(Closed) Saying no to the dress

posted 7 years ago in Dress
Post # 46
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I see PPs have suggested Rent the Runway, and I’ll repeat it!  Here are 4 very “bridal” white dresses- all under $200 and all different styles.

Your family gets the “white dress” moment, and you get to save some cash and closet space.

There are a few more traditional white dress choices, and a lot of non-traditional choices- head over if you haven’t and take a peek!

Post # 47
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

View original reply
Bio_Chemist:  Hey! I just read the whole thread, and no, you’re not crazy: it has become an industry and some of these prices are outrageous. Although I have to admit I love weddings and dresses and everything, I could honestly buy clothes for the rest of my life with just one of these dresses and it’s just not fair to pay this price for just 8 hours.

But I totally get you, one of my sisters felt the same way as you did. She got married and then had a small lunch with the immediate family at a cute little restaurant. She didn’t want a dress either, but my mom convinced her to get one. Since she didn’t really envision herself in a dress, it would have been impossible for her to pick something online. So it was after trying on several things, she decided on a dress that was something like a long, white tank top with a shiffon bolero on top. She looked just like herself.

The deal is that her and her now husband found the best way to make something that meant something for both. So try to keep that in mind. You’re being awesome by rolling with the wedding thing, but you don’t want to look back and think this is a thing you “had to do.” And you’re right: marriage is more important than the wedding… As for my sister: she has had the simplest wedding of my three sisters, but in my eyes, she has an exemplary marriage that has lasted 11 years!!

Back to the point, if you’re not the dress type of person, you probably are not that good picturing how things would look on you, so I wouldn’t do the internet thing… besides, these things sometimes go bad. I’d say go to David’s. They have reasonable stuff for all shapes, tastes and sizes. They’re really patient and you can try lots of things until you find something that you’re comfortable with!

 

Post # 48
Member
3696 posts
Sugar bee

See if there’s a Brides Against Breast Cancer event in your area anytime soon. You can try things on in person, find something really unique that suits you, find something affordable, and know that the money you spend is going to a good cause.

Post # 49
Member
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Jacksonville Inn

I don’t think you’re crazy at all! It was a big mental hurdle for me as well. I do not wear dresses and I don’t care about fashion. I wear scrubs to work and outside of work I wear jeans and t shirts. I’m also a plus size bride, so I wanted a dress that I felt comfortable in. In addition to all that, I’m 38. I didn’t want a dress that had a very young vibe. I just wanted to feel like a prettier version of me. In the end I bought a gown that does everything I wanted and I paid $1050. It’s twice as much as I wanted to spend, and if I could have found something I liked as much for less I would have bought it.

Post # 50
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
Bio_Chemist:  My Fiance chose traditional wedding over elopement.  I gave him the choice because I have been married before.  He wanted the party, so that’s what we are doing.  I think he kind of regrets it now, but that is another thread lol.  So I know where you are coming from in that respect.

As far as the dress goes,  I would find out what his expectations are and if they just not going to happen I would be very upfront about it.  You shouldn’t be forced to feel uncomfortable in your clothes for his “vision”.  I saw that you have been together for a long time, he should know by now that you aren’t really going to change much and magically become more girly.  I think it is unfair of either partner to  say something like that.  

If you do decide to go with a more traditional dress, I would try a consignment shop.  They have tons of dresses and veils in all shapes and sizes.  I wear a plus size in bridal, and I was able to find several gowns to try on that were modern and rivaled the price of the online china dressmakers.  Then you aren’t taking that huge risk of getting something that you can’t return.  After the wedding you can sell the dress and make some, if not all of your money back.  

Best of luck.

Post # 51
Member
2521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I felt the same way, but ended up just sort of going with it.  I would be too nervous to order a dress from a Chinese knockoff maker (even though I know girls on here have gotten great dresses on there).  It would be cheaper that way, but still a lot of money especially when you don’t get to try it on first.  I tried on sample gowns, but the first store I was in tried to sell me a sample gown with holes everywhere in it for $900.  I think that was 40% off, but why too much for a gown with holes in it.  It kind of put a bad taste of sample gowns in my mouth.  My wedding is pretty formal and traditional in the sense that it is a church wedding with a huge formal reception afterwards.  The guys are in tuxes, so it didn’t make sense for me to wear a casual gown.  I tried on gowns under $1000, but thought they looked cheaper than my prom gown (which i paid $60 for new).  That kind of left me with just sucking it up and paying the ridiculous prices.  I absolutely love my dress, but sometimes I feel a bit dumb for spending so much money on it (I paid 1750 before tax and alteration- and while it is a ton of money, no where near as ridiculously high priced as wedding gowns can go).  It isn’t just the gown though- absolutely everything in the wedding industry is ridiculous priced.  We are keeping it as frugal as possible for a Chicago area wedding, but it is still over 20k for one day.  Totally insane- but it is our one chance to have a ridiculous day like that.  I hope it isn’t the greatest day of my life, but I also hope it is a great one.      

Post # 52
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I agree prices are ridiculous for one day. But a lot of things are ridiculous for one day….I pay $4 for an iced chai I finish within 2 hours, I pay $50 for a nice steak dinner I finish that night. Yes, a wedding dress is on a whole other level and obviously not a food item, but the feeling you get from wearing your perfect dress is really what you are paying for. You just have to decide if that can be in a $50 dress from JCPenney or if you have a different vision for yourself. Nothing wrong with either, as long as you are responsible about your spending. I wouldn’t have spent $1300 on my two dresses if I couldn’t have paid cash and budgeted for it, for example.

Post # 53
Member
948 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
Bio_Chemist:  I really understand wanting to please everyone, but as my fiancé put it, the people whose opinions matter most when it comes to a wedding are the couple getting married. You should really talk to your future spouse and tell them, how you feel about this. It’s no good trying to please someone else, particularly if it makes you unhappy in the process.<br /><br />That said, if you feel you need to go for the traditional white dress, there are plenty of places that sell pre-owned dresses, and renting one is also an option.

Post # 55
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

View original reply
Bio_Chemist:  I think what you picked looks nice! maybe a low heeled pump (you could look for a hidden platform which might make the overall heel higher than 1 3/4, but not be as severe an angle as a high heel) or dressy sandals, depending on the time of year you are getting married. 

Post # 56
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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Bio_Chemist:  I got my low-heeld wedding shoes (my husband is short) at DSW for next to nothing. the style I bought is sold out, but they always have good special occasion shoes for cheap in all heel heights.

Post # 59
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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Bio_Chemist:  I love fashion and weddings, but also like bargains, my dress from a vintage shop was 35 bucks includng veil, it is a silk ball gown  wedding dress from 1950 that workmanshp that I have only found in couture dresses and I think it is much nicer then anything I would buy at a bridal shop. The alterations are costing quite a bit but the initial purchese was quite reasonable!

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