Saying I love you didn't go as planned…

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
4145 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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slomotion :  that was my thought too!

Post # 17
Member
5789 posts
Bee Keeper

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j_jaye :  I wish I could ‘like’ this comment more than once!

OP, what exactly did YOU do to make his first “I love you” Super Speshul? Did he get a big reaction from you? Because by the sounds of it, you didn’t even say “I love you” back. Not saying you had to if you weren’t feeling it yet, just pointing out the double standard here. 

And am I reading this correctly that you’ve known you loved him for awhile but deliberately held back a reciprocal “I love you” so you could plan some contrived rom-com ‘perfect moment’? I seriously can’t wrap my head around the fact that you would withhold telling him you loved him, even once, just to emotionally manipulate some big moment out of it. 

And his reaction was so sweet! He sounds like a great guy Bee, I hope you appreciate what you have here because if your relationship expectations are based on rom-coms and social media you’re going to be the thief of your own joy. 

Post # 18
Member
11339 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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caligirl3 :  

Awwww.  I’m sorry it didn’t go exactly as planned, Bee.  Personally, I could have lived without the booger comment, but, that’s just boys for you.

It’s a charming story and one you’ll eventually learn to enjoy retelling.

Post # 19
Member
2231 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I don’t think I love you moments need to be perfect. That’s just not realistic. I remember the first time my husband told me he loved me, my response was, “But you can’t!” Not exactly romantic. I just felt it was too soon for him to feel that way. Then, when I finally gathered the courage to say it myself, I was going to say it in a place that’s special to the both of us, but it was the first time I’ve ever said that phrase to anyone romantically, so I was petrified. Later on we were lying in bed, and he said something about why I was acting a certain way (don’t even remember the exact conversation), and I replied, “That’s because I love you!” I’m not even sure if the whole conversation made sense, but it was perfect because it was sweet, we love each other, and it made us happy. That’s what matters.

Post # 20
Member
2417 posts
Buzzing bee

I think where you went wrong here was when you decided to plan saying “I love you.”

You’ve really got to stop expecting normal, everyday life to be anything other than what it is. The way you feel now, today – that is as good as it gets.

Even when you say I love you for the first time. Even when you’re proposed to. Even when you get married.

Just learn to focus more on living in each moment, no matter how mundane, and you’ll get much more out of life than always focusing on the future and building up unrealistic expectations and putting unrealistic pressure on things. 

Post # 21
Member
656 posts
Busy bee

I was drunk and only with my SO maybe a month (if that) and blurted it out. No fairytale location or situation. LOL. Took him some time to stop saying “I care for you” intead of “I love you”. He wasn’t awkward about it though just said it differently since it was so early on.

Life happens. Maybe because I have had a few serious relationships in my lifetime and I love yous I don’t see it that fairytale-ish anymore.

Post # 22
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

I have no idea who said I love you first or when we even started saying it, so I’m just jealous of you having a story to tell! 

I definitely think you got a little bit in your own head and maybe built it up a bit too much, I think the story is sweet, funny, and romantic! 

Post # 23
Member
1174 posts
Bumble bee

Life isn’t a fairy tale. Welcome to reality!!!

Post # 24
Member
358 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2006

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caligirl3 :  Awe, your story made me smile. It’s a cute and sweet story. I think it was perfect, and you two sound like a lovely couple.

Post # 25
Member
3250 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Things never go as planned. This is still a cute story. 

Post # 26
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

PP have already basically covered the big points: life is not a movie, and there was no need for you to try to contrive this movie-esque scene to tell him you love him. If this relationship goes the distance, you will say those words to each other many times in many different circumstances: when you’re sitting on the couch in sweats watching tv together; when you’re driving in the car together; when you get engaged; when you’re stuck in bed with the flu; on your wedding day; under a sunset; after you’ve been ugly-crying; when you’re exhausted after work. Each is just as special as the others. 

At the end of the day, you love him and he loves you back, and that’s wonderful! You now know you’re both on the same page, so sounds to me like it went perfectly! 

Post # 27
Member
3399 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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caligirl3 :  the first time my husband told me he loved me, i was puking my guts out into his toilet from an overindulgent NYE. I told him “I love you too, now go away.” You’re overthinking this, bee. 

Post # 28
Member
61 posts
Worker bee

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catskillsinjune :  that made me literally laugh out loud, it is also romantic in its own way. 

Caligirl3: is this your first love? Sorry it wasn’t picturesque, but I’m sure other times you guys say ‘I love you’ will be more romantic in your mind. 

Post # 29
Member
2834 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

I think this sounds like a cute story! 

 

Better than my own haha. 

Post # 30
Member
622 posts
Busy bee

So what happened when he first told you? You said he’s been saying it but you haven’t reciprocated. I imagine his first “I love you” to you didn’t end as planned either. 

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