20
    Member
    573 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Give your cousin a call.  You need to tell her how you feel, because your feelings are warranted and you shouldn’t be ashamed for feeling hurt.  I would tell her almost exactly what you told us, being sensitive to her situation but focusing on how her decisionn made you FEEL.

    If you don’t and just let it go, you might always harbor some resentment…

    Post # 21
    Member
    1565 posts
    Bumble bee

    I wouldn’t ruin the relationship over it, but I wouldn’t just let it go either. I think you should let her know why you were upset and move on. I think email or phone is fine, whatever is most effective for you guys. I would refriend her on FB. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    18628 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I agree that telling her why you are upset but treading lightly is the best option.  Yes it was sort of inconsiderate for her to just change her mind about coming.  Some people don’t understand how much those decisions cost in a wedding.  Readd her as a friend and apologize for being sort of silly and unfriending her in the first place.

    Post # 23
    Member
    987 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I don’t blame you for being upset, nor do I think you are being overly sensitive.  I’m always amazed by people who do things like this.  A wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime event while a dance recital for 7 and 10 year olds is a regular occurance that most likely will have little effect on their future.  And the cost involved is another matter entirely.  It was inconsiderate and thoughtless to cancel at the last minute like that.  I think actions like these are indicative of someone’s true character.  And while I wouldn’t necessarily dwell on it, for your own sanity, I would let her know why you are upset and then move on.  I would chalk it up to a learning experience and know that in the future this is probably not someone I could count on.

    Post # 24
    Member
    2511 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    Let me just say that if I decided to be mad at everyone who RSVP’d for my wedding and didn’t make it, I’d be really busy hating on people right now lol. There were about 70 people who were going to be at our wedding, and maybe 45 of them showed up, and half of the ones who didn’t, never bothered with more than a “we couldn’t make it”. Of course, we didn’t have meals or drinks, but we did have guest favors that costed some extra money I wish we wouldn’t have had to spend but eh…

    I know it’s your cousin, and due to the fact that she’s family I do not think she should have cancelled on you last minute. I would have been upset too because her original reason wasn’t due to the drama, but I don’t know that I would spend too much more time being mad at her. If your relationship was good to begin with, I would just consider that she really wanted to see her kids dance in the competition or whatever & let it go. If she acts shady for future things, I would definately reconsider though.

    Post # 26
    Member
    6659 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    She obviously realizes what she did if she noticed you two aren’t friends on FB anymore. Unless she only has like 10 friends to begin with.

    Definitely write her back and tell her you are upset. Tell her you’re very sorry about the daughter in law getting beat up, but you were so sad that she cancelled originally because something better came along. Tell her it sent a message to you that your wedding really wasn’t that important to her and as a result of her last minute cancellation you were out X amount of dollars that could not be reallocated due to the timeframe. But more important than the money, it was a slap in the face that she had chosen ‘something better’ instead of your wedding and you thought it very rude to cancel at the last minute for so many people after RSVP’ing yes.

    Don’t mention FB for now and don’t let her wallow in self pity over what ended up happening that day. Just respond to her question that you are indeed upset with her and the reason is because of her being a fairweather guest to the most important day of your life and rudely backing out at the last minute creating a financial burden on you.

    Post # 27
    Member
    2394 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I would leave out the bit about the money, particularly the reference to paying you back.  It sounds very much as though you really DO expect her to at least offer to refund the money, and leaves the impression that you were annoyed by the sunk cotst and not her absence.  I would stop after “…personal experience for all the guests” and move straight to “I just thought I should tell you how I feel.”

    If you feel like it, it might be nice to add a quick note asking after her stepdaughter.  She’s YOUR family, too, and it sounds like there was some pretty serious stuff going on that deserves a quick inquiry – regardless of its role in her decision to flake.

    Post # 28
    Member
    2511 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    I actually like your letter. I think it’s tactful but to the point. The only thing I would leave out is the part about not expecting her to pay you back, but pointing out the loss of money on the extra meals IMO is ok & definately the inconvenience of the seating chart.

    The topic ‘say it or let it go?’ is closed to new replies.

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