Post # 1
Anyone’s SO say things along the lines of.. “…we’re getting married…” or “that’s why I’m marrying you…”
but you are not engaged yet!?
My SO has a habit of saying things like this as if it’s a “for-sure” thing, but yet he hasn’t proposed. My typical response is… “Oh are we getting married? I didn’t know…” (with a big smile). We’ve been together for almost 4 years, and I figure a little sarcasm is warranted since we are very open about things with eachother, and he knows I’d like to get married one day (hopefully sooner rather than later).
We haven’t been talking about marriage as much since I’ve sworn myself to keep quiet for awhile. Yesterday when I gave my usual response, he replied… “Yes, you’ve known that for awhile now…” implying why would I ever question that we are getting married!? Really SO, do I need to explain further why I question it??? 🙂
I left it at that and changed the subject…
SO’s just don’t get it sometimes!
Post # 3
Yup. So frustrating. I know it’ll come… just have to wait patiently!
Post # 4
It is frustrating! I’m in no rush to get engaged/married but when the SO constantly talks about it, it makes me a little hesitate to find a new apartment or look at new jobs. (We’re not living together; and, we live 1.5 hrs away from one another.) Boo.
Post # 5
Yes. I am totally in that position.
I even noticed last week that my SO has been looking into wedding venues for September 2012…but he hasn’t proposed yet! He even encouraged me to go to this wedding expo with my mom this weekend to “get ideas”. I’m going but I feel stupid attending as we are not engaged.
I too have sworn off talking about it (I think we are both doing Mr Bees pact right?!) but some days it’s hard. I feel like saying “if this is such a sure thing, then why haven’t you asked me yet!”. I don’t want to ruin something he has planned but sometimes I’m finding the keeping quiet tough. I find myself getting annoyed with him lately. Has that happened to anyone?
Ugh, bad waiting day, can you tell?
Post # 6
Yay for Mr. Bee’s Plan Pact! It’s definitely helped me, but I also have those days where I want to say….
â€œif this is such a sure thing, then why havenâ€™t you asked me yet!â€
I totally get this! I’ve even contemplated replying to his “for-sure” thinking by saying, “so then why don’t we just get married now?” Sometimes I feel so silly waiting for a proposal if we are so sure we’re getting married – It’s like well, then why don’t we just skip to planning the ceremony? 🙂 The waiting period is awkward for me because I do not want to have a traditional “wedding.” I want to elope and have a small family dinner, so I don’t really know if I should be waiting for something or not. From his perspective, I think he’d like to propose and do it “the right way” according to him, but at this point, sometimes I just don’t get it 🙂
I also get annoyed with him at times. When I have built-up frustration (and especially when we try not to talk about it with our SO’s), I notice the little things get to me sometimes or I get overly emotional.
I’ll have those bad days, but then I’ll wake up the next day and start the day off thinking positive, and I just won’t worry about it anymore.
I feel ya! Best of luck you to with the Pact!!
Post # 7
Yep. SO talks about our “future” kids all the time. Makes random comments about wedding stuff. He even told me he didn’t care if I tried on wedding dresses. That shocked me, but his response was “you know its going to happen, you just dont know when” UGGGHHH!!! Im happy about the positive comments, but for crying out loud stop teasing and do it already…lol
Post # 8
Its so nice to read everyone’s comments here and know I am not alone! I also feel grateful that my SO is sure about our future and loves me so much but sometimes I’m just like “let’s get a move on it!” Grant me patience bees!
Post # 9
@butterflylove: Has he at least given you a timeline for engagement & marriage?
Post # 10
Yes! He has accidentally referred to me as his spouse, and even said “I consider us just as committed as any engaged couple.” The mixed signals drive me crazy.
Post # 11
I’m in that position too, but we have also decided we are getting married this fall and are basically working on sorting out dates (he wants September for some “in his head” idea that he can’t pinpoint and I want August because it’s my last summer before graduation from college as a returning student and I would have the time and the mental capacity left over for all that goes INTO planning).
We’ve talked about which lodges we like better, where we want our catering, our rings (his is already in our house bc I found a great deal), what kind of dressing and flowers we want for the bridal party….the only thing missing is the engagement! It’s so frustrating and sometimes (even though he particpates in the planning too) I feel like a big idiot!
Post # 12
A long time ago (2009) we agreed that we should get married by the time we are ready to put our current house up for sale – which is next Spring (2013). We had things that we wanted to take care of independently before committing to a marriage. I haven’t reminded him of the timeline recently, because I want him to do it on his own when he thinks the time is right. I also don’t want to have a real “wedding” (just a small ceremony and family dinner) so he is aware not much time is needed to plan. I’ve been doing my best to wait patiently.
Post # 13
My friend’s boyfriend did this all the time. He’d say things like “I can’t wait to marry you” and “When we get married…” so one day she just told him to stop saying it if he wasn’t going to propose for real. He eventually did, about a year later.
I think he honestly thought he could gloss over the whole making-it-official thing if he just kep telling her that he considered them practically engaged.
Post # 14
I know exactly how you’re feeling girlie! As I think you might already know, your SO and my SO have this particular behavior in common. Luckily he doesn’t really do it much anymore, since i finally told him it bothered me back in November, but for a while there it felt like he would blurt out something really stupid related to our supposed ‘future wedding’ or future married-status any chance he would get. It was so constant and unnecessary, like he was doing it for his own validation, as if he felt like if he talked about us getting married enough it would excuse him from actually making an effort toward getting there. It was reeeeeeeeally annoying. My advice would be to tell him how annoying it is, I’m so glad I finally did!