(Closed) Saying no…out of resentment

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 62
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I first started talking marriage with my Fiance when we’d been together 8 years. When we were together for 10.5 years, we spent a year travelling overseas. It was amazing but filled with disappointment for me (almost every day was another romantic dinner or beautiful sunset where he didn’t propose). On our final night overseas, when he didn’t propose at the swish restaurant we’d eaten at, I decided that I couldn’t take the cruelty of waiting any more and that, as much as I love him, I would go stay with my parents when we got home because I couldn’t bear it any more. While I was thinking about this and feeling the most heartbroken in my life (not to mention sick from eating a dessert that I’d only ordered to extend the meal to give him another chance to propose), he proposed on the walk home. I ruined it because I couldn’t wait another minute and what should have been something to celebrate is a nightmarishly sad memory for me. Because I woke him up crying that night, I ruined it for him, too.
Maybe your guy is ready, maybe he’s not. But if waiting is too hard, remind him that if he has decided, sooner is better than later (especially if an elaborate surprise proposal is not important to you). Although my Fiance knew it was something I really wanted, he had no idea how depressed it was making me.

 

Post # 63
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Basically everything you said hit home in my current situation. And I worded it many different ways in google to find SOMETHING… ANYTHING with a similar question or article… because I really don’t know what to do. I thought of creating my own thread, but I’m still new and this thread seems to be pretty old but I’m posting here anyway.

 

Some quotes that are dead on with my feelings right now…

 

“I feel he’s had plenty of time to decide if he wants me or not, and any proposal that comes from now on will be done out of a sense of obligation, instead of a true desire to be married to me.”

 

“I don’t feel its fair for HIM to decide when WE’RE supposed to be ready. I was ready 2 years ago. Now I’m just over it.”

 

Some other facts about us
– Dating for 5 years
– Lived together for 3 years
– Waiting for proposal for almost 2
– I’m 28 and he’s 30.
– He expressed his concern for not having enough money. I told him 6+ months ago my mom has my great aunt’s diamond… which he could use and have a setting made. How long does it take to have a ring made.. ?? Doesn’t this alleviate some of the cost?

 

So now I’m at the point of anger and resentment that I don’t want it anymore. I never wanted it to get to this point and I certainly do not want to say yes to someone I’m very unhappy with at this time. I’ve thought about moving out, and being on my own for a while… but even now that he’s dropped a few hints that it will happen soon I’m still angry and upset. I can’t knock this feeling of anger and I don’t what to do about it…

 

and I said above I’ve been waiting 1.5 years but really I have not expressed my feelings until the beginning of this year (2013) and that was 6 months ago.

 

I understand that they wait and they want it to be a “surprise” but at this point it feels more like torture.

 

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