(Closed) Say what? You want a plus one because why???

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
1034 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@joya_aspera:  Same here.

If I read that FAQ I would save you even more money and decline the invitation.

Post # 33
5879 posts
Bee Keeper

Don’t put that on there. I know what you intention is but it will not go over well. As PP stated speak to guests who ask on a one by one basis. If you insist on having one then the abbreviated one posted is a fair compromise. 


Post # 34
1781 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Unfortunately, I don’t think the +1/children questions are appropriate for the website.  I think the part about allergies is a great idea, as is the dress code, and suggestion for a cardigan/light jacket.  Any questions about the guest list should be fielded on an individual basis.

Post # 35
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

That FAQ is super condescending. 

Post # 36
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Why should I spend 300 dollars on a stranger?

Because you care about their date (the invited guest) and want to make them happy/comfortable/welcome.  I come from the school of thinking that all guests should get a +1.  I have been invited +1 and not brought dates many a time if not in a relationship, but appreciated having the option.

I agree with PP, skip the FAQs or make them much shorter as edited.  My first thought was “eeeks” when I read it.  And to the friend asking you directly, I’d probably up and say “because it costs $300 for each person there.”

Post # 37
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@JenGirl:  I think this is perfect.

OP, with the FAQ I think all you’re going to do is offend people you aren’t referring to by these questions. Rude people are going to be rude regardless of an FAQ addressing their issue.

Plus it seems extremely obvious that you wrote all of that in the heat of the moment when you were pissed & it’s rude of YOU to put that out to ALL of your guests when only a handful are being rude

Post # 38
1596 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Ok, maybe I am alone here but I just don’t get it:




1) why people are invited and gt annoyed when they (the guest) don’t get to bring a date?? (c’mon, we’re adults here, and we can probably figure out what weddings cost these days) I would be so excited to get invited to a wedding, what’s with the whining? I get wined and dined and can dress up and meet new and old friends. Where’s the issue, it is only ONE DAY I “have” to be alone…?




2) if folks are rude enough to try to insist or be insulted why is it it rude to make a F&Q?


OKay, maybe tone it down a bit (lots of suggestions have been made), but I personally think it makes for interesting reading ; )




I guess there is problably 4 thousand threads on #1 and I’ll probably get blasted to all heck for # 2 but my thoughts ? (and you DID ask)




bruinchick4, there is a saying by Eleanor Roosevelt “Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you‘ll be criticized anyway.”




Just my (prolly unpopular) opinion. (oh, and keep in mind I live in a country where people are extremely direct, possibly to a fault, so maybe I am not the best judge because you just don’t get that easily offended around these parts.)

Best of luck to you, whatever you decide!




Post # 39
3928 posts
Honey bee

@bruinchick4:  I know its frustrating, but I’m not sure that saying “we haven’t won the lotto” is all that polite. I get it’s supposed to like funny, but it comes off rude. I think I would get rid of the “how come so and so got a +1” part too. It’s really nobody’s business who does and who doesn’t. Maybe I just have a way easier going guest list than others, but it seems like that FAQ would stir the pot more than help.

Post # 40
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I keep thinking about this.  I must underscore again that I think it’s perfectly okay for someone to have a wedding and not invite all guests with a +1 if it’s not within their budget.  I do think that all wedding party members should be invited with a +1 regardless of their relationship status.  However, I’m thinking back to when I was single.  It wasn’t easy to go to weddings without a date, although I always did if it was the wedding of a friend or loved one.  But I imagine that, if I saw those FAQs on a wedding website during my single days, I would’ve been highly offended and probably pretty angry.  I mean, what’s with the “automatically did not” in bold type with respect to the “single folks”.  It is condescending as someone said.  It’s extremely off-putting.  Not receiving a +1 is sufficient (for all those who understand); they don’t need to have it rubbed in their faces that they’re single.  I don’t know – maybe I’m just being neurotic.

Post # 41
1693 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

i’d be ok with the last 3 questions but the first three need to go. those are things you’ll have to deal with as people ask.

Post # 42
4394 posts
Honey bee

No I would def not post that anywhere! Much of it is rather rude (especially the bit about meeting a SO for 2 seconds and judging the seriousness of someone else’s relationship–do NOT write that!). You could out the dress code, allergies, etc on your website but anything about guests and +1s should be handled with that person. 

Post # 43
1455 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

While I do think the FAQ seems a little harsh, I totally understand.

I chose to handle each situation on a person to person basis, which was hard.


If it makes you feel better, I had a friend ask if he could bring +2 (he was allowed one) because his “friend from college was in town for spring break”. He was already bringing a male friend (that I knew) as his +1 and wanted to bring another guy, that I did not know. I was not okay with this as I felt that they would use the occasion or see it as a house party for free alcohol.

I responded with “no, I am sorry. We can only accomodate the number of people invited.” He even insisted that I contact my venue to ask if his other friend could be added. I “called” the venue and told him they said no.

And guess what? His +1 flaked. So he was the only one out of his party that came. Grr.

Post # 45
5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@MrsMaskatoBe:  Ugh. I have this fear. I have a single male friend and he’s the only single person I’d give a +1 to. But in our 4 year friendship, either I was his +1 or he brought a military buddy (who is much younger & wild) to every wedding in that time. So if I’m the bride, guess who he’ll most likely bring to my wedding? Grrrrrr. I can’t not give him a +1 because he won’t really know anyone else and I certainly can’t dictate that he has to bring a girl…. I’m just going to pray to the heavens that he hooks up with someone before my wedding!

Post # 46
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’ve never not been at least miffed to not receive a +1 to a wedding or other event (though I understand budgets, I think, just plan for dates and don’t have to invite everyone you know).  I generally decline but would send a gift instead of going alone.  If I read that I’d decline and let your $300 savings be your gift. 

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